Spirit Animal

Film Title: Spirit Animal (no trailer available—you just have to experience this fever dream for yourself)

Dedication: This film goes out to my friend Maddie, who tragically passed away two days ago. You will be missed, friend. I hope you’re somewhere fun watching shark films.

WARNING: This film is beyond bizarre, violently absurd, and extremely crude. If you’re squeamish, sensitive, or even mildly normal, turn back now. This isn’t a movie—this is a full-throttle Troma-style hallucination wearing a dog mask and wielding a banana.

Plot Rundown (Non-Spoiler):

The movie opens with a fake commercial for Dingo’s Pizza (run by a guy in a dingo mask), then transitions to an even faker VHS tape for Bathtub Shark Attack (a previous film by Maddie), then jumps into the “actual” story: a group of friends heads out into the woods to party for New Year’s Eve.

At first, it feels like your average cabin-in-the-woods slasher setup, but then the animal spirit cult plot kicks in. Yes. Animal. Spirit. Cult. Every member wears a different animal mask, and they all worship the concept of humans being reincarnated as their spirit animals through murder.

Characters die in horrifying, hilarious, or completely baffling ways. Animal puns are hurled as frequently as spears. One guy is stabbed in the face with a banana. Another is murdered with a plastic straw. A literal demon tree talks. It only gets worse—and somehow better.

Character Rundown:

Lessa – Our Final Girl, and surprisingly likable. She’s the only one with actual survival instincts and, later, a gun.
Maddie’s Character – A lost partygoer trying to find the camp. Tragically murdered by a dog-masked killer. She shines in her brief role and is one of the most memorable victims.
Adam – Lessa’s abusive ex-boyfriend, an unhinged man-child who delivers the line: “Lessa, you’re tearing me apart!” He gets impaled by a whale spirit animal named Freaky Willy. Good riddance.
Jimmy (Weed Guy) – Curses at a tree, carves it, yells “bitch,” then gets murdered by an environmentalist shark in a spirit mask.
The Cult Leader / Aarav – Revealed to be the same kid from the film’s intro. Now an adult, he leads the animal cult with a deranged belief that murder is salvation. He’s evil, unhinged, and never stops monologuing.
Spirit Animals – A cow, dog, monkey, shark, whale, tree, and bear all show up at various points. Each is weirder than the last.

Absurdity and One-Liner Showcase:

This movie is a buffet of batsh*t one-liners:

“I got a bone to pick with you!”
“Roll over. Beg. Play dead.”
“There she blows!”
“Ba da ba ba ba… I’m loving it.”
“Roses are red, violets are blue, you’re allergic to bananas, and now you’re goo.”

The animal killers bark, moo, snort, whoop, and even quote McDonald’s slogans. You haven’t lived until you’ve heard a man in a monkey mask quote poetry and weaponize a banana.

Pros:

100% original madness
Gory as hell
Constantly unpredictable
Memorable absurd dialogue
Maddie’s role is a highlight
There is literally no filler

Cons:

None. If you’re watching this, you know exactly what you signed up for.

Final Rating: 10/10 – This was peak WTF.

🔥 Spoilers Ahead – Proceed With Caution or a Spirit Mask 🔥

So where do we even begin? The film Spirit Animal doesn’t tiptoe into chaos—it charges in, animal masks and all.

We open with a campfire scene 30 years ago, where a counselor with a pig hat tells a kid that everyone has a spirit animal. The kid says he doesn’t. Foreshadowing. Cue death by bull horn to the mouth and a pun: “I think you got the point.” Boom. Scene.

Flash forward to modern day. We meet our cast of walking victims, including Maddie’s character and her friend trying to find a New Year’s Eve party using… a plastic compass. Maddie wanders off and discovers Camp Wannawilla. Her friend? Gets attacked by a man in a plaid shirt and a dog mask. He barks (“Woof woof, barf barf”), says “I got a bone to pick with you,” and then… proceeds to beat her with a literal bone. Then, after forcing Maddie’s character to “roll over,” “beg,” and “play dead,” he gruesomely impales her with a stick while saying “Bad dog.”

Absurd? Yes. Funny? No. Disturbing? Absolutely. And somehow, it only escalates.

Cue cow man quoting McDonald’s (“Ba da ba ba ba… I’m loving it”) while dismembering a meat-loving redneck. A monkey man kills a guy with a banana that melts his face. He literally says: “Roses are red, violets are blue, you’re allergic to bananas, and now you’re goo.”

Another guy gets murdered by a shark mask killer using a straw—yes, a plastic straw—shoved directly into his brain. A tree literally grows eyes and talks. And just when you think this is the height of chaos, a whale spirit animal impales someone while shouting “There she blows!”

Eventually, our Final Girl Lessa gets captured by the masked cult, only to discover the true villain is Aarav—the same kid from the intro who “didn’t have a spirit animal.” Turns out he worships animals, thinks humans are trash, and believes that murdering them helps “bring out their true form.” He calls this saving them.

Lessa escapes, kills Aarav with an axe after telling him: “Happy New Year, motherfer.”* …as his brain literally crawls away and has to be stabbed separately.

You thought it was over? Nope.

Demon tree returns to strangle her. She survives, barely. A therapist encourages her to heal. She adopts a dog. Cute, right? Wrong.

Final scene: Lessa visits the grave of Aarav, spits on it, and says “F*** you and your environment.” A bear claw erupts from the dirt, bites her dog’s head off, and sprays blood all over her face. Roll credits.

Anyways I hope y’all enjoyed that review, Again this goes out to my friend. Hope ur somewhere peaceful watching shark films.