Pan (2015)

What In The Fairy Dust Fever Dream Was This?

Let’s start by showing y’all the trailers shall we?

So I am going to start this review off with one simple question.

Why?

No, seriously.

Why Warner Bros.? Why did you make this movie? Why did anyone think this was the Peter Pan origin story people were begging for? Because after rewatching Pan, I walked away with the same reaction I had years ago, which is mostly just me sitting there, staring at the screen, wondering if I imagined half of what I just watched.

This movie is bizarre. Not fun bizarre. Not creative bizarre. Not “wow this is weird but I respect the swing” bizarre. I mean baffling bizarre. The kind of bizarre where every five minutes the movie makes a choice so strange that you pause and go, “Wait, why did they do that?”

And somehow, despite being this weird, it is also dull. That is impressive in the worst way. A movie with flying pirate ships, fairy dust mines, Blackbeard, Tiger Lily, Captain Hook, and Peter Pan should not be boring. Yet here we are.

Non-Spoiler Plot Overview

Pan is supposed to be an origin story for Peter Pan. Instead of starting with wonder, imagination, adventure, or anything remotely magical, the movie opens with Peter living in an orphanage during World War II under the care of an abusive nun.

Already I am asking questions.

Why are we starting here? Why is this Peter Pan movie opening like some depressing wartime drama? I understand wanting to give Peter a backstory, but this is Peter Pan. The boy who never grew up. A character tied to imagination, childhood, mischief, and adventure. So naturally the movie starts with strict nuns and orphanage misery.

Then Peter gets kidnapped by pirates and taken to Neverland. And when I say Neverland, do not picture the magical world from the classic Peter Pan stories. Do not picture colorful jungles, fairies, mermaids, pirates, adventure, and childlike wonder.

Nope.

This movie introduces Neverland as a giant dirty mining pit where children are forced to dig for fairy dust crystals.

Wonderful.

Nothing screams “place of imagination” like child slave labor in a brown dirt hole.

And then, as if that was not strange enough, we are introduced to the main villain, Blackbeard, played by Hugh Jackman. And how does this movie introduce its big villain?

With Blackbeard and a bunch of enslaved children singing Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit.”

I wish I was joking.

I truly wish I was joking.

This movie takes place around World War II, and yet Blackbeard is singing a song from 1991. With slave children. In Neverland. In a Peter Pan prequel.

Why?

Just why?

Character Rundown

Peter Pan himself is honestly not very interesting here. The movie turns him into the chosen one, because apparently every fantasy movie at some point has to fall into the chosen one trap. This is one of my biggest issues with the movie. Peter Pan did not need to be turned into a prophecy child.

Peter Pan works because he is Peter Pan. He is mischievous. He is reckless. He is immature. He is fun. He is the boy who refuses to grow up. But this movie looks at that and says, “What if he was actually the savior of Neverland?”

No. Stop. Please stop.

The chosen one storyline has been done so many times that unless you are doing something really interesting with it, it just feels lazy. Harry Potter made it work. Star Wars barely made it work with Anakin depending on who you ask. Pan does not make it work. It just makes Peter feel like another generic fantasy hero instead of Peter Pan.

Then we have Blackbeard.

Hugh Jackman is trying. I will give him that. He is definitely giving a performance. But this version of Blackbeard is so strange that I never fully understood what the movie wanted him to be.

First off, he does not look like Blackbeard.

Blackbeard is one of the most iconic pirates in history. The name alone tells you what the design should probably focus on.

A black beard.

And yet this movie gives us a Blackbeard who barely has a beard, and what beard he does have looks more gray than black. So at that point I am sitting there thinking, “Blackbeard? No. Greybeard? Definitely.”

Also why is he bald and wearing a wig? Why does he have this overexaggerated flamboyant design with feathers, armor, and what looks like a weird conquistador fashion show outfit? I have no problem with flamboyant pirate designs. Pirates of the Caribbean has plenty of that. But for Blackbeard, this just does not work for me.

