🎥Let’s start by showing y’all the trailers shall we?

🙄 I Didn’t Want To… But I Had To

Ohhhhhhhh boy. Look—I’ve been trying to avoid watching this series and reviewing it. But I felt I needed to.

Not because I wanted to. No—because I need to.

To help prevent anyone down the line from watching this atrocity of a series.

🚩 First Red Flag: The Director

I think the first issue was hiring the person they picked to direct this series.

Guess who they picked?
No seriously, take a guess.

I’ll wait.

Okay, I’ll tell you. Her name is Leslye Headland.

Why does that name sound familiar? Well, glad y’all asked—because she used to work for Harvey Weinstein.

Eh? Yeah, that’s right, you heard that folks. Because with that track record, that must mean she’s qualified to be a director, right? Right?

Oh boy, we’re in for a mess, aren’t we?

📖 So Uh… What’s the Plot Again?

So this show is set during the High Republic era, 100 years before The Phantom Menace.

And in this show, we follow a league of Jedi led by their leader Jedi played by Lee Jung-Jae, along with a young apprentice played by Dafnee Keen (of all people).

They’re investigating murders happening, which leads them to this mysterious dark side user who wears a mask—who definitely doesn’t look like the Temu version of Kylo Ren at all.

While that happens, we have this woman named Osha (played by Amandla Stenberg).

Don’t worry—this Osha won’t get you in legal trouble.

She’s out there looking for her twin sister. Who’s gone on a murderous spree. Maybe she’s the masked figure? Nahhhhhh.

Spoilers: turns out the masked figure is this guy named Qimir, this quirky dude that Osha meets while trying to steal a ship.

What a twist.
Oh wait—I don’t care.

🗑 Carrie-Anne Moss Deserved Better

There’s a reason I’m spoiling this now—so we can get into the stupid stuff and complain about it.

Oh btw, that whole gimmick of this show getting Carrie-Anne Moss from The Matrix?

Yeah don’t get your hopes up. She dies within the first 3ish minutes of the first episode.

Wow. What a waste of talent.

☠️ Dafnee Keen? She’s Gone Too

Also, Dafnee Keen gets killed off by the 3rd episode.

In all fairness, I think this series was being filmed alongside Deadpool and Wolverine, which she was set to be in as well.

🏃‍♀️ Why Is Osha Leaving With the Villain?!

Oh, after a battle between Jedi and Qimir in the forest, Osha decides to leave with him.

Why?
Don’t ask me why.

So will Lee Jung-Jae get her back?

Who the hell cares?

Try convincing me that belongs in Star Wars.
Also—enough said. That right there is an indication of how bad this show is.

Oh, what’s that? Not convinced yet?

Well let me introduce you to my little friend here called: The Power of Many.

Yeah. That’s an actual scene that happens in this series.
A group of space witches? Chanting about the power of many!!!!

Jesus F**king Christ—can this nightmare end yet?

The power of one!
The power of two!
The power of many!

WHAT is this cringe-fest?!
Why is there a terrible pop song in Star Wars?!

Anyways, back to the power of many.

Someone wrote that down. And some other people signed off on it. And someone got paid to write this script.

Let that sink in.

🚨 Jedi = Creeps Now?

Thanks to that writing, we got:
The power of one, the power of two, and the power of many!

And what does that even mean? I don’t know.
Because I don’t think the scriptwriters even know what that means either.

Because not too long after that scene, the Jedi come and want to take a child away.

Oh right—did I forget to mention the Jedi in this show are portrayed as creeps?

In their words, they are on a mission to look for and take virgin kids.

Uhhhhhhh. Yeah that’s… a way of saying that.
Not the best way, but still.

🤢 Thirst Trap Sith and Stupid Twists

So who wants to hear spoilers before the rating?

Trust me—it’s not like anyone cares.

Okay, spoilers it is.

So our female lead Osha heads out with the mysterious dark side user.

Why?
Don’t ask me why.

But we do get a scene of him walking out of a river all shirtless with abs while Osha is looking at him.

Uhhhhhhh.

What sort of fan fiction is this?

And here I thought Reylo was already bad.

So you’re telling me the reason Osha followed this guy is because he’s hot? Uh-huh.

Also—what’s with Disney and making their villains hot?

We’re not supposed to be finding the villains attractive!

⚔️ The Ending… If You Can Call It That

Anyway—so how does this show end?

Well, that Jedi guy Jung-Jae finds Osha.

The dark side user fights Jung-Jae in a somewhat cool battle. Unfortunately, the dark side user gets injured.

And as he’s about to die, he tells Osha that Jung-Jae murdered her mom figure.

Does Osha allow Jung-Jae to explain why he did that?

HELL NO.
What show do you think this is?

Instead, she tells him to be quiet.

sighhhhh

And she kills him.

🙄 Glorified Cameos & Continuity Chaos

Great—can this show end?

Oh no wait—we’ve gotta have a glorified cameo of Yoda.

Yeah, so one of the Jedis who has a purple whip lightsaber (yes that’s a sentence I just said) goes to visit Yoda to tell him about everything.

Oh good grief.

Oh—did I forget to mention that Ki-Adi-Mundi has a cameo in this show too?

Yeah. Here, he’s fully aware of this dark side user.

Wait, what was that line in The Phantom Menace?

“Impossible. The Sith haven’t been seen in a millennia.”

Right.
So how does this show add up with that?

This reminds me of how in the Obi-Wan show, an inquisitor tries to kill young Luke… and chases him…
So he fully sees what a lightsaber is.

Yet in A New Hope, when Obi-Wan hands him a lightsaber, Luke says:

“What is this?”

Again—do these showrunners not know how to keep continuity?

🤯 Darth Plagueis? Really??

Oh—but back to The Acolyte.
The show ends with, get this—a cameo from Darth Plagueis.

…Okay fine, I’ll finish off.

What!?

What were you even thinking here, Disney?

How is Plagueis even here?

If they cared about continuity, then Plagueis would be a child in this timeline.
But here he’s a grown-ass adult. And he’s just prepping behind a cave while Osha flies away from her sister.

Yeah—after reuniting, they split up again.

I don’t care.

🧠 The Chosen Ones… But Make It Worse

Also, I want y’all to let this sink in, folks.

So according to the showrunner, both Osha and her sister are the original chosen ones.

They’re more powerful than Anakin Skywalker himself.

Yes—that’s right. Stronger than the chosen one himself.

Uh huh.

But it gets worse—because then there are implications you have to consider.

So if she and her sister are somehow stronger than Anakin…

Then why did the Jedi Order never sense them before?

Nor consider them for the role of the chosen one?

But also—does this mean Plagueis has just been snooping around and witnessing these two strong beings and was like:

“Hmmmmmmm I got a plan. I’m gonna Force-create my own extremely powerful chosen one who will fall to the dark side and help the Sith.”

Fk off, Disney.
Get off your high horse.

🤬 Final Verdict

This is stupid.

Oh yes—the wise and greatest Plagueis created Anakin using the Force because he was snooping and saw two stronger characters than himself.

Yeah—piss off, Disney.

This is absolutely abysmal.

0/10
You get a zero out of ten. That’s how low this show goes.

Don’t watch it.

👋 I’m Out

Anyway—hope y’all enjoyed this review.
(I sure as hell didn’t enjoy the show)

Till next time.

And this indeed is a Revenge of the 5th.