Spongebob Squarepants The Movie: Let’s start off with the trailer shall we?

So firstly I wanna get this out of the way, this was the first and only great Spongebob Squarepants movie in my opinion….heck this is the Spongebob Squarepants movie where the creator of Spongebob wanted the series to end right here with the film…..I don’t blame him, without further a due let’s get into the review shall we?

So we open up with a pirate ship, and they see a pirate on a lifeboat screaming I got it I got it….so they bring the pirate on board with the treasure chest he has….the captain opens it up, and guess what’s inside the chest? If u guessed gold u r wrong….it’s tickets to the Spongebob movie!! Yayyyyyy!!

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea!!? Spongebob Squarepants!! Spongebob Squarepants!! Spongebob Squarepants!!

Anyways the pirates head to land towards the movie theater? Say what now? Yeah, they go inside grab snacks such as popcorn and popcorn…they run into the theater room and sit in the front of the theater to watch the Spongebob Squarepants movie…..so the movie starts off with Spongebob showing up at the front of the Crusty Krab which for some reason Mr. Krabs is outside with a news crew and bunch of people behind police tape when Spongebob shows up out of a limo? Say what now? Mr. Keabs explains the situation that the customer insides got a Krabby patty that had no cheese yet he asked for cheese…..so this is the crisis that’s going on right now?

Yeah, I really like how this film opens up like there’s a bomb inside and the people are outside while a bomb squad is coming to diffuse the bomb….don’t think any kids will catch onto that…so Spongebob goes inside with a briefcase pulls out a slice of cheese and puts it in the burger all while the customer is panicking……so we find out all this was a dream, yeah Spongebob was dreaming….he wakes up all excited because today’s gonna be the day of the grand opening of the Krusty Krab 2 and Mr. Krabs is gonna promote Spongebob to manager……so good day for Spongebob…..

So Spongebob gets ready and all that heads outside saying I’m ready promotion, I’m ready promotion…then he heads to Patrick’s where he confirms that tonight they’re gonna celebrate his promotion by going to the Goofy Googers Ice Cream Parlor…….yeah the hell Is right….the hell is a Goofy Goober? So they sing the Goofy Goobers song “oohh I’m a Goofy Goober yeah! Ur a Goofy Goober yeah! We are all Goofy Goobers yeah! Goofy Goofy Goofy Goofy Goobers! Yeah!!”

So Spongebob heads to his job….where Mr. Krabs is being interviewed on TV by a news reporter, he asks Mr. Krabs why open up another Krusty Krab right next to the original and Mr. Krabs says 1 word, money……lolo he is a greedy crab

Anyway, Plankton is at the chum bucket telling his wife how he’s gone through every plan and has failed, from A to Y…which his wife points out Z which he didn’t know existed….then he pulls out a file on Z and apparently this plan is diabolical and is lemon scented…it can’t possibly fail…

He goes outside and starts chanting all hail Plankton all hail Plankton!! And Spongebob runs on by and steps on Plankton by accident, and he hears screaming so he tries sliding it off his foot but rubbing it against the floor..he says I think I stepped on something and Plankton says not something, on someone u twat……

Anyways Spongebob gets to the ceremony, he finds out the hard way he’s not being picked as a manager because get this Mr. Krabs doesn’t think he’s man enough….ooofff, so he’s giving the position to Squidward for some reason.

So Spongebob leaves sad and all that, and just then Patrick shows up gliding in the air, butt naked with a sign with the name Spongebob on it sticking out of his butt….oh goodie.

So the official plot kicks in when Plankton goes to King Neptune’s castle and steals his crown….we see that King Neptune isn’t really forgiving of a lot of things, also his daughter named Mindy is voiced by Get this Scarlett Johansson….yes before she was Black Widow in the MCU, she was the daughter of a fish king.

Anyways so Plankton’s plan is to steal the crown, give it to Shell City, which is a forbidden place…pin it on Mr. Krabs so he has Neptune go and kill Krabs….well the stakes are higher and darker….anyways all while that’s happening Spongebob and Patrick are at the Goofy Goobers place getting drunk at a bar off of sundaes….

