Nosferatu 2024: Let’s start by showing y’all the trailers shall we?

Yes, folks, a remake of a film from 1922, which was itself a ripoff of *Bram Stoker’s Dracula*, has been released on Christmas Day 2024—on a Wednesday no less. I still can’t quite wrap my head around the decision to release it then. For those who might be triggered by the film’s content, be warned—it’s rated R for nudity, explicit sex scenes, and gore.

Also, given the time period it portrays, all the men come off as quite sexist. I finally saw it on the 26th, and I barely managed to grab decent seats, which shows there was a good amount of interest in the film. Now, for the non-spoiler review:

Is the film great? Not exactly, though it’s certainly good. The cinematography is stunning, and I have immense respect for director Robert Eggers. This was a passion project for him, one he’s been working on since his teenage years. It reminds me of Denis Villeneuve’s *Dune* films, also a passion project. While the film is eerie, it’s not particularly scary. Instead, it’s bizarre—a strange, macabre take on a vampire story. It’s possibly the horniest vampire film I’ve ever seen. For context, this film feels like if a sex addict remade *Nosferatu*.

This film is basically just Beauty and the Beast if Beauty killed the Beast. Basically he’s a 300 year old Horn Dog, that’s what this film’s boils down to.

It’s not as dark as *Twilight*, but it’s weird and unsettling. Despite its peculiarities, I recommend seeing it. However, don’t go in expecting a typical horror vampire story. This is more of a gothic romance, with subtle, dark comedy mixed in. Think of *Beauty and the Beast*, but with a vampire instead of a beast, and the beast dies. In terms of plot, it’s a predictable retelling of a story we’ve seen many times, but Eggers’ direction and the film’s unique presentation make it feel fresh. And, no, this is not a *SpongeBob SquarePants* reference—Eggers recently thanked *SpongeBob* for introducing *Nosferatu* to a new generation.

This film is definitely not a horror film, horror uh no. Horny yeah definitely, this is a horny film instead of a horror film.

As for Count Orlok’s design, it’s a mixed bag. Eggers aimed for a rotting corpse look, and I appreciate that. However, Orlok’s biker mustache and strange comb-over were off-putting and distracted from the otherwise eerie effect.

To me he looked less like Count Orlock and more like a Mongolian Hillbilly on Meth, that’s actually a fitting description. I really don’t like this design, I prefer the original design.

Me personally I ain’t a fan of how much they steered away from using the OG design which is so iconic. About the only thing this Nosferatu has in common with the 1922 design is long fingers and nails, that’s about it really.

I will say I found a great description of him in this film, Count Orlock feels less like a character in this film and more like a Halloween prop u would find at Spirit Halloween, yeah that sums it up perfectly. Btw here’s a behind-the-scenes interview on Skarsgård talking about the role of Count Orlock.

Yeah I see less Count Orlock and more Waluigi, so the entire time I was like oh look it’s Waluigi!

The cast is impressive: Bill Skarsgård (unrecognizable as Count Orlok), Willem Dafoe, Lily-Rose Depp, Nicholas Hoult, and more. Skarsgård delivers a transformative performance, as does Depp, who is the film’s main character. The costumes and makeup are beautiful, but the dialect might be hard for some to understand, with phrases like “by the first crow of cock” (which I had never heard before).

The story follows Ellen Hutter, who unwittingly summons Count Orlok through a prayer, leading him to fall in love with her. Orlok moves nearby, and the film spirals into a gothic tale filled with death, plague, and supernatural elements.

While the film’s eerie vibe is effective, it lacks the chilling moments of the original *Nosferatu*, like the haunting scenes of Orlok looming in shadows. I also found the design of Count Orlok somewhat campy at times, especially with his mustache. Some moments felt unintentionally humorous, such as Ellen’s over-the-top seizures or how Willem Dafoe’s character suddenly names the vampire “Nosferatu” without explanation. 