He looks less like the legendary pirate Blackbeard and more like a theater villain who got lost on the way to a rock opera.

And yes, Hugh Jackman is hamming it up like crazy. Sometimes that can be fun, but here it just adds to the confusion. The movie wants him to be intimidating, but then it introduces him with Nirvana. It wants him to be a terrifying pirate ruler, but his costume makes him look like he is about to perform in a gothic stage musical. It wants him to be dangerous, but half the time I am too distracted by the choices around him to feel threatened.

Then there is James Hook.

Oh boy.

This might be one of the strangest versions of Hook I have ever seen. Garrett Hedlund plays him, and I have seen him before in Tron: Legacy, but nothing about this performance screams Captain Hook.

Nothing.

He does not dress like Hook. He does not sound like Hook. He does not feel like Hook. He is wearing what looks like a normal shirt, jacket, brown pants, and a fedora. He comes off less like the future Captain James Hook and more like some cowboy-miner-adventurer who wandered into the wrong movie.

The accent is also bizarre. It feels like the director told him, “Try to mix Han Solo, Bones from the J.J. Abrams Star Trek movies, and a southern cowboy,” and then somehow called that Captain Hook.

At no point did I look at him and think, “Yeah, I can see this guy becoming Captain Hook.”

He is too much of a hot boy. He looks like he should be selling cologne called Neverland Rogue, not becoming one of the most iconic pirate villains in fiction.

And then there is Tiger Lily.

Rooney Mara is a good actress, but casting her as Tiger Lily was a terrible decision. Tiger Lily is traditionally Native American, and this movie cast a white actress. That was controversial back in 2015, and yeah, I completely understand why.

The excuse seemed to be that they did not want to repeat offensive Native American stereotypes like older Peter Pan adaptations did. And you know what? Fine. That is a good thing to avoid.

But here is the wild part.

You can avoid offensive stereotypes while still casting Native actors.

Instead, the movie avoids one problem and creates another one. They were so afraid of doing the old stereotype version that they created a tribe made up of random ethnicities and aesthetics with no real explanation, and it just leaves the audience confused. Tiger Lily is white, her father is dark-skinned, and the tribe itself looks like the movie threw every culture, color, and costume idea into a blender.

I understand wanting a fantasy tribe. I understand wanting to avoid harmful tropes. But the end result still needs to make sense within the world. This does not.

Pacing / Story Flow

The pacing in this movie is rough.

The first fifteen minutes are Peter in the orphanage. Then the next fifteen minutes are Peter getting kidnapped and thrown into the fairy dust mines. So about thirty minutes of this short movie go by before the story even slightly starts feeling like a Peter Pan adventure.

And when it finally does get more colorful, that does not mean it gets better. It just means there are now more colors on screen.

Neverland itself feels surprisingly small. For a place that is supposed to represent imagination, it feels limited. We basically get a few major locations, and one of them is the boring mine. The scope never feels as magical or grand as it should.

This is Neverland. This should be one of the easiest fantasy worlds to make exciting. And yet somehow the movie makes it feel smaller, stranger, and less magical than it should.

That is honestly impressive in a bad way.

Pros

I will give the movie this: it is not visually lazy. There are moments where the colors pop, and you can tell the production design team was trying to make something big and different.

Hugh Jackman is also clearly committed. I do not think he is good as Blackbeard in the way the movie wants him to be, but I cannot say he is sleepwalking. He is giving the role energy. Maybe too much energy, but energy nonetheless.

There are some ideas here that could have worked in a better movie. A Peter Pan origin story could work. A version of Neverland ruled by pirates could work. Blackbeard as a villain could work. Young Hook starting as Peter’s ally could work. A darker fantasy version of Peter Pan could work.

The problem is not that every idea is bad on paper.

The problem is that the execution is a mess.

Cons

The biggest issue with Pan is that it feels like the movie never knows what it wants to be.