Say what now? Yeah so I forgot to mention Spongebob and Patrick get drunk off of ice cream which doesn’t make much sense but sure ok….

Anyway next day Neptune and his daughter show up at the Krusty Krab all while Krabs is increasing the price of his burgers….heck he makes the price of a Krabby Patty $101, his excuse with cheese…..funny I used to think Mr. Krabs was way to over greedy, but now growing up I’m realizing not every corporation is like that…..

Anyways Neptune shows up and tells Mr. Krabs he stole his crown…how does he know? Because he hands him a note that he says that Mr. Krabs signed saying I stole the crown…..then the phone voice mail turns on of a guy on the other end thanking Krabs for stealing Neptune’s crown and sending it to Shell City….

So now the kind is mad and wants to kill Krabs, just then Spongebob enters….says some mean words about Mr. Krabs, and Neptune sets Krabs on fire…..Spongebob wonders why he did that, and Neptune explains he stole his crown….and he needs his crown back because he’s bald…

He takes off the bag on his head, his head is very shiny so everyone says bald, bald, bald, bald, my eyes! Anyways Spongebob says I can go get ur crown for u….Neptune and everyone else laugh at this, but Mindy stands up for Spongebob and tells his dad to give Spongebob a chance….Neptune says very well Mindy I’ll give him a chance. But when ur little champion fails to return, I get to splatter this Krab all over the wall…

Which leads to my favorite bantering.

King Neptune: and as for u, be back with my crown in exactly 10 days!

Patrick: he can do it in 9!

King Neptune: 8

Patrick: 7

King Neptune: 6

(The gang pounds on Patrick): Patrick!

King Neptune: 6 it is then

Patrick: 4

Spongebob: Patrick shush!

Lolo yes Patrick do shush….anyways Neptune freezes Mr. Krabs in place, dun dunn dunnn…

Before Mindy leaves with her father, she warns Spongebob and Patrick that on the way to Shell City, they will encounter dangerous monsters and worse a giant cyclops is guarding near Shell City….he will take them alive and they will never be seen again…dunnn dunn dunnn…

She hands them a bag of wind and tells them to use it when necessary and Patrick starts having a crush on Mindy saying ur hot…uh ew..

So they both head out in a Krabby Patty mobile, yes u heard that right….a car made of a Krabby Patty…Patrick says wait I thought u don’t have ur license? Spongebob says u don’t need a license to drive a sandwich…well he ain’t wrong.

Anyway, they eventually get their sandwich robbed by a tough guy at a gas station….with 2 country workers making fun of Spongebob and Patrick…heck when Spongebob and Patrick drive up and ask for gas for the car…the 2 workers joke and say what will it be fellas, mustard or ketchup….oh hahaha..

So now they both have to go on foot to go get their sandwich car back, while they head on foot to look for their car….Plankton is at work with plan Z….his wife Karen brings up that Spongebob and Patrick are going after the crown….also what will happen to Plankton if they find small tiny fingerprints behind the kidnapping of the crown….

Plankton turns out he has a backup plan, he tells her he hired a ruthless blood-colded predator…..we then see this biker who’s wearing a fedora, sunglasses, a red bandana around the mouth, a leather jacket, and gloves….his name is Denis, anyways he rides up to that gas station…..the 2 fellas joke at Denis and start laughing…

So Denis thanks them by coming up to them and ripping both their mouths off….uhhhhhhh Jesus.

Anyways both Spongebob and Patrick eventually find their car parked outside a rough bar….they look through the window and notice tough guys besting each other up….they notice the spatula key on one of the goons, so they sneak in by having Patrick go in, and do a distraction….he goes in asks where’s the restroom….

Spongebob almost gets caught, Spongebob enters the restroom to wash his hands after pretending to look for his contact lenses on the floor because he almost got caught….

In the restroom as Spongebob uses the soup dispenser the machine starts producing bubbles, which goes everywhere….they start dancing, and just then the rough guys outside notice a bubble…the leader of the group who’s wearing an eyepatch says who blew this bubble!? Y’all know the rules!