Fun fact apparently the way Bill Skarsgård got into preparation for the role he’d talk in a way like he’s doing some sorta Mongolian throat singing.

Also, do I think this film was overrated? Yeah pretty much, u aren’t gonna get really anything new from this film. There have been countless remakes of the Count Dracula story, and u could pop on any of them. U will get the same story, only difference is the atmosphere and filming.

Ultimately, I’d rate *Nosferatu* 2024 a solid 7/10. It’s worth watching, but it’s not without flaws.

BTW this isn’t the first remake of the Nosferatu design we’ve got, there’s at least 5 total. Here’s an image of all 5 of them.

So the film opens up with Ellen Hutter begging out to some guardian angel to hear her pleads, instead a demon answers her call whose name is Count Orlock.

This is what kicks everything into action, now we skip to 1 year later and Thomas Hutter has to get to his job to meet his noss Herr Knock, who has a job for him that can land him a promotion with more money. He plans to move to a better home with his girlfriend Ellen Hutter and her pet cat.

As soon as he gets to his job, Knocks sends him on a mission to go all the way to this castle in the middle of the mountains near a small village which I’d a 6 week travel, to help get papers signed from this guy called Count Orlock.

He wants to move into this city for retirement, and he asked specifically for a person to go there and work on the papers in person.

So Hutter is to leave at once, he promises Ellen he will send notes to her every day, and he takes her to stay with his friend named Friedrich Harding and his wife Anna Harding plus their 2 young daughters.

He wishes Hutter luck on his job promotion. So Hutter heads out but after Ellen’s plead for him not to go because she says she has visions and she had one of her at the alter and Thomas wasn’t there, something bad happened to him.

Uh oh, but anyway nothing gonna stop Hutter from getting that promotion so he heads out on a horse where he ends up finding himself at that village he was told about.

He goes to a cavern and asks the guy there after he makes his way past some gypsies, he asks if he can spend the night he will pay him. Because he has a job to do to go to Count Orlocks castle. Which the people there say don’t say that name.

Heck, the nun who tucks him to bed also says don’t go up there, I pray pray pray for u.

Ohhhhhhh what possible evil can be happening at that castle? During that night he has a nightmare where he’s walking in the woods and sees the town folks taking a naked lady on a horse to the woods as a sacrifice to a coffin with a vampire in it for some reason.

He was up anyway then he headed out on foot because his horse was missing, so he made his way up to a janky old bridge and crossed it also there’s a shrine with crosses. If I was him I’d turn back now, but he doesn’t. Instead, he makes his way to a 4-way crossroads. When this carriage comes out of nowhere pulled by horses, also the carriage door opens by itself.

Yet he still enters it, bro if a carriage came up to me in the middle of the mountains at night and the carriage opened by itself I ain’t gonna enter it. In fact I’d be like yeah on second thought I’m heading back, this ain’t worth the promotion.

But he still proceeds to go forward, he makes his way to the castle. When he gets there he tries knocking on the big door but it opens up on its own, again run now while u still can.

So anyways inside the Count tells him how he is late, that he’s past the hour then he tells Hutter to hand him the papers and then to go take a seat at the table.

I will say I do love this shot, we see Hutter sitting down and the camera is aimed sideways to his right side where we see the Count walk off-camera with the papers. Just so the camera shifts to the left side where we see the Count standing right next to his left side pouring him some wine.

That was a cool shot, but also there’s something off about this count. Also, his face is hidden in the shadows, so after Hutter accidentally cuts his finger while cutting some bread. The Count tells him to come to him.

Hutter wakes up on the floor the next day all dazed and confused. He looks around and finds a mirror. What he sees is 2 fang bites in his chest, that night he signs the papers which apparently was him signing the rights to his wife away from him.

Uhhh yikes. All the while Orlock is ogling over this heart-shaped necklace of Hutter’s wife that he had around his neck. He asks him if he can see it, but he ends up taking it.