Is it a dark fantasy about child labor and oppression?

Is it a whimsical Peter Pan adventure?

Is it a chosen one story?

Is it a pirate movie?

Is it trying to be modern and edgy?

Is it trying to be classic and magical?

The movie says yes to all of these, and that is the problem.

The Nirvana scene alone sums up the entire movie. Blackbeard and enslaved children singing “Smells Like Teen Spirit” is one of the most baffling things I have ever seen in a big-budget fantasy movie. It does not feel timeless. It does not feel creative. It feels like the movie shattered its own reality for no reason.

Then later they sing “Blitzkrieg Bop” by The Ramones, because apparently this movie just really wanted modern-ish rock songs in Neverland regardless of whether it made any sense.

Hook is another massive issue. This is supposed to be James Hook, but nothing about him feels like James Hook. He is just a generic handsome rogue with a weird accent and a fedora. If you took away the name, I do not think most people would guess he is supposed to become Captain Hook.

Tiger Lily’s casting and the tribe design are also huge problems. The movie tries to avoid one offensive depiction, but instead creates a confusing fantasy tribe with no clear identity, no strong worldbuilding, and a casting choice that caused controversy for a reason.

The chosen one plot is lazy. Peter Pan did not need prophecy nonsense attached to him.

Blackbeard’s design is ridiculous. Again, his name is Blackbeard. Give him a beard. You had one job.

The tone is all over the place. One scene has children being kicked off planks to their deaths, and another scene has colorful Neverland nonsense that feels like a children’s jungle gym.

Speaking of that, why is there a giant trampoline in the tribe’s village? Why is that the fighting arena? Who looked at Peter Pan and said, “You know what this needs? A trampoline battle.”

Why do people explode into pastel colors when they die?

Why does Blackbeard want to burn the fairies if fairy dust is what keeps him young?

Why is Hook even in the mines if Blackbeard is kidnapping children?

Why is everyone singing Nirvana?

Why does this movie exist?

The Nirvana Scene…Smells Like Something Fishy Going On Here?

I genuinely think this is one of the most confusing scenes I have ever watched in a big-budget fantasy movie.

So let me get this straight.

This movie takes place around World War II. Peter gets kidnapped by pirates and brought to Neverland where children are being forced to mine fairy dust crystals for Blackbeard.

Alright movie, weird setup, but I’m following.

Then Blackbeard makes his grand entrance.

And what do we hear?

🎶 WITH THE LIGHTS OUT, IT’S LESS DANGEROUS! 🎶

I’m sorry.

WHAT!?

I sat there in complete disbelief.

Also don’t believe me? Here’s the music from the movie!

Told you this is weird!

Not because the song is bad. I actually like Nirvana.

But what in the name of Peter Pan is Nirvana doing in this movie!?

This song came out in 1991.

The movie is set decades before that.

So why are pirates and enslaved children singing Smells Like Teen Spirit in Neverland!?

Who wrote the song in this universe!?

Did Kurt Cobain visit Neverland!?

Did Blackbeard have a secret grunge phase!?

Movie! Explain yourself!

And before someone says:

“Oh Jarrod, Neverland is timeless.”

Okay.

Then explain why Peter starts the movie in World War II London.

Explain why everything has an early 20th century aesthetic.

Explain why Blackbeard looks like he’s from a gothic opera but somehow knows a song from 1991.

The scene completely shattered my immersion.

I wasn’t thinking:

> “Wow, this is a magical world.”



I was thinking:

> “What year is this!?”



And the worst part?

The movie does it AGAIN later with Blitzkrieg Bop by The Ramones!

At this point I wasn’t even watching the movie anymore.

I was just waiting for Blackbeard to start singing Sweet Child O’ Mine while riding a flying pirate ship.

🤣

This scene isn’t charming.

It isn’t clever.

It isn’t magical.

It’s just baffling.

And honestly?