All bubble-blowing babies will be beaten senseless, by every able-bodied patron in the bar.

So the guy lines up all his men, Spongebob and Patrick try sneaking out…but he limes them out as well….he puts them to the test by having his DJ play the Goofy Goobers song…because according to him, no bubble-blowing baby can rest singing along to this…..

Ohhhh I’m the Goofy Googer yeah! Ur, the Goofy Goobers ya! We are all Goofy Goobers yeah! Goofy Goofy Goofy Goobers yeah!

So Spongebob and Patrick are about to break and sing the song, and the leader is about to catch them….just then a 2 headed twin starts singing the song….

“Goofy Goofy Goofy Goobers yeah!”

“Well well well, which of u babies was it!?”

” (in unison) It was him (both pointing at each other) uhh he did it. I’ve never eaten at Goofy Goofy Goobers Goobers yeah! (Both of them shut their mouths)

“Well looks like we have ourselves a double baby”

Then the entire place of thugs starts beating up these 2 twins….

Anyway so Spongebob and Patrick leave, luckily Patrick stole the keys and now they drive off….back to Plankton, Squidward is enjoying his time away from Spongebob, but he starts noticing everyone in Bikini Bottom is wearing these Chum Bucket Bucket helmets ok they’re heads….

Turns out Plankton stole the secret formula and is telling Krabby Patty’s at the Chum Bucket while giving away free Chum Bucket Buckets to everyone…..

So Squidward goes and investigates, he tells Plankton out open he’s gonna to report this to King Neptune….because he just put 2 and 2 together that Plankton stole the crown and pinned it on Mr. Krabs so he can steal the Krabby Patty formula….

Squidward says u made one mistake u messed with my paycheck so I’m gonna go report u to King Neptune… Plankton says we will see about that, he then presses a button that causes everyone wearing a Chum Bucket helmet to have antennas sticking out of the buckets…then the buckets collapse onto there faces, mind-controlling them…

Now all they can say is all hail Plankton, all hail Plankton….so they start surrounding Squidward like a bunch of zombies, including everyone outside….Squidward says I gotta get out of here! He tries to but gets cornered by everyone, heck he gets piled on…. and Plankton starts cackling and says who’s gonna stop me now? Hahahaay whooooo!?

Ok, I’m confused I thought Plankton just wanted to finally have customers come to his restaurant….not do world domination, with a bunch of brainwashed slaves…

Anyways Spongebob and Patrick eventually see an ice cream stand, and they try to get ice cream….Spongebob grabs ahold of the ice cream but it’s all sticky and stuck to him, just then this monster comes popping out under the sand…revealing the ice cream stand is a trap….uh oh..

So they get chased, until they jump out of their car unfortunately for them the monster eats their car….while hovering over a canon…then a giant monster comes up and eats that monster….now leaving them with no car…

So Patrick tries heading down the trench on some creaky stairs, and Spongebob starts walking away….which leads to an argument.

Patrick: where u going?

Spongebob: I’m going home, Patrick

Patrick: but what about Mr. Krabs?

Spongebob: how about us? We’d never survive in that trench, let’s face it Pat we are just kids

Patrick: we are not kids

Spongebob: open ur eyes, Patrick! We blow bubbles! We eat ice cream! We worship a dancing peanut for corn’s sake! We don’t belong out here!

Patrick: we do not worship him

(Spongebob pulls Patrick’s pants down)

Spongebob: Patrick u been wearing that same Goofy Goobers party underwear for 3 years straight! What do u call that?

Patrick: warship? (Starts tearing up) ur right, Spongebob we are kids!

(Patrick runs away crying then collapses on the floor due to tripping over his pants around his ankle)

Spongebob: pull ur pants up Patrick, we’re going home

Just then Mindy shows up, and shows them some footage from a clam mirror, it shows Plankton has turned everyone into slaves…they’re building him statues of Plankton while he’s whipping them, gasping…

She tells them they just got to believe… then Spongebob says I believe that everyone I know is a goner! Then both Spongebob and Patrick start sobbing…

She then tells them she will have to turn them into men, which they get excited…she asks them to close their eyes (oh boy that trick). she then picks up seaweed…puts the seaweed over their lips, and says with my mermaid magic I turn u into men…they open their eyes and see the mustaches on each other…..

