Snake Eyes (2021) 🐍🎥 “The origin nobody asked for… told in the most boring way possible.” Let’s start by showing y’all the trailers, shall we? — The Story (Or Whatever This Was Supposed to Be) Snake Eyes is supposed to be one of the coolest, most mysterious characters in the entire G.I. Joe franchise. He’s…
Category: Hasbro Films
G.I. Joe Retaliation (2013)
💥G.I. Joe: Retaliation (2013)💥 The One With Bruce Willis (and The Rock Before He Started Tanking His Career) 🎖️💥 — Let’s start by showing y’all the trailers, shall we? 🎥🍿 — Non-Spoiler Review This isn’t exactly a sequel to Rise of Cobra. Sure, it’s technically in the same continuity, but it feels more like Paramount…
G.I. Joe The Rise of Cobra (2009)
💥G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009)🎬 “The toy commercial that accidentally wandered into a PG-13 fever dream” 🪖💥🐍 Let’s start by showing y’all the trailers, shall we? — Non-Spoiler Rundown If you thought G.I. Joe was going to be a light, fun, campy action flick for kids, 2009 Paramount had other plans — namely,…
Transformers Rise of The Beasts (2023)
Transformers: Rise of the Beasts (2023) 🦍🤖🚗 “Michael Bay, take notes — this is how you do robots without giving us a migraine.” — Let’s Start by Showing Y’all the Trailers, Shall We? 🎥 Trailer: — Non-Spoiler Rundown You know how for years the Transformers movies were like a blender full of metal shrapnel, bad…
Transformers The Last Knight (2017)
Transformers: The Last Knight (2017) Michael Bay’s “Game of Thrones” but with Robots and Explosions 🎬 Let’s start by showing y’all the trailers, shall we? — The Setup By The Last Knight, the franchise had officially stopped pretending to care about continuity. We open with a scene straight out of a medieval fever dream —…
Transformers Age of Extinction (2014)
Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014) “When Michael Bay decided… you know what this franchise needs? Mark Wahlberg and statutory loopholes.” Let’s start by showing y’all the trailers, shall we? 🎥💥 — 🚗💥 Before We Dive In So… the fourth Transformers movie. And right away, I’ve got to tell you—if you thought things were getting messy…
Transformers Dark Of The Moon (2011)
🎬Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)💥 “When Michael Bay Made Saving Private Ryan… But with Robots” — Let’s start by showing y’all the trailer, shall we? 🎥🍿 — Non-Spoiler Rundown So here we are, third film in, and I can honestly say this is the best Michael Bay Transformers movie since the first one… but…
Transformers Revenge Of The Fallen (2009)
🎬Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)💥 “When Robots, Jockstraps, and Testicle Jokes Collide”Or: How to spend $200 million and still make it feel like a fever dream. — Let’s start by showing y’all the trailers, shall we? 🎥💣 This is the point in the franchise where everything hit the fan—and by “everything” I mean plot,…
Transformers (2007)
💥Transformers (2007)💥 “Michael Bay’s Explosive Robot Soap Opera”Where plot takes a backseat to pyrotechnics and lens flares. — Let’s start by showing y’all the trailers, shall we? 🎥💥 Ah yes, the film that kicked off what would become one of Hollywood’s loudest and most chaotic blockbuster franchises. Back when people still thought, “Hey, Michael Bay…
Power Rangers Ninja Storm (2003)
🌀 Power Rangers: Ninja Storm Review (2003) 🌀 Let’s start by showing y’all the opening theme song, shall we? 🎶 It’s upbeat, fast-paced, and feels like the Power Rangers equivalent of an energy drink — easily one of the catchiest themes of the Disney era. — 📜 Spoiler-Free Rundown We open with a trio of…
