I’m gonna start with a warning…..this film is darker than the Tim Burton batman film…..wow thats impressive…..so I’ll be avoiding showing clips that could frighten some of u……but ill still review it…..so with that out of the way let’s get on to the review…….so i’m just gonna go though the dark stuff in this film….I mean the opening shows us what film we’re getting ourselves into……we see the penguin as a baby…and he gets tossed into the sewers by his ritch parents…..because he was to ugly for them…..dear lord that’s the beginning of this film….so after this depressing beginning…..we get introduced to a woman named Selina Kyle (played by Michelle Pfeiffer)…..and her boss Shrek (played by Christopher Walken)….yeah that Christopher Walken……..oh boy……oh and the penguin lives in the sewer….but ill get to him in a bit…..so this film takes place during Christmas…..and during a night, during a downtown celebration……penguin sends his goons out of the sewers..and they all look like rejected scare carnival people…..don’t ask……he doesn’t have goons like that in the comics…..or games……so anyways batman comes in and sets one of those men on fire with his jet engine…….hurray batman is killing people….because thats such a batman thing to do……so anyways Shrek falls down a trapdoor and falls into penguins lair….and he’s played by Dani Devito……..yeah that guy……yikes….and he looks grotesque….I think Tim Burton went to fat…I mean far….not fat…eheheh …….because we’ll his character is fat looking, has pale skin, greasy long black hair, long nose, and some sort of blackish saliva dripping from his mouth some times…….ew…….so he blackmail Shrek into helping penguin being him to the up there so he can find his parents….how does he blackmail him u may ask…well he has tons of dirt on Shrek…..see Shrek is not a good person like at all…..its implied he killed a business partner of his and cut him into pieces….and penguin got ahold of the guys limbs……rated PG…meant for all children of all ages….…………so Shrek agrees….he gets sent back up….oh that night he pushes Selina Kyle out the window…she dies and cats revive her…now she has 9 lives…..yeah I’m no expert….but I don’t think that’s how that works……im gonna be honest she’s my favorite character in this film…..she’s just a good character….ill get to that later……so in this film Bruce Wayne falls in love with Selina Kyle…because he’s a ladies man….cool….also 2 fun facts….apparently Shrek in this film was originally gonna be Harvey Dent…..but that got scrapped….also they brought back dame actor who played Alfred in batman…..BTW the same actor who plays Alfred in these 2 Tim Burton batman films…reprise his role in the 2 Joel Schumacher batman films….well get to those tomorrow…trust me…there baaaaaaaad……..so anyways…..Shrek convinces people penguin is a good person…well actually that was all penguin….he scripted a robbery…see he has one of his goons steal the majors baby….and he makes it look like he brings the baby back to the major on live tv….oh joy yeah he’s no hero….so now people think he’s a hero….don’t ask….so anyways the only person who knows that is batman…..so one night batman bumps into penguin…and they both bump into catwoman….oh BTW penguin is running for president….but no batman won’t have that….understandable…..

Thats one of my favorite scenes in this film…..so anyways batman and catwoman fight….first of 2 fights I think…….anyways let’s skip alot……near the end of the second act….batman had secretly recorded penguin saying I played this stinken city like a hawk from hell…..so he plays that during his election…which does get everyone against penguin….so he goes back to his lair and now he wants to I wish I was joking…..sigh….kidnap every first born baby and drown them…..merry Christmas…….anyways batman stops this plan ….by saving the babies…thats right he was already having his goons steal babies………..so now penguin…straps rockets to his penguins ….so they can go blow up Gotham?….yeah BTW this film tried making fans feel bad for penguin…..oh yes…do feel bad for the…child kidnapper killer……makes perfect sense to me……….dear lord….so anyways batman goes and stops penguin….at his base….which is located underneath an abandoned zoo……interesting……I guess?…..although doesn’t look like ur typical zoo….no no it looks more like if Tim Burton was left in charge of designing a zoo…….

Its hard for me to describe that scene so watch it….beat way to is..bat-boat crashes on penguins duck car?…..idk why a duck…..im just gonna say it….why the duck not….….yes I do apologize for that awful pun……ill let u reviewers face palm urself…..like I am….

So anyways after that whole dumb pun…..batman just lets his bars knock penguin backwards into his underground lair into some water…..batman goes down there as well where Max Shrek is being held in a cage…..batman is well there to arrest him…..understandable…..again he’s a bad guy…….so Selina Kyle shows up…..and this is the first time Shrek sees Selina Kyle is catwoman and I just love his reaction he says….Selina?….Selina Kyle….ur fired……..hahahahah ….dude I’m sorry I think that’s the last thing that she cares about….she’s here to kill u silly….……

Anyway yes also batman does take of his cowl infront of shrek….yes now he knows he’s Bruce Wayne…..I also like his reaction….Bruce Wayne?…why u dressed as batman?……well jee I don’t know…maybe it’s because he’s going to go on a long frawlick in the park…..what do u think bozo!!?….anyways…catwoman takes a tazor….and puts it in Shreks mouth….and as u can see it well causes a bit of small explosion of sparks…..oh and yes it does kill Shrek…. now um….I was considering showing this next clip…but then thought to myself nah its to dark….because don’t need to be responsible for scaring someone….so I’ve decided to….show it anyways…but firstly fair warning ….this footage ur about to see (depending on whos reading) can and will probably creep u out a bit….

Ur welcome for that….but for u of those who don’t want to click on it…ill describe this scene….so we see penguin come out of the water….all wet…and blackish green ooze (which i think is his blood?l…oozing from his mouth and a bit from his nose….….oh yeah such a pleasant sight for a kids film…wouldn’t u say?….….and he’s walking over to his umbrellas…to pick on to kill batman with….while batman is trying to look for catwoman behind the big mess…but what he does find in stead is Shreks burnt dead body….yes we see his face burnt to a crisp with his eyeballs bulging out a bit and jaw right open……..again such a pleasant sight for kids of all suitable ages…..Jesus lord…..oh and then penguin falls over and dies………..merry Christmas….and his penguins come and push his body into the water as a send off while sad music plays in the background?…ok movie…seriously are u trying to make us feel bad for a child murderer….um just, exactly what tender scenes am I supposed to look back at to feel bad for his death…..was it him bitting a guys nose off?……no……was it him kidnapping kids?…nope not that…..was it him wanting to go up there to find his parents…I mean thats good he wants to belong to society….oh wait nevermind this was all a ploy to go up there and kill more children…..um I guess that leaves us with him being tossed over a bridge as a baby into the sewer….um…bridge it is…….ill, miss u?…….so anyways film ends with batman picking up a stray cat in a ally way and now its Christmas….oh an the film officially ends with a shot of cat woman standing in front of the bat signal….on top of a building….fun fact that scene was not gonna be in this film….this was a last minute add on….heck its not Michelle Pfeiffer in that suite its her stand in…ah well….and thats Batman Returns…..my god this film is dark…..see this is the problem when u leave Tim Burton alone and give him free roam on everything with this film…thats right he was given free roam on this film….congrats Warner Brothers….u asked Tim Burton to make u a batman film/ Christmas film…..what did u expect would happen….u honestly thought he’d make a decent kid friendly film….no sorry all his films are dark and scary…….honestly Tim Burton has a odd taste when it comes to his film…when I mean odd I meant to say dark……its something not meant for everyone….heck im not a fan of him….just to dark for my liking…..im gonna give this film a solid 6/10……its on HBO Max I think……..good luck watching this….I wish u the best with nothing……