They then jump down the trench thinking they’re invincible (yeah they are stupid)…..so they get down to the trench…where they find some monsters all while singing now that were men…

All while making past dangerous monsters….here’s the clip.

Now that were men! We have facial hair! Now that we’re men! I changed my underwear.

Lolo eww, so anyways they start doing some knee dancing in Infront of some monsters which impress the monsters, so now they join into the song, helping them get out safely out of the trench, all while singing about the both of them getting to Shell City to rescue the crown and save the town and Mr. Krabs.

When they get out of the trench, Spongebob says we got past those hideous disgusting monsters, which hurts the monster’s feelings who are behind them…so they head back down sad, anyways Spongebob and Patrick try to continue but then get stopped by Denis….

He tells them he’s been hired to exterminate them, Spongebob and Patrick laugh and tell him we’ll leave u off with a warning or feel the awesome powers of our mustaches…. then Denis grabs the seaweed off their lips and says u mean these? I thought those were pieces of salad stuck on u from lunch time….

Spongebob: (gulp) they were fake?

Denis: of course they were fake! This is what a real mustache looks like (pulls down bandana  and proceeds to grow a mustache)

Patrick: is he a mermaid

Patrick ur dumb, anyway so he tells them Plankton hired him to kill them…

He says Plankton was very specific, he told me to step on u….. oh ok now I get why he did that because he wanted to get revenge and to show what it feels like to always be stepped on….clever, took me this many years to put 2 and 2 together but uh yeah clever.

So they won’t find out that he stole the crown…..perhaps I said too much Denis says, so then he grows spikes out of his shoes, lifts his foot over them….tells them it will only hurt a lot! Hahahahhah I love this job…

Just then a bigger boot steps on Denis….both of them thank the stranger for saving them. They look up at this tall guy who proceeds to look down at them, revealing it’s the Cyclops! This cyclops is a deep-sea diver wearing one of those deep-sea suits and scuba helmets….

Both Spongebob and Patrick try running away but the cyclops chase them by walking slowly….he catches up to them grabs them, lifts them to his face, and turns around back to shore with them….wow this is legit the first time we saw Spongebob and Patrick in danger….tbis use to scare me as a kid….

Just then Spongebob and Patrick wake up in a fish bowl, they don’t know where they are…but they notice fish folks around them, they try to call out to them but Spongebob realizes all these fish folks are all dead…and hanging off ceilings on stings and on display……dunn dunn dunn..

Just then the Cyclops comes out and goes to his desk, takes out a clam some glue, and Google eyes….he then proceeds to put the glue on the clam put the googly eyes on it, and then a small hat…then he proceeds to turn it to both of them so they can see….which there’s a sign in front of it saying

Spongebob: Alexander clam bell?! Patrick, he’s killing sea animals and making them into smelly knickknacks! And I think we’re next!

Patrick: (being lifted out of the bowl) u think so?

So they both get lifted out and then placed on a table under a lamp, so while the Cyclops goes to the restroom Spongebob and Patrick Reminisce over the fact how they might have been over their heads…how they are a bunch of kids who were way over their heads….they never made it to Shell City they failed….

Just then Patrick starts repeatedly saying Shell City, Shell City….which Spongebob says ok Patrick ur starting to bum me out. Patrick points at a sign saying no, Shell City Marine gifts and sundries…..

Wait Shell City is a gift shop? So the crown must be here then? Yep it is they both notice it in the corner of the room on a pedestal….Spongebob says pat we made it, we did all right for a couple of goof balls….

They both shed 2 tiers which drip to the bottom of the table creating a heart shape…Spongebob breaks out into a song saying I’m a Goofy Goober yeah! (Both singing in sync) ur a Goofy Goober yeah! We’re all Goofy Goobers yeah!

