Let’s start by showing yall the trailers shall we?

Yeah, it’s time to do an updated version of this review. So… what’s the plot about?

🏘️ Everyone’s Weird and Distant, Including Ellie

So, 15 years have passed since the last game and Ellie? Yeah, she’s grown distant from Joel—and he’s not taking it well.

Both he and Ellie now live in this walled-off town that his brother Tommy is a part of. All seems to be going well (except for Ellie being distant from Joel) (for example one night she goes to a bar where everyone is dancing and she dances with her girlfriend. Some idiot comes up and insults them, Joel comes and tries to help, instead of Ellie thanking Joel she instead yells at him and says, “the hell is wrong with you?”)

Anyways all is looking well…

😬 Meet Abby: Swole and Scary with a Grudge

Now while everything looks peaceful, here comes Abby, and she is NOT here for good vibes.

She’s this bulked-up human who’s out for revenge against someone. Her and her friends from the Fireflies (dunn dunn dunn) are after someone.

Who’s this someone? Well turns out to be Joel.

Wait, why’s she after him?

For you see, remember the ending of the last game where he killed that doctor?

Well turns out that doctor was Abby’s father.

So she hates Joel.

🧠 The Nuance Hits… Then a Golf Club Hits Harder

You wanna talk nuance? Fine. I’ll give it to you—but then they kill Joel like it’s The Walking Dead.

We the audience understand what Joel did and why he did it, but also see from Abby’s perspective why she’d be mad.

Anyways they so happen to stumble upon Joel and his brother who save them from zombies.

Unfortunately for them Abby knocks Joel on the ground in the building, takes a golf club and swings it and bashes his head in like Negan did with Glenn.

Unfortunately Ellie locates them and has to bear witness to this. She gets shoved on the floor and is forced to watch. Jesus.

So yeah this scene right here is what made people like me hate this game.

Also Joel seemed completely out of character here. The first game Joel would never openly trust a stranger and help them out.

🔪 Revenge Mode: Activated

After watching Joel get murdered, Ellie snaps. It’s game on.

She tells her friend Jess, along with her pregnant girlfriend Dina.

Will Ellie get her revenge? Or will Abby walk away scot-free?

All will be revealed in the spoilers.

💢 So… Let’s Talk About the Worst Design Decision Ever

Let me tell y’all what made people LOSE it with this game.

For you see after we were forced to witness Joel getting killed by Abby…

The game thought it’d be a great idea to have us play as her throughout the entire second act.

Say what now??

Yeah that right there is what was the straw that broke the camel’s back. The game has you play as Joel’s killer.

But don’t worry, it gets worse.

🐶 Fetch This, Abby

And now the game wants you to LOVE Abby. She plays with dogs! She’s soooo sweet! Ugh.

While you play as Abby, the game smashes it into your head that she’s a caring person who has friends and a community who cares about her.

Also she’s a dog person. See the dogs love her.
“Hey doggo, here’s the ball, go fetch! Ah ha ha ha, isn’t this so cute? Isn’t it wholesome dogs love her? Gee wiz I hope nothing bad happens to those dogs.” (wink wink)

Spoilers: the dogs die.

Yeah I bet y’all are saying awwwwwww. And how?

Well firstly yes I feel your pain as well, in fact I’m devastated.

Secondly—it’s Ellie.

Say what now??

😱 No Seriously, Do They Want Us to Hate Ellie?!

Because surprise surprise—Ellie ends up murdering those cute dogs.

When she’s on her Terminator/Predator quest she’s ducking behind bushes, coming up to attack Abby’s men and kill her dogs.

Yeah the game doesn’t give you a choice to avoid the dogs or distract them—no no it’s do or die.

Ellie has got to shank the dogs.

Yeah if you leave this game hating Ellie, then I’m with you.

🧠 This Whole Game Feels Like It’s Gaslighting Me

The manipulation level here? Off. The. Charts.

Ok so is it just me or does this game seem like it’s trying to be manipulative?

Yeah if it isn’t clear why fans hated this game then I don’t know what is, but one thing is for certain:

You will hate Ellie by the end of this game,
you will feel devastated by Joel’s death,
you will be devastated by the ending,
and you will hate yourself for having to kill dogs.

🧷 Ellie Had My Sympathy… But She Squandered It

I was trying to give her a chance, really—but that ending destroyed it.

BTW I could give Ellie a pass, I understand what she’s going through but the ending? Oh boy, that ending…

Yeah by the ending I lost all respect for Ellie and any form of me liking her went straight out the window.

📉 Let’s Just Rate This and Rip the Band-Aid

No use dragging this out: 2/10. Boom.

Yeah I don’t like this game, nor will I ever change my mind.

Anyways…

⚠️ OK, Here Come the Spoilers. Ya’ll Been Warned. ⚠️

Don’t say I didn’t warn y’all…

☠️ Ellie and Abby Take Turns Ruining Everything

Everyone starts dying. Everyone. And it only gets worse.

So come the 3rd act, Ellie has killed almost all of Abby’s friends because she’s a monster. So Abby returns the favor and kills Jess.

She then tries to kill Dina who’s pregnant—right in front of Ellie.

But Abby’s friend talks her out of it. Good.

But Abby lets Ellie live and says, “don’t follow us.”

🧠 Ellie Makes the Dumbest Choice of All Time

She could’ve had happiness. A farm. A baby. But noooo…

So I bet that Ellie will stop following Abby? And live her life on a farm that she and Dina move to once she gives birth and live out a happy life together?

Pdffdt—no. Are you crazy?

What game do you think this is?

No she decides she can’t not do anything so she’s gonna go face against Abby.

But Dina gives her an alternative. She can either go and fight Abby, or she can stay with her and their child and live a happy life. If she goes to fight Abby—and if Ellie comes back—Dina and her child will be gone forever.

So of course Ellie chooses to stay with her wife and child, right?

Ha ha ha ha what do you think this is, uhh Mario Party?

No of course not. She picks the stupid choice and leaves to go fight Abby.

SMH.

🏖️ Abby vs Ellie: The Beach Edition

Kidnapped, beaten, fighting on a beach while missing fingers. What even is this anymore?

She locates Abby who’s been captured by whackos and has been tied to a pole on a beach. Also her hair’s been cut short along with being skinny.

Her friend is captured as well.

So Ellie gets captured and finds her way to Abby. They both fight while Abby’s trying to make it to a boat.

Oh that’s not all—Abby bites off two or three of Ellie’s fingers so now she can’t play Joel’s guitar.

(sobs internally)

🎸 The Guitar. The Loss. The Silence.

And when it’s over? Ellie has nothing. No family. No fingers. No Joel’s guitar. Just pain.

But what does Ellie decide to do?

Easy—let Abby and her friend go.

WHAT!?

After all this you’re telling me Ellie is just gonna let Abby go?

F this.

Well at least I got my loving wife and child at the farm at least.

Oh no wait—they are gone.
With all their belongings.

Oh and Ellie can no longer play the guitar that was once Joel’s.

Well I would feel bad for you Ellie but you were warned.

🔚 This Is What You Get for Being Stupid

It’s over. And I’m mad. Really mad

So this is what you get for being stupid:
Missing fingers and your wife and child abandoning you.
Hope that revenge quest was worth it?

Oh wait—it wasn’t?

Well I don’t care.

Anyways the end.
Damn that’s bleak.
Dang I’m frustrated.

And now if you’ll excuse me I’m gonna go dunk my head underwater and scream.