After Hutter signs the papers he asks if he can head back home. Which the Count says u will stay here and rest, and u will obey me my council! Here’s the clip of him talking.

So the next day Hutter wakes up with even more bite marks on him. So this time he tries escaping but every door is locked. But he does find a cellar door outside that leads to this room filled with coffins.

He goes up to this middle coffin that’s made of stone and is all detailed, he opens it up and Count Orlock is resting inside.

This is where we get to see the design of him. He’s naked for some reason. He’s all skinny, has sores on him, and has a hillbilly mustache.

And that’s when I stopped finding this vampire design scary, actually scratch that it was the night before when we vaguely see his face from the shadows but can make out a mustache.

No offense but mustaches aren’t scary in my opinion, also he has that ugly comb over to one side hairstyle. Again killing any suspension for me. He looks more like Vladimir The Impaler than he does Count Orlock. Here’s a drawing of what he looks like, a cousin of mine found this drawing of him on Reddit.

So Hutter grabs a pickaxe and is about to swing it at the Count but the Count wakes up and grabs it out of his hands which causes Hutter to run back to his room.

Oh also while Orlock is standing up in his coffin I kid u not his Shlong is hanging out. Yep, I didn’t need to see that.

Anyways, The Vampire uses his powers to appear on the other side of the door with Hutter via his shadow. He then mind-controls Hutter via his shadow to open the door.

Where we see Count Orlock in his outfit standing across the hallway with his 3 dogs, yes this version of the Count has dogs.

He then proceeds to walk up to Hutter and pin him to the floor, get naked off-screen, and start fucking, I mean sucking Hutter’s blood.

Yeah, ain’t nothing sexualized here fellas, just a 300-year-old vampire butt naked while on top of another guy on the floor, suckikg the blood out of his chest.

I feel I just described someone’s bizarre fetish. Anyway, the next day Hutter wakes up to the dogs trying to run at him so he makes it to the window and jumps out into the open waterfalls. Dunn dunn dunn!

Enough of him let’s now go talk about his wife for a bit, so she starts having seizures and starts sleepwalking at night. Is screaming a lot. So Friedrich calls in a doctor who tries to help but all his techniques aren’t working so he offers up a different solution.

Another doctor that goes by the name Professor Albin Eberhart von Franz, he’s kinda unorthodox because he got kicked out of the industry because he started studying and believing in the occult. The supernatural if u will, so they both go visit him.

BTW when this character is introduced he does bring comedy to this film, he looks at Friedrich and says “u look tired (opens bottle) Schnapps?” Hahahahhahaha.

All while this is happening guess what’s happened to Knocks? He’s in a doctor’s ward locked up. He was found mutilating sheep, the doctor enters his cell and we see him next to 2 dead rats and holding a pigeon in his hands.

Take a guess where this is going? Tests right he eats the head of the pigeon, uh eww completely unnecessary. He then says he is coming, my lord is coming. Then he tries attacking the doctor so they tie him up in a chair for his and everyone else’s safety.

So back to Professor Albin Eberhart von Franz, he’s essentially the Van Helsing.

They get to his place. He’s asleep but he wakes up and recognizes somehow that Friedrich is having some kinda woman issue at his home.

So he heads over with them where he finds Ellen Hutter tied up to the bed. He tells them to untie her. He has her tell him everything relating to her dreams, she tells him how she doesn’t really remember but how she could feel each vision.

She then finishes by saying is evil within us or beyond? That night during her seizures she starts convulsing and screaming. She keeps saying he is coming! Which he says who’s who’s coming for u, my child!

He also shoves a needle through her wrist to show she’s not fully here and can’t feel pain. I hated that scene, me and needles just nope.

Anyways she starts talking in a demonic voice and he tries to cast the demon away.

He tells them that he thinks it’s a demon that’s causing all this, the other doctor says he means it rhetorically, which then Von Franz says no I literally mean a demon.

Like I said, he brings some comedy to this film.