Just then they shrivel up due to being dried out by the lamp…and they dry out into a real-life dead starfish and a real sponge…..damn that was dark, this scene had all kids in tears when younger….

So anyways we cut to the pirates in the theatre crying saying that’s the end of Spongebob? The parrot comes and says shut up and looks at the screen, the captain says argh the bird is right. Look it’s the tear of the Goofy Goobers….

Just then the 2 tiers drip down onto a wire that the lamp is plugged into the wall. The tear goes upwards to the circuit creating a spark and then a small cloud of smoke…so the smoke goes up to set off the fire sprinklers all over the room which causes Spongebob and Patrick to come back to life…yayyyyy

So then Spongebob and Patrick run up to the crown they prepare to lift it, they count to 3 then it starts lifting…Spongebob says it’s lighter than I thought….but turns out the Cyclops is lifting them up…he starts laughing Maniacally….until he starts noticing all the dead animal props start moving…shaking rapidly like they are possessed…

Just then all the animals start individually coming back to life and being turned back into animated sea animals….a mariachi band of fish starts playing music on their instruments…..the cyclops is looking around confused…while all the animals are looking at him angrily…

This leads to my favorite moment brace yourself…so a lobster on a shelf behind him taps on his helmet. He turns around and says huh? The lobster pulls out glue and Google eyes…the cyclops says uh oh, then the lobster just Squirts the tube of glue at the Cyclops eyeball…..which causes him to scream in pain ah….then all the animals jump onto him on the floor, and pile onto him to beat him up….

Yes yes finally justice…

So Spongebob and Patrick make it out with the crown. They find themselves on a beach…..they get to the start of the ocean…Spongebob pulls out thr wind bag proceeds to read the instructions while Patrick is holding the windbag…unfortunately for Spongebob Patrick is a moron so while Spongebob is reading put the instructions, Patrick ends up doing every part of the instruction…including the final instruction that said release rope from the bag…which Patrick does…SMH.

The bag of course flies off…so now Patrick and Spongebob have no way to get back to Bikini Bottom….however luckily for them a famous actor dressed in lifeguard attire runs up to them…they ask who are u? He says I’m David hasselhoff..they then say hurray, they ask him where’s his boat….he laughs at them….

So no he has no boat but instead, he swims them back to Bikini Bottom while they stand on his back….oh also for some reason David Hasselhoff is so fast he’s the equivalent of a motor boat….heck he’s not moving any limbs he’s just laying on the water calmly….

So while Spongebob and Patrick are just relaxing on Hasselhoff Spongebob says nothing can stop us now…Patrick points out an unidentified object is coming up towards them, Spongebob makes it out as bigger boot….yeah the Cyclops boot is swimming up behind them….just them the boot lands on the edge of Hasselhoff back and Denis comes right off the bottom of the boot…they both scream ahhhhh Denis, he says did u miss me?….uh oh.

Anyways while this is happening Mr. Krabs’ execution day has come, and Plankton is sitting up front to watch this happen….the king who’s now wearing a paper bag over his head says it’s time for u to die, Mr. Krabs starts crying and says plz I didn’t do it….the king says there is nothing I can do…which Mindy says expect to give Spongebob and Patrick more time…

Except give Spongebob and Patrick a little more time time time tie- what!? He tells Mindy she is stalling…..

Anyways back to Denis, who btw I find kinda boring if u ask me….he tries killing off the both of them….Spongebob tries escaping by jumping across the other leg of David Hasselhoff, he tries bribing Denis with Goofy Goobers cash….he only hands him 4 dollars….

Which Denis says it will take a lot more then 5, what is this? Which Spongebob explains that sire is 5 Goober dollars….jeepers Spongebob ur not helping, Denis then grabs Spongebob which then Spongebob pulls out bubble blower and thr bubbles blow into Denis eyes leaving him blind….he then tosses Spongebob behind him…which leads to another favorite of the dialog..