If somebody asked me to summarize Pan (2015) in one scene…

It would absolutely be:

> Hugh Jackman’s Blackbeard leading enslaved children in a Nirvana singalong while mining fairy dust in Neverland.



Because if that sentence doesn’t confuse you…

Nothing in this movie will.

Final Thoughts

Pan is not just bad.

It is baffling.

That is the best word I can use for it. Baffling.

It is the kind of movie where nearly every creative decision makes you ask questions the movie has no interest in answering. Why is Neverland introduced as a fairy dust mine full of enslaved children? Why is Blackbeard singing Nirvana? Why does Hook feel nothing like Hook? Why is Tiger Lily whitewashed? Why is Peter Pan a chosen one? Why does the tribe have trampolines? Why does the movie feel both overstuffed and empty at the same time?

I do not think Pan is the worst movie ever made. But it is one of those movies where I completely understand why people still bring it up years later as an example of a studio making every strange choice possible.

It is not magical enough to be a good Peter Pan movie.

It is not exciting enough to be a good pirate adventure.

It is not coherent enough to be a good fantasy film.

It is just weird.

And not the good kind of weird.

Rating

I am giving Pan a 5/10.

It has some visual creativity, and Hugh Jackman is at least trying, but this movie is a confusing mess. I would almost recommend watching it just so you can experience how bizarre it is for yourself.

Because no matter how much I explain it, nothing quite prepares you for the moment Hugh Jackman’s Blackbeard starts singing Nirvana with enslaved children in Neverland.

Spoiler Warning

From this point on, I am going into spoilers.

So if you have not seen Pan and somehow want to experience this fever dream blind, turn back now.

Spoilers

The movie eventually reveals that Peter is basically the chosen one who must learn how to fly. He has three days to do it, or else everything goes wrong. And honestly, this feels like they stole the basic emotional setup from Hook, where Peter also has to rediscover how to fly.

Except Hook was actually good.

Here, it just feels lazy.

The final act is where the movie really starts collapsing. Blackbeard wants to destroy the fairies, which makes no sense because he needs fairy dust to stay young. So why would he destroy the source of the thing keeping him alive? What is the plan after that? Does he have storage barrels of fairy dust somewhere? Is he budgeting this out? Movie, help me here.

Then there is the final battle, where the movie cannot even keep its own gravity rules consistent. Hook starts falling and somehow has enough time for Peter to learn to fly and save him. But Blackbeard falls and hits the ground much faster. So apparently gravity in Neverland works differently depending on whether the script needs you alive.

And yes, Blackbeard dies while singing “Smells Like Teen Spirit” again.

Because apparently this movie is obsessed with that song.

The ending has Peter and Hook still friends, Hook becoming captain of the Jolly Roger, and this forced romance between Hook and Tiger Lily that has no real chemistry. It feels like the movie says, “He is hot, she is hot, therefore romance.”

No. That is not enough.

By the end, I did not feel like I had watched a meaningful origin story for Peter Pan. I felt like I watched a studio desperately try to turn Peter Pan into a franchise starter by throwing every fantasy blockbuster cliché at the wall.

Chosen one prophecy.

Dark backstory.

Young version of iconic villain.

Forced romance.

Giant CGI battles.

Overdesigned worldbuilding.

Random modern songs.

And none of it comes together.

Pan is one of those movies where the more I think about it, the less sense it makes.

And maybe the most fitting thing about it is that the one scene everyone remembers is not Peter flying, not Hook, not Tiger Lily, not Neverland, and not the emotional story.

It is Blackbeard singing Nirvana.

That pretty much says it all. Also, here’s a couple of youtube videos talking about this movie. Enjoy

Jeremy Jahns Pan review 

Chris Stuckmanns Pan review 

And this is a 20 movie review that shows the film…basically 20 min of a guy talking the film and pointing out problems…do check it out…enjoy 

Should  warn u guys those 3 videos might have just some offensive words…I say my because some people have different opinions….and of course some cussing…not much but if u can’t stand that then cool…but if u can then cool.