The Professor asks them to keep an eye on her and take notes as he continues with his research because he believes a demon is possessing her mainly because of that encounter.

Oh btw she finds out Hutter has gone missing and she’s worried about him, so is Friedrich of course. So is Anna who is Ellen’s only friend who understands her, because in this time period men don’t understand women, unfortunately.

Eventually, Hutter is found near a riverside by a nun. He’s taken back to a church where he’s held. He wakes up and says he’s got to head back to Ellen the Count is after her. We then see the ship the Count is on.

He’s asleep in his coffin. Well, I say asleep but he’s speaking in his language out at Ellen to dream of only him and only him, next thing u know a plague breaks out on the ship.

1 guy is found dead, and another guy kneels over and starts vomiting blood. Uh eww, the ship dumps off the dead bodies, one guy takes an axe and says I’m gonna end this evil. It’s the stuff we are carrying, he then opens a crate where he finds nothing but rats inside. Also off to the side, we see Count Orlock in the shadows who is also naked.

He then takes a chomp out of the guy’s neck, blood spurts out of his neck. Then we see Knocks knocked onto the floor asking for help. A guy comes into his cell to fix the chair that’s knocked over. All the while Knocks is foaming at the mouth, uh ew.

He then takes a bite out of the guy’s neck then he runs off during the night to go greet his master who has just come.

Dunn dumn dunn! He then finds out the situation relating to this guy named Knocks, he asks to go see him but he finds out Knocks escaped last night so he says he needs to be found!

Things are getting worse, Hutter heads back on horseback even though he’s not fully recovered. He makes it back and he’s not doing well at all.

Anyways that night at 3 am Friedrich gets a knock at the door by some cops. They take him to this crashed boat that shows up to shore. Aboard are rats who come ashore, so they call it the plague boat.

So anyways Professor Albin Eberhart Von Franz is asked to come examine some dead bodies in a morgue that was found on the boat, what was Peculiar is that there were bite marks on a dead body and they had no blood in them.

Anyways Ellen asks if she can stay with Anna that night in her room, that night while they are asleep Ellen gets a visit from the Count in the bedroom. After we get a cool epic shot of the shadow of his hand Glooming over the city.

He tells her how she woke him up from his slumber and how now he’s in love with her, she says u can’t love and ur fowl. He basically shoves her to the ground and says I’ll give u 3 nights, tonight is the 1st night, and by the 3rd night u better come to me on your own terms.

Or else I’ll kill that husband of urs. Jeepers he means business.

Also aa soon as he said to Lilly Rose Depp’s character I’ll give u 3 nights, I laughed out loud and said what in the hell is with this Saturday morning cartoon Waluigi-type villain!? 🤣

So she wakes up and sees Anna on the floor with rats covering her. She’s now infected and has gone mad, so Friedrich kicks Ellen and Thomas out even though they are sick.

After an argument between Ellen and Friedrich, they reluctantly go, they shuffle back home through piles of dead bodies being carried away in coffins.

BTW both of them that night have a conversation, Ellen admits how she summoned Nosferatu because Thomas could enter please her as he could. She gets mad because she found out thanks to the Count that Thomas sold her away for cash. Uh yikes, dude your screwed.

So then he grabs her puts her on a chair and starts having sex with her. Yes, I felt uncomfortable watching this scene idk why? Oh wait I know why. Also, he sees his girlfriend having a demonic seizure with her eyes rolling in the back of her head.

All the while she’s kneeling and screaming, and basically his thought is oh yeah perfect time to bang her, yeah nothing screams I’m horny like my soon to be wife having a demonic seizure.

So both the doctor and Professor Albin Eberhart Von Franz go visit Friedrich. He tells them he sent Ellen and Thomas home. Albin tells of how he has never faced Nosferatu before, oh right did I forget to mention he just name-drops the vampire as Nosferatu for no reason? He says a little earlier we’re here encountering Nosferatu.

Also he mentions how he’s seen things that would make sir Issac Newton crawl back in his womb.

