Honey Don’t! (2025)

“Detective work? 🕵️‍♀️ Nah, just horniness in a trench coat.”

Let’s start by showing y’all the trailers shall we?

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Non-Spoiler Rundown

Honey Don’t! wants to be a slick neo-noir mystery, but instead it’s Margaret Qualley as Honey O’Donahue stumbling through subplots with nothing but bad instincts and horny impulses. Instead of solving cases, she’s just… making out with suspects. 🤦‍♂️

And honestly? That’s the most bare-bones, non-existent plot I’ve ever seen slapped onto a “mystery.” It’s like someone wrote the logline — “PI investigates mysterious deaths tied to a church” — and then forgot to actually add a movie on top of it.


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Character Rundown

Honey O’Donahue (Margaret Qualley): Supposed to be sharp PI, but her only detective tool is her libido. 🔍➡️💋

MG Falcone (Aubrey Plaza): Starts off as Honey’s girlfriend, then flips to full villain with zero buildup.

Reverend Drew Devlin (Chris Evans): Sleazy megachurch leader/drug runner who talks like Captain America with bedhead. 🍝

Cher (Lera Abova): Russian/French femme fatale who seduces Evans then literally erases him from the movie.

Marty Metakawitch (Charlie Day): Cop hopelessly in love with Honey. His only lines are basically “but I’m a nice guy!” 🙄



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Pros

The cinematography is gorgeous 🌆. If this movie was just B-roll of neon L.A. at night, it’d be a masterpiece.



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Cons

Honey is the worst PI ever put on film. No instincts, no detective work, just “who’s hot in this room?” 🔥

Chris Evans feels painfully miscast. His sleazy reverend never clicks, and the movie angles his sex scenes like Marvel still won’t let us see his ass. 🚫🍑

Subplots vanish: the priest’s boyfriend 🚗💀, the niece’s abusive relationship, the creepy dad — none of it matters.

MG’s villain twist is nonsense. She goes from bed buddy to hammer psycho in five seconds flat. 🪓

Nudity imbalance: women shown fully, but Evans is camera-blocked like it’s a Disney+ show.



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What Other Reviewers Said

If y’all want proof of how thin this movie is, just look at Double Toasted’s take. Julian actually said his favorite part was the opening credits — the actors’ names on road signs. 🤔 Korey immediately shot him down: “That’s kinda not a compliment.” 💀 And he’s right: when the highlight of your film is the font choice before it even starts, you’re cooked.


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Final Thoughts

Honey Don’t! isn’t a neo-noir — it’s a Frankenstein patchwork of bad subplots, awkward sex scenes, and a protagonist who fails at her own job. The mystery isn’t a mystery, the twists are nonsense, and the film flatlines long before the credits roll.

Rating: 1/10. (That “1” is strictly for the visuals. 🎥 Everything else belongs in the trash 🔥🗑️)


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Spoilers Ahead 🚨

Chris Evans’ Big “Villain” Exit

You’d expect Chris Evans’ Reverend Drew to be the main antagonist, right? Wrong. He gets killed before the third act even starts. Cher seduces him, sleeps with him, and stabs him on orders from “the French.” And just like that, Captain America’s dark turn ends with a whimper.

Why is this such a letdown? Because Evans was the only character with real setup — the charismatic megachurch leader hiding a drug ring. The one chance the movie had at a proper villain arc is yanked out early, leaving a giant hole the rest of the film never fills. Instead of building tension, it just makes you wonder, “Wait… so who’s the villain now?” (Spoiler: it’s MG, but that reveal is even worse.)

The Subplot Graveyard

Honey’s niece gets stalked by an old man, only for it to turn out he’s Honey’s abusive dad. Subplot goes nowhere. 🙃

The priest who suspects his boyfriend is cheating? His boyfriend is the guy Travis kills, then the whole thread evaporates. 🚗💥

Charlie Day’s Marty spends the runtime whining about being “friendzoned.” Honey tells him she likes women. He keeps trying anyway. Tiring doesn’t even cover it.


The MG Twist

Aubrey Plaza’s MG locks Honey’s niece in her house and becomes a hammer-swinging psycho. No buildup, no foreshadowing. Just: girlfriend one scene, villain the next. 🪓

The Ending

Nothing connects. The church? Dropped. The drugs? Dropped. The French? Dropped. Cher? Disappears. Honey “survives” but solves nothing. The finale plays like someone hit shuffle on the script pages and rolled camera.


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The PI Who Wasn’t 🕵️‍♀️❌

And now, the movie’s biggest crime: Honey O’Donahue isn’t even a PI.

She doesn’t follow leads. She doesn’t solve clues. She doesn’t uncover motives. Her entire process is:

Get horny at a bar.

Hook up with whoever’s nearby.

Pretend it was detective work.


The only reason she figures out MG is a villain is because she stumbles across her yearbook in her house. That’s not intuition — that’s dumb luck. Honey isn’t a detective; she’s just a disaster in a trench coat.


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The Nudity Imbalance Problem 👀

Here’s where the movie’s choices really feel off. It has no problem showing plenty of female nudity — full skin, lingering shots, all of it. But when it comes to Chris Evans? Every sex scene is carefully angled to hide him, like the director said “boobs are fine, but don’t you dare show Captain America’s ass.”

That’s not equality, that’s hypocrisy. If you’re going to push the envelope, push it for everyone. Otherwise, it just feels exploitative — and that leaves a bad taste no matter how good the lighting looks.