Patrick: I got u Spongebob! (Grabs Spongebob)

Spongebob: thanks Patrick! (Denis shows up above them and is holding his spiky boot over them), ahh thanks a lot

Denis: that’s it I’m threw screwing around! See u later fools! (Hears honking noise then proceeds to look up where there’s a dock over them, which Denis gets hit off David by the dock)

Patrick: bye

Lololo good one Patrick, anyways the king locks Mindy outside until the execution is done, uh oh Spongebob needs to make it back…so David arrives to the Bikini Bottom island…Spongebob says how are we gonna float down in time? Which David says who said anything about floating?

Hrs then stands up, sticks them in between his breast, and launches them downwards into the Bikini Bottom…..luckily Spongebob and Patrick made it right at the moment Neptune is counting down to 3, 2, 1 then he shoots his Lazer beam but then Spongebob crashes through which the Lazer reflects off the crown launching back up towards David Hasselhoff…

He is just laying there relaxing, he says u done good Hasselhoff u done- (then the Lazer blasts him) and he says oww……

Yayyy so Neptune now how his crown, so things are over right? I wish but Plankton still has a backup plan….he pulls a lever which drops a bucket helmet onto Neptune, then he takes over him making him be his minion….

His men minions come crashing in saying all hail Plankton….all hail Plankton….the town folks including Neptune corner and surround Patrick, Spongebob and Mindy…

So as Spongebob is about to be fried, he starts adding to everyone that he’s in fact just a kid, Plankton tries to tell him ok scoot back in the corner…then Spongebob jumps onto the front dest and pulls up thr mic and says but that’s OK! Because I did what was impossible I beat the the bikers! I beat the monsters! I beat the Hasselhoff! I got the crown back!

Then he starts curling up and says I’m I’m I’m im….while smoke is surrounding him, Plankton tries to get Spongebob to cool down….what the scalp!?

I’m a Goofy Goober!

Which causes Plankton to fly backward into the wall…also as u can see now Spongebob has on futuristic visors for some reason…

Oh also Patrick is wearing long stripper legs for some reason……uhhhhhhh, anyways Plankton tries to eventually send his mind-controlled men onto Spongebob, and as they pile onto him he bursts out dressed in a purple wizard attire while flying and holding a guitar….

Anyways he uses the blast from the guitar to shoot out beams at the helmets to destroy them….he then spins himself like a twister….he saves everyone in Bikini Bottom from Plankton’s helmets, everyone starts dancing….

Plankton says ehhh I need to get out of here, everyone else comes running in saying dude it’s the wizard who saved us….Plankton tries to say out of my way fools…but they all run over him…

So he them gets sent away to prison in a small a very small police truck….he says I was to kidding, with the helmets and the big monuments….I’ll destroy all od u!!

Chronologically this was supposed to be the last time we’d see Plankton, he’d be rotting away in prison….I wish it’d stay that way.

Anyways Neptune is happy to be reunited with his crown, he thanks Spongebob and is about to head out….but Mindy says dad aren’t u forgetting something….which leads to this funny moment..

Neptune: what? Oh oh, right Krabs…I forgot to unfreeze u (Proceeds to zap Krabs with his trident)

Mr. Krabs: (now looking like a human boy) What the?

Neptune: whoops I accidentally set it to “real boy ending” (zaps Mr. Krabs again)

Mr. Krabs: (looking back to normal now) Yippee!

Oh hahaha I get it real boy ending, like Pinocchio….

Anyways Neptune apologizes for wrongly accusing him, he tells him how grateful he should be to have an employee such as Spongebob….

So then Mr. Krabs ends up giving the position of manager to Spongebob, and Squidward gives him the name tag….. Anyway Spongebob says “Manager! This is the best day of my life!” He jumps in the air…the film ends on a freeze frame then we cut to the credits to the song Ocean Man..

This end credits are gorgeous, I recommend listening through the whole thing it just brings emotions…. Anyway there’s an end credits scene where the pirates are told to leave the theatre, and they reluctantly agree and just head out…alright then…

Well hope y’all enjoyed my review on Spongebob Squarepants The Movie, where this series should have ended right here….oh btw here’s a teaser for my next review, unfortunately.