💥 I Lost the Bleeps, the Sweeps, AND the Creeps!

🎬 Let’s Start by Showing Y’all the Trailers, Shall We?

Oh yes time to take a look at this timeless classic of a comedy, oh I forgot something. Oh right here’s the DVD menu.

Okay, y’all. Buckle up.
We are talking about Spaceballs — a movie so dumb, so smart, so dumbsmart, that I genuinely have no idea how I made it through the runtime without passing out from wheezing.

This is Mel Brooks at his absolute goofballiest, and honestly? I’m here for every single second of it.

Fun Trivia!
Mel Brooks actually got George Lucas’s blessing to parody Star Wars… as long as he promised not to sell any merchandise.
That’s why there’s no Spaceballs Flamethrower. Or cereal. Or toilet paper. Or lunchboxes. And that’s the real tragedy here.

Also warning ⚠️, this film does have raunchy humor, if that doesn’t appeal to u well time to look in the opposite direction then.

📋 Once Upon a Time Warp…

So what’s the plot of this film?

The movie starts with a Star Wars-style crawl that opens with:

“Once upon a time warp…”

and ends with:

“If you’re reading this, you don’t need glasses.”

Also — this movie LOVES breaking the fourth wall. Constantly. Mercilessly. And it’s beautiful.

So here’s the “plot” (and I use that term with maximum air quotes):
The evil planet Spaceball is fresh out of air, and the Spaceball goons — led by Dark Helmet (Rick Moranis), President Skroob (Mel Brooks), and Colonel Sanders (yes, really) — decide to steal air from the peaceful planet Druidia.

To do that, they plan to kidnap Princess Vespa, who’s about to marry Prince Valium
(Ok, I’m not even gonna insult your intelligence by explaining his personality.)

But Vespa ain’t having it. She grabs her talking golden robot Dot Matrix (hmmm I wonder who she’s referencing 👀) and nopes out of her own wedding in a flying Mercedes. As you do.

Meanwhile, the King hires help…

🚐 Enter Lone Starr and Barf

Lone Starr and his half-man, half-dog sidekick Barf are flying through space in their Winnebago.

And they get a call from King Roland asking them to save Vespa for 1 million space bucks.
Why does Lone Starr need the money? Because he’s being hunted down by Pizza the Hutt.

Yeah.
Pizza. The. Hutt.
He’s made of pizza.
He’s melting.
He talks.

This movie is melting my brain in the best way and I am not okay.

Also shoutout to this brilliant line:

“I lost the bleeps, I lost the sweeps, and I lost the creeps.”

No idea what that means. Don’t care.
I’m just here, clapping like a seal.

Will he save Princess Vespa? Will they prevent Spaceballs from draining all the air from her planet? All will be released in the spoilers, but first here are some of my favorite scenes of this film.

🤯 Favorite Lines I Can’t Get Over

Just some of the many moments where I paused the movie to scream:

“I’m surrounded by assholes!”
→ They all turn around and they’re literally named Asshole.
I. Was. Done.
Watch it again, it’s still funny

“Did you see anything!?”
“No sir, I didn’t see you playing with your dolls again!”
Comedic gold.

“Yogurt! I hate Yogurt! Even with strawberries!”
(Who hates yogurt with strawberries? What is happening?!)

(Yes, every line here deserves a standing ovation. I don’t make the rules.)

I will admit it I love the 4th of this film, it’s absurd.

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⚠️ Spoiler Alert — Y’all Been Warned ⚠️

Okay, deep breath. Time to talk about the 3rd act.

Lone Starr, Vespa, Barf, and Dot crash-land on a sand planet.
They meet the magical Yogurt, who gives Lone Starr a Schwartz Ring and a fortune cookie that holds a great secret.

Meanwhile, Dark Helmet shows up, steals Vespa, and demands the password to Druidia’s air shield.

The password?

“1, 2, 3, 4, 5”

Even President Skroob is like:

“That’s the stupidest combination I’ve ever heard in my life! That’s what an idiot would put on his luggage!”

Two seconds later:

“That’s amazing! I’ve got the same combination on my luggage!”

💀💀💀
There are no survivors. I’m laughing myself into the next dimension.

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🧹 Self-Destruct Maid Vacuum Chaos

The Spaceballs transform their ship into a GIANT MAID WITH A VACUUM CLEANER and start sucking the atmosphere off Druidia.

So Lone Starr sneaks inside the maid’s EAR and battles Dark Helmet with Schwartz sabers.

And then?

Lone Starr knocks Dark Helmet into the self-destruct button.

So the ship explodes — because of course it does —
and everyone’s scrambling like rats in a laser toaster.

Honestly?
I don’t even care how we got here.
I’m too busy giggling.

🧠 More Brain Melt

Here are a few of my favorite lines from this clip:

“Sanders! Sanders! U got to help me! Idk what to do! I can’t make decisions! I’m a freaking President!”
(Feels, oddly, current.)

“Hey hey woah! That’s my escape pod. Who are you?”
“I’m the bearded lady, what are you one of the freaks?!”

“One pod left and the 3 of us, and I’m the President. Well boys, it’s a really lovely ship and I think u should go down with it.”

“Counting down, 9, 8, 6, 6!? What happened to 7!? Just kidding, counting down 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, have a nice day. Thank you!”

(Seriously… how is every line its own tiny meme?)

👏👏

Also there’s a Planet of the Apes spoof where the Spaceballs land on Earth and apes on horseback are like:

“Oh s***, there goes the planet.”

Yes.
Yes, please.

🐒 One Last Layer of Madness

Lone Starr and Barf end up at a diner.
And John Hurt — the actual guy from Alien — shows up and has ANOTHER alien burst out of his chest.

Except this time? We have that iconic dancing alient scene.

Say what now?
Yup, The alien tips his hat and dances out of the diner to sing:
“Hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my rag town gal,heartme a kiss my love, baby my heart on fire!”

Heheheheheheheheheheh I don’t know why I watched this as a kid, this entire reference went over my head.

What. Is. This. Movie.

I LOVE IT.

🧙‍♂️ Yogurt’s Final Surprise

Remember the fortune cookie?

Lone Starr opens it, and Yogurt pops up in a hologram:

“You’re a prince!”

Meaning Lone Starr can go marry Vespa after all.

(And presumably get himself a proper ship that isn’t a space Winnebago.)

🎯 Final Verdict

As reviews go, this is a 10/10

No question.
This movie shaped me.
It activated a part of my brain that doesn’t know when to stop giggling.

💧 On the Jarrod Scale, I’m giving this one a Solid Moisty.

I watched this movie as a kid even though I probably shouldn’t have — raunchy jokes, cussing, fourth-wall breakage galore.
I think me growing up with movies like this might explain why I like certain movies these days.

Also this review goes out to my uncle who passed away.