Vampires Suck (2010)

“Yeah… Twilight didn’t deserve this. And that’s saying something.”


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Let’s start by showing y’all the trailers shall we?

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⚠️ Content Warning

This review discusses a film that contains crude humor, sexual jokes, awkward parody, and low-effort comedy throughout. Vampires Suck (2010) leans heavily into uncomfortable gags, exaggerated character behavior, and constant pop culture references that don’t always land. A lot of the humor relies on awkwardness and shock value rather than actual punchlines, and there are multiple moments that just feel weird instead of funny. If you’re sensitive to secondhand embarrassment or aggressively dumb humor… yeah, this one’s rough. You’ve been warned 😤


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🧠 Non-Spoiler Plot Overview

Alright… so this is supposed to be a parody of Twilight.

And honestly, on paper, that should be one of the easiest things in the world to parody. You’ve got the awkward romance, the staring, the overdramatic dialogue, the love triangle, the sparkly vampires… there’s so much material to work with.

And somehow…

they still mess it up.

The movie follows a Bella-like character who moves to a new town, meets a vampire, and gets pulled into that same love triangle dynamic with a werewolf. So structurally, yeah, it’s basically Twilight.

But instead of actually breaking down what makes Twilight ridiculous and turning that into smart parody…

the movie just copies it.

And then it adds random jokes on top.

That’s it.


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🧍‍♂️ Character Rundown

These aren’t characters. They’re impressions.

The Bella parody is just awkward, but not in a funny way. It’s more like watching someone try way too hard to be awkward, and it becomes uncomfortable instead of entertaining.

The Edward parody is just constant staring, weird pauses, and awkward delivery. And yeah, that’s accurate to the source… but the movie doesn’t do anything with it. It just repeats that same joke over and over again until it stops being funny and just becomes annoying.

The Jacob parody is basically just “guy who takes his shirt off.” That’s his entire personality. That’s the joke. And the movie keeps going back to it like it’s still working.

Nobody grows. Nobody changes. Nobody has anything going on beyond copying what the original characters did, but in a louder and more exaggerated way.


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⏱️ Pacing / Flow

This one is slightly more focused than The Starving Games.

And I mean slightly.

At least this movie mostly sticks to Twilight instead of jumping all over the place every five seconds. But it still suffers from the exact same core problem.

There’s no real structure.

Scenes just kind of happen, jokes get thrown in randomly, and there’s no sense of buildup or payoff. It feels like the movie is just going from moment to moment without thinking about how anything connects.

So yeah, it’s more focused…

but it’s still messy.


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😂 Funniest Moments

Here’s the frustrating part.

You can actually see what they were trying to do in some scenes. Like when they exaggerate Edward’s staring or Bella’s awkwardness, you can see the idea of a joke there.

But the execution just doesn’t land.

Because instead of building on the joke, they just repeat it. Louder. Longer. More exaggerated.

And louder doesn’t mean funnier.

It just means more annoying.

So instead of laughing, you end up sitting there like:

> okay… I get it… move on




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🧠 Comedy Style

This is the same problem all over again.

This isn’t parody.

It’s imitation.

The movie doesn’t analyze Twilight. It doesn’t take its themes or its tone and twist them into something clever. It just recreates scenes and points at them like:

> “look how weird this is”



Yeah.

We know.

That’s why people made fun of it in the first place.

It feels like someone watched Twilight, wrote down what they remembered, and then just threw random jokes on top without thinking about how they connect or build.


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🧠 Final Thoughts

This movie is bad.

Not as bad as The Starving Games…

but still bad.

It’s slightly more watchable because it sticks to one main thing, but it still doesn’t understand parody, it still doesn’t build jokes properly, and it still relies way too much on just copying what it’s making fun of.

It doesn’t add anything.

It doesn’t improve anything.

It just exists.


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⭐ Rating

3/10


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⚠️ Spoiler Warning

Alright… let’s get into it 😤


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🗑️ Spoilers

So the movie follows the same general plot as Twilight. Girl moves to town, meets vampire, falls in love, and gets caught in a love triangle with a werewolf.

But instead of building tension or emotion, every single moment gets turned into an awkward joke that doesn’t really go anywhere.

The romance scenes are just uncomfortable instead of funny.

The werewolf stuff turns into repeated shirt jokes that stop being funny almost immediately.

And the vampire storyline just becomes a series of weird moments that don’t build into anything meaningful.

There’s no escalation.

No sense of stakes.

Just scenes happening one after another.


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🎬 Third Act Breakdown

By the time the movie reaches its final act, it should be building toward some kind of payoff.

Something emotional.

Something funny.

Something that makes all the buildup worth it.

But it doesn’t.

It just keeps doing the same thing.

The love triangle doesn’t feel important. The conflict doesn’t feel real. And the resolution just kind of happens without any impact.

It feels like the movie reaches the end and goes:

> yeah… that’s enough



And stops.


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🎯 Final Final Thought

This movie proves something important.

Just because something is easy to make fun of…

doesn’t mean you know how to make fun of it.

Because yeah…

Twilight is ridiculous.

But THIS?

This somehow makes Twilight look better 😭