He says I’ve never faced him before, so Friedrich says I’m going mad. U both leave now, so that night while Anna and her husband are asleep she hears her daughters screaming so she wakes up and heads to their room where she sees Count Orlock sucking the blood out of the second kid and he shoves the dead body onto the floor.

Yikes, this got dark, then he goes after the wife, so now a funeral happens for Friedrichs wife and 2 daughters. Oh and soon-to-be kid because Anna was pregnant, that’s right. Shite this got dark very quickly.

So now they have to stop Nosferatu before this plague continues to spread and kill off everyone. They make a plan while driving in a carriage, Ellen Hutter personally walks the professor up to his house.

They both talk in private about how she might be the way to stop Count Orlock, he will distract Thomas tonight by taking him to go quote on quote to kill Nosferatu at his coffin.

So the 3 of them wait for Friedrich that night but Thomas can sense Friedrich isn’t doing well. Which we can see he’s not. He goes and visits his wife and kid’s grave where he lays on the grave for a second and we see brown marks on his face, and then he coughs up blood, then he shoves open the coffin, and proceeds to kiss the corpse of his wife.

Uhhhhhhh Robert Eggers are u ok? Is there something ur not telling us? Also, I think now u see what I mean by this Is the Horniest vampire movie I’ve seen, I still don’t know why Count Orlock gets naked every time he’s about to suck blood from a person.

So they make it to the catacombs where they find Friedrich dead with his wife lying on him. So they burn the corpses.

They head to Nosferatu Tomb to finish this once and for all. While this happens Ellen opens up her window and accepts Count Orlock into her room, we see him coming to her via shadows.

He says u come to me willingly? She says yes. Then they both start to kiss each other, yep I think I’m about to be sick. She gets naked and lays on the bed and so does the Count. He gets on top of her and starts sucking blood from her breasts, uh huh.

Moving on, they open up Count Orlock’s coffin, and inside is Knocks. They accidentally stab Knocks. Thomas realizes Albin Eberhart Von Franz tricked him and knew the Count wouldn’t be here. So he heads back home to save his wife.

While Albin Eberhart Von Franz pours gasoline everywhere and burns everything. And laughing like a madman.

BTW my final thoughts on William Dafoe in this film is he really feels like he’s in a different film, while everyone is taking things seriously. U just have old William there overacting.

So Thomas starts running back as the sun comes out.

Unfortunately, he’s too late the Count has had his way with her, but it’s now daytime. He looks out at the window and Ellen sits up and puts her head near him and the Count starts screaming as blood starts pouring out his eyes and mouth.

This scene lingers for a good 5 seconds btw.

Here’s a screenshot image of what he looked like in this scene.

Btw this is the soundtrack that plays during this entire ending death scene.

Then he falls over on her and dies, Thomas makes it back and witnesses Ellen die, Professor Albin Eberhart Von Franz shows up with some flowers and starts throwing them on the bed around both corpses as he’s saying I hope u can forgive us.

But this is the end of Nosferatu, then he grabs Ellen’s cat and stares out the window. We get a final shot of Ellen’s naked body on the bed with blood on the side, a naked shriveled up rotting Count Orlock laying on her with flowers on the side of them, ok uh yep that’s definitely a shot to end the film on.

Also, his limbs are so skinny and crooked, that it makes u wonder how the hell was he able to stand up and walk in this film, was he hovering?

BTW yes essentially Ellen’s plan was to get Count Orlock so horny to the point he forgets what time of the day it is so he stays while the sunlight comes out. That’s truly a weird plan.

The end, yeah that’s a bleach ending, but if any of y’all already watched the 1922 film then y’all knew it was gonna end bleach. Jeepers this film was bizarre, I truly have no idea If I love this film or hate it, I need to watch this a second time to determine if I hate it or love it. Anyway that’s all for now have a great rest of y’all 2024, and have a great new year. See y’all next year in 2025.