Capone: Let’s start off with showing y’all the trailers shall we?

Oh boooooooyyyyy where do we even start with this film…..well firstly I wanna address that yes I know I’m late to this film but I am now glad to have eventually gotten around to this film….

Trust me y’all are either in for a treat or a trick with this film, before we get the rating out of the way I wanna give context to this film which will require a non-spoiler rundown of this plot…

So firstly this film is brought to us from the mind of Josh Trank (u know that guy who gave us Fant4stic!) Anyway, this film’s plot focuses on the years of Al Capone (played by Tom Hardy) when he’s dying of Syphilis, and he’s hidden his money somewhere but oops he’s forgotten where he put it….both the FBI and his family want to get their hands on the money…

Maybe they can jog his memory up a bit to find out where he hid the money, if none of that sounded remotely interesting to u then this film is not gonna do a whole lot for u…and I don’t blame u.

Heck here’s the million-dollar question who in their right mind wanted to see a movie about Capone dying from syphilis? Btw in case some y’all don’t know the story behind that…Al Capone got syphilis I think when he was in his 20s. He also ended up in the famous prison Alcatraz prison…..yep he’s one of the infamous prisoners on Alcatraz.

He refused to get treated because it would make him look weak or something like that, by the time he did go ask for help…when he was in his late 60s in prison…he asked the doctors for help and they were basically like shite ain’t nothing we can do….ur a goner, this is out of our hands…also even if they could cure him they wouldn’t want to…

Because it’s Capone the world’s infamous gangster, so he was sent home for his remaining months on earth to die in his home with his family so he can say his goodbyes…and this is what this film revolves around his dying weeks or months….more like weeks if u ask me.

Oh boy doesn’t that sound interesting folks? Oh joy, also I think Josh Trank has some fetish with body horror (emphasis on body horror) he did some body horror in Fant4stic which was weird because that’s supposed to be a fun family superhero film…

He does the same thing here, in this film warning ⚠️, this film contains Capone shitting, pissing, Shatting, and himself…..yeah if any of that grosses u out then ur definitely in the wrong movie, but this also brings me back to my previous statement who asked for a movie about Capone dying from syphilis?

Who wanted to go to the theatres to see Capone Shat himself? I sure as hell didn’t want that…

I kid u not throughout this film it just keeps getting gross and gross, the more this film goes on he just ends up looking like a wax figure who’s deteriorating….this film is not appealing, I couldn’t see anyone buy popcorn to eat during this film…

I’m actually glad I didn’t see this film in theatres….also I now bet y’all are wondering how good of a performance does Tom Hardy brings to the role of Al Capone. Does Josh Trank capture the essence of Capone correctly?

Well glad y’all asked, and sorry to disappoint y’all….if y’all were wanting to come into this film expecting a movie about Al Capone, this is not that….this film feels more like it’s a movie about a pet zombie that someone adapted, and named Capone…but this sure isn’t Al Capone…

Seriously, I can’t express enough how much he comes off as a zombie, especially in the way he talks…let me give u an example before we get into a rating….he talks like this (in a low rough voice that sounds like he has mucus stuck in his throat) “ehhhhhhh eeeeeekkkk eeeaakkkk me familiar” The hell is this? Look I know he’s dying of Syphilis but this is just insulting….it’s like Josh Trank had a personal beef with Capone and wants to go out of his way to make him look like a joke.

I wish I was kidding but there were moments in this film where I feel they could have focused more on certain elements, nah why do that? Instead, the film focuses on a man rotting away for 1 hour and 41 min….wow how compelling.

Also, ur gonna need subtitles to even watch this film. U will not understand anything he’s saying for about 99.9% of this film…for instance one scene he yells out at kids saying “Serpants I see u!!” But what comes out his mouth is serpents de demto…..or that’s what at least I heard.

But hold on we’ve not got to the most absurd moment that makes me definitely think ok yep Josh clearly has something against Capone…I wouldn’t blame him but still….I’ll explain that scene in spoilers…for now let’s get the rating out of the way…

Well, I feel I should mention this, Al Capone is an abysmal heinous human being that ever existed….he was the cause of multiple deaths, but even he didn’t deserve this. This was just a mockery of him in all the wrong ways….none in the right ways.

It’s really hard to sit through the grotesque moments in this film which there are tons of, but between those moments the rest of the film is dull and boring….it gets sluggish, so I’ll be giving this film a solid 2/10 I just don’t recommend this film to anyone…..save ur time for something else. Warning spoilers ahead y’all been warned ⚠️.

Well, there’s really not much to spoil here because I already mentioned the plot of this film, yeah what I said is exactly what u get with this film…..yeah this is how boring this film is….so instead of me doing the usual Shtick where I do spoilers, I’ll instead mention the 2 moments this film just goes off the rails, and what basically convinced me yep this definitely a comedy instead of a drama film.

Oh, and I’ll mention 2 gross scenes ur welcome for that btw…..

So for the first gross scene, well, unfortunately, we get a scene of Capone sitting down with some bank people including his son…..during this one-sided conversation, because remember everyone Capone is a zombie in this film….he goes through this film pointing his finger and going eeeeerrrrggggh errrrrrrgggghhhhhh, or he just doesn’t point and says eeeeerrrrggh errrrrrgghh.

So anyways in this one scene, we get Capone farting….oh how wonderful, oh and it’s not a normal fart, it sounds like he shat himself……jeepers if I was Tom Hardy I would have felt embarrassed being in this role.

Oh also in another scene where they’re talking again, basically his therapist who’s hired by the FBI comes and has a talk with him to get him to draw a Pic of the money bag he has…because the FBI wants it….

Capone has drawn a Platypus on a piece of paper instead….but this is how he says it when they ask him “It’s….a plat eh pussy” Yeah because he can’t speak normally anymore…he now just sounds like a zombie.

But what really felt like the scriptwriter and director were just insulting Capone, was a scene where I wish that I was kidding when I said this.

Capone is outside in his front yard in a bathrobe, with no pants on, while having a diaper on that’s full, has a carrot sticking out his mouth, and is holding a golden Tommy Gun.

At this point, if I were Tom Hardy and was reading this script and got to this part, I’d be like yeah thanks but no thanks I am out.

So how does this film end I bet y’all are wondering. Well Capone dies while sitting outside having a drink with his wife, and they never get to find out where the treasure was hidden.

Mainly because he forgot, his memory broke down, and oh yeah he’s dead now.

Anyway the end, and I think my appetite is completely gone. I hope y’all enjoyed this film because I sure as heck didn’t.

Anyway till next time.