Lightyear: Let’s start with the trailers shall we?

Ohhhhhhhhhh boy yeah we’re finally getting around to reviewing this film finally, I guess if anyone enjoyed this film, said no one whatsoever.

Yeah well, where to start? Yes, I know I should start with rating but there’s some stuff I want to get out of the way first.

Well firstly the casting let’s talk about the casting, well instead of having Tim Allen reprise his role as BuzzLightyear, we instead got Chris Evans taking on the role.

No offense to Chris Evans but he ain’t no Tim Allen, also we got Taika Waititi voicing a character in this film, look I have respect for Taika Waititi (well except for Thor Love and Thunder).

But him as an actor? No just no, plz stick to directing. The character he plays is just utterly annoying to no end.

Also, this film was promoted as being the film in the Toy Story franchise that Andy went to see as a kid, which got him invested in BuzzLightyear.

Glad I can safely say, after watching this film I just have one question. How on earth is this the film Andy saw that got him invested in BuzzLightyear?

No seriously? This film’s plot is mundane at best, and boring at worst. That wouldn’t capture a kid’s attention. Here’s the rundown of the plot.

“BuzzLightyear who’s a Space Ranger uses a new tech that can allow him to warp speed into any part of space, but the effect of him doing it is that on Earth everyone has gotten older (his friends as well), and time has moved on without him.

He does it so many times to the point he ends up in the future where he meets a new group of people who are just a bunch of useless nobody’s.

Who he needs to team up with to help him get back to his reality and escape this new robot threat led by the Evil Emperor Zurg.”

Tell me did any of that sound appealing to u? Did any of that sound exciting to u? I’ll give it this, the plot sounds like it could be cool on paper.

But still, does this sound exciting? I think not.

What’s funny is Disney back then already did an attempt at a BuzzLightyear spinoff.

In the form of a show called BuzzLightyear Starfleet Comand, which is a 10× better show than this film. Now I could buy that show is the thing that got Andy into BuzzLightyear over this film.

Kids back then especially boys were into lasers, fighting, and space exploration because it’s cool. This film lacks in any of that, it lacks in charm as well. So I doubt a small kid would keep their interest in this film.

Heck, I am 26 and I was bored by this film. Also, the way this film handles Zurg oh well get to how this film ruins him in the spoilers.

BTW this film really seems to be allergic to any cool imagery including space exploration, seriously I kid u not. At the beginning of the film they crash land on one planet and that’s where the rest of this film will take place on. A rocky/sandy with some grass kinda planet.

Wow how riveting, sounds like the desert. Can we plz go space exploring? Let’s go explore unknown planets that are made up!

Is this film allergic to fun? Is that it? Is the film just allergic to fun?

So overall I’ll give Lightyear 2022, yes I know I’m 3 years late to this review. A solid 1/10, the only reason it gets 1 point is because the film looks gorgeous.

Also Disney and Pixar plz stop! Unfortunately, they won’t, they already announced Toy Story 5. When’s the cycle gonna end?

Stay tuned I’ll do a retrospective review of the first 4 Toy Story films sooner than later, maybe this year or next year when Toy Story 5 releases.

Anyways warning spoilers ahead y’all been warned, ok final spoilers because we are now gonna get into the revelations and 3rd act ok?

So remember how I said BuzzLightyear accidentally keeps going to the future and misses out on his best friend named Alisha Hawthorne?

Well the final time he uses the new tech, he comes back to find out she died of old age, including her wife. She left BuzzLightyear a hologram message, awwwww that’s sad. So now BuzzLightyear feels guilt.

He is given a robot cat named SOX (voiced by Peter Sohn) he’s there to be BuzzLightyear recovery pet to help him recover from any stress or PTSD, but all of a sudden the new general tries to take SOX away from him because he’s shutting down that protocol.

Then BuzzLightyear steals a ship and uses the tech one last time, this time he lands in the future where robots are roaming this planet. And rolled by this robot named Emperor Zurg (voiced by James Brolin).

BuzzLightyear meets a group of people named

Izzy Hawthorne (yes you heard that name correctly)

Mo Morrison (played by Taika Waititi, the worst character ever)

Darby Steel

That doesn’t matter, what does is come third act as BuzzLightyear thinks they solved the issues with the machine so he can go back in time.

He comes face to face with Zurg one last final time, Zurg says u don’t recognize me do u? Uhhhh no why would he? And ladies and gentlemen here we get the worst plot twist in Pixar history.

The robot opens itself up revealing an older BuzzLightyear inside, yes that’s right ladies and gentlemen. This time around Emperor Zurg isn’t BuzzLightyear father, unlike the lord that was set up in Toy Story 2.

No, now he’s a future old man version of BuzzLightyear, SMFH! OK, u lost me Pixar.

Oh and since I’m on a rant of hating this film I just now want to tell u why the comedy in this film is terrible,

U got Taika Waititi’s character with one gag of him sucking at shooting things and having a pen on him and wanting a place to put it, ha ha?

You got an elderly woman who’s on parole with one gag of I’m sorry my parole won’t let me do this and do that, ha ha?

Did any of that make y’all laugh? So where in the BuzzLightyear show we get a gang of different races of aliens, to add to that immersion that this takes place in space.

But here in this film, his gang is just a Boring bunch of humans that aren’t remotely funny.

If this is the level of comedy then take me out of here, no really plz I can’t take this anymore. In laughing so hard, can’t u tell? It’s so funny. (Sighh)

Anyways back to Zurg, luckily there might be an Inkling of hope, Zurg I mean evil Oldman BuzzLightyear says he found this tech and this suit on this ship. It was abandoned by its original owner.

Who knows maybe the real Emperor Zurg is out there, oh thank u Pixar for this hope. Oh also yes this lightyear is evil, he’s lost his mind because he wants to go back in time to restore everything to save his friend.

Yawn, so this BuzzLightyear is what would have happened to BuzzLightyear if he didn’t stop pursuing going back in time, got it got it? Wait we’ve seen something similar to this been done before.

Pixar ur starting to become predictable. Anyways so if ur wondering how they defeat him by destroying the fuel source that powers Zurg’s ship, then Izzy and her team (including Sox) managed to hijack Zurg’s ship to rescue Buzz and set Zurg’s ship to self-destruct, which blows up Zurg.

Well, I say blow him up but the end credits scene shows his armor floating in space and the eyes reactivating.

How riveting, I don’t care. Anyway happy ending I guess, BuzzLightyear gets promoted by his commander. And he’s offered a team but he says he has a team.

Yeah calling the guy whose only shtick are We done nothing and I have a pen, is not the best decision.

Especially the elderly woman who can’t do shite because her parole officer said she can’t. Anyway the end, thank u finally.

This one goes out to a friend of mine named Lucy (she’s not dead, we’ve separated) Lucy and I saw this one together, back when things felt a little easier. We’ve gone separate ways since then, but that memory still means something to me. I hope she’s doing alright. This is a little thank you to her.

Anyway, I hope y’all enjoyed this review, catch u next time. Also Psych I lied, I am working on the 4 Toy Story reviews. They are gonna be posted in the coming week at least, anyways see y’all then.