Gods of Egypt (2016) 💀 “What if Egyptian mythology… but everyone is a superhero and nobody is Egyptian.” — 🎬 Let’s start by showing y’all the trailers shall we? — 🧾 Non-Spoiler Plot Overview So this movie drops you into a version of ancient Egypt where the gods are basically giant, glowing, armor-wearing superhumans who…
Category: Never Again
Tale of the Mummy (1998/1999)
Tale of the Mummy (1998/1999) 📜 “This movie thinks it’s deep… and I’m sitting here trying to figure out what it’s even saying.” — 🎬 Let’s start by showing y’all the trailers shall we? — If y’all are wondering why i’m reviewing these now, it’s because we’re getting a new mummy film that just released…
Day of the Mummy (2014)
Day of the Mummy (2014) 💀 ⚠️ Content Warning This is a horror/action film. Expect violence, gunfights, some creepy imagery, and a mix of tones that don’t always agree with each other. Also expect decisions that will make you pause and go, “wait… why would you do that?” — Let’s start by showing y’all the…
The Mummy Reborn (2019)
The Mummy Reborn (2019) 💀 ⚠️ Content Warning This is a horror/action film. Expect violence, some creepy imagery, low-budget effects, and a whole lot of decisions that will make you question everyone involved—both on screen and behind the camera. — Let’s start by showing y’all the trailers shall we? Because this movie is trying REALLY…
The Pyramid (2014)
The Pyramid (2014) 💀 ⚠️ Content Warning This is a horror film. Expect discussion of violence, disturbing imagery, claustrophobic environments, and some truly baffling decisions that will make you question how these people made it this far in life. — Let’s start by showing y’all the trailers shall we? Because apparently everyone and every studio…
Clifford the Big Red Dog (2021)
Clifford the Big Red Dog (2021) ❤️ “Why is there a giant blood-colored dog running around New York??” — Let’s start by showing y’all the trailers shall we? — 🎬 Non-Spoiler Plot Overview So this movie is about a giant red dog. And I don’t mean “oh he’s a little bigger than normal.” No. I…
Tom & Jerry (2021)
Tom & Jerry (2021) 😾🐁 “This is a Tom & Jerry movie that forgot it’s a Tom & Jerry movie” — Let’s start by showing y’all the trailers shall we? — 🎬 Non-Spoiler Plot Overview So this movie is basically a hotel wedding movie. I wish I was joking. You’ve got this big royal wedding…
Dora and the Lost City of Gold (2019)
Dora and the Lost City of Gold (2019) 🍃 “I am a grown man watching Dora… and somehow also Indiana Jones?” — Let’s start by showing y’all the trailers shall we? — 🎬 Non-Spoiler Plot Overview So this movie is basically Dora the Explorer mixed with Indiana Jones mixed with The Mummy, and I’m just…
The Smurfs 2 (2013)
The Smurfs 2 (2013) 💙 A Smurf-Elicious sequal? Oh god they got me doing the puns now. Let’s start by showing y’all the trailers shall we? — 🟦 Non-Spoiler Plot Overview So somehow… we’re back. Gargamel (Hank Azaria) is still out here failing successfully, now famous for magic tricks, and still obsessed with capturing the…
The Smurfs (2011)
The Smurfs (2011) 💙 “New York needed saving… just not like this.” Let’s start by showing y’all the trailers shall we? — 🟦 Non-Spoiler Plot Overview So the Smurfs are living their peaceful little magical forest life when Gargamel (Hank Azaria) shows up—because of course he does—and chases them through a portal that drops them…
Judicious Jarrod's Every-Flavor Entertainment and Media Reviews 