Gotti (2018) “Nepotism: The Motion Picture” 🎥 Let’s start by showing y’all the trailers, shall we? — Non-Spoiler Plot Rundown 📝 Gotti desperately wants to be Goodfellas. Instead, it plays like if Goodfellas was directed by your uncle who once read a Wikipedia page about the mob. The film follows John Gotti, the “Teflon Don,”…
Category: So Bad It’s Bad
Snake Eyes (2021)
Snake Eyes (2021) 🐍🎥 “The origin nobody asked for… told in the most boring way possible.” Let’s start by showing y’all the trailers, shall we? — The Story (Or Whatever This Was Supposed to Be) Snake Eyes is supposed to be one of the coolest, most mysterious characters in the entire G.I. Joe franchise. He’s…
Transformers The Last Knight (2017)
Transformers: The Last Knight (2017) Michael Bay’s “Game of Thrones” but with Robots and Explosions 🎬 Let’s start by showing y’all the trailers, shall we? — The Setup By The Last Knight, the franchise had officially stopped pretending to care about continuity. We open with a scene straight out of a medieval fever dream —…
Transformers Age of Extinction (2014)
Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014) “When Michael Bay decided… you know what this franchise needs? Mark Wahlberg and statutory loopholes.” Let’s start by showing y’all the trailers, shall we? 🎥💥 — 🚗💥 Before We Dive In So… the fourth Transformers movie. And right away, I’ve got to tell you—if you thought things were getting messy…
Transformers Revenge Of The Fallen (2009)
🎬Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)💥 “When Robots, Jockstraps, and Testicle Jokes Collide”Or: How to spend $200 million and still make it feel like a fever dream. — Let’s start by showing y’all the trailers, shall we? 🎥💣 This is the point in the franchise where everything hit the fan—and by “everything” I mean plot,…
Sinister 2 (2015)
Sinister 2 (2015) “The Baguul Cut: The Curse of the Artsy Child Snuff Film Returns (and Flops Hard)” — 🎬 Let’s Start by Showing Y’all the Trailers, Shall We? BTW yeah this is the only good part of this film, the trailer. — 🧃 Non-Spoiler Plot Overview In Sinister 2, we follow a new family—mom…
Slenderman (2018)
😐🪵 “Tall, Pale, and Pointless” — Slender Meh (2018) Review — 🎬 Let’s start by showing y’all the trailers, shall we? — 🧵 Non-Spoiler Plot Overview: A group of high school girls in a small town randomly summon a tall, faceless horror icon named Slender Man by watching a creepy video online. They begin to…
The Bye Bye Man (2017)
☠️ Don’t Think It. Don’t Say It. Don’t Watch It. ☠️ (A review of The Bye Bye Man, aka Slender-Man-Lite™) Let’s start by showing y’all the trailers, shall we? — Non-Spoiler Plot Overview A trio of college students move into a suspiciously cheap off-campus house (RED FLAG #1), where they uncover an evil name written…
Truth Or Dare (2017)
🎲 “Truth or Dare? More like a Demon decided to become a frat bro” Let’s start by showing y’all the trailers, shall we? — Non-Spoiler Plot Overview A group of college students on spring break in Mexico stumble upon a game of “Truth or Dare” that just so happens to be cursed by a literal…
The Grudge (2020)
🪦 The Grudge (2020): You Get a Curse! You Get a Curse! Everyone Gets a Curse! 🪦 🎬 Let’s start by showing y’all the trailers, shall we? — 📌 Disclaimer Before We BeginThis review is for the 2020 American remake/sequel/whatever-the-hell-this-is. Not the original Japanese Ju-On film, because truth be told… I’ve never seen the Japanese…
Judicious Jarrod's Every-Flavor Entertainment and Media Reviews 