Wonka: Let’s start by showing you all the trailers, shall we?

Yeah, Timothée Chalamet is making a name for himself in Hollywood. Gotta admit I liked him here and in both Dune movies…I hope he continues, plus I hope he has a great acting career…I’ll be posting images of the characters here, including Wonka and The Oompa Loompa…

Also, I want to mention quickly, and don’t throw fruits at me. Still, before this movie and Charlie and The Chocolate Factory, I had never seen Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory. Yeah, I’ve only watched that film recently….hold it, hold it now before anyone decides to throw garbage at me for saying that…I just want you to know that’s not me insulting the original Willy Wonka movie. No, not at all. I like the movie…

Also, what got me invested in this movie is that this movie is made by the people who brought us Harry Potter and Paddington….2 movies I love a lot, so I was like, wait a minute, a Willy Wonka prequel starring Timothée Chalamet,  also the movie is being made by the people who brought us Paddington and Harry Potter? And it’s also coming out close to Christmas? So that be an excellent Christmas movie…sign me up and take my money right now you have my attention, lol….

Now, let’s get the rating out of the way before we get into spoilers….well overall, I loved this movie. I’m glad to have gotten a chance to see it in theaters….heck, I’ve seen it twice in theaters…both times I loved it…by the way, I also think that Timothée Chalamet is making a name for himself in Hollywood…I hope to see him continue his career, and I can’t wait to see what else he will be in…

Apparently, Hugh Grant didn’t like playing the role of the Oompa Loompa…he looked at this role as just a paycheck he did for something his kids could watch…well that’s too bad. I think he was one of the best things about this movie….overall I’ll give this film a solid 10/10…

So now, spoilers ahead. So in this film, our main character, Willy Wonka (played by Timothée Chalamet) (pronounced Shall-ah-may), lands in London to pursue his dream of becoming a famous chocolate maker…

In this film, Wonka has dark brown curly hair, a dark chocolate colored top hat that’s weathered away slightly, a red velvet-colored weathered jacket, a multi-colored shirt and scarf, a brown vest, tan pants then, brown shoes…oh, and his iconic cane as well

Anyways, soon as he gets there, it turns out he has nowhere to live, so he decides to sleep overnight at a train station on a bench….so he takes his hat off and proceeds to pull out a gea pot filled with melted chocolate, a table blanket and a teacup and a candle….huh?

What is his hat? Hermione’s bag? Anyways, this random guy named Bleacher who has messy brown hair, crooked teeth, and a brown mustache…the guy is played by (Tom Davis) and he takes Wonka and tells him that he knows of a place run by a wonderful woman who will let him stay there…uh huh something seems shady about this, don’t trust him Wonka…just don’t

But he does, so he follows Bleacher to a small apartment rental run by a woman named Mrs. Scrubbit (played by Olivia Colman). Anyway, he asks her for a room after telling her he came to this town to make his dreams of becoming a chocolate maker come true. She then pulls out a contract and asks him to sign it so he can get the room…then this girl named Noodle (played by Calah Lane) behind the wall opens a small window door and says to him read the fine print….

Then Wonka pulls out the paper, extending it extremely far….this gets Ms. Scrubbit worried, so she nods to Bleacher to come over and knock out Wonka….ok these two are suspicious; run! But it turns out Wonka can’t read, so he says everything looks in order….

So, after spending one night there, he goes out to make money by selling his chocolate in front of the chocolate shops in the central hall area downtown…..as soon as he gets there, he lures people over by introducing his chocolate…. It turns out this specific chocolate was made with a particular plant that can cause you to fly…ok, who’d want to have chocolate that makes them fly?

“They fly now!? They fly now!”

So anyway, the chocolate cartel run by

Arthur Slugworth (played by Paterson Joseph)

Prodnose (played by Matt Lucas)

Ficklegruber (played by Mathew Baynton)

Come outside, take a sample of Wonka’s chocolate…they insult it, and then proceed to fly because the chocolate causes people to fly…..then everyone starts wanting Wonka’s chocolate, so now we have random people flying…just then, the cops come in, led by The Cheif of Police (played by Keegan-Michael Key) he says nothing to see her folks just a bunch of people defying the laws of gravity…..lolo

Wonka gets sent home with no money, so now he has to pay up Ms. Scrubbit, who has cheated him out of his money or lack thereof …she says he owes her a couple of thousand dollars because he spent the night and used the bathroom….yeah Wonka uh run…but then they corner him and push him down the laundry shoot and tell him that he’s going to have to work in the laundry room until he pays off his debt…..which will be uh let’s see… uh carry over the, a very long time…

So, down there, he meets the gang of other victims who fell for Ms. Scrubbit’s “kindness.”… their names are

Abacus Crunch (played by Jim Carter)

Piper Benz (played by Natasha Rothwell)

Larry Chucklesworth (played by Rich Fulcher)

Lottie Bell (played by Rakhee Thakrar)

They tell Wonka they fell for the same act of kindness from Ms. Scrubbit, and now they are down here working to pay off their debts

Now it’s time to get this “scrub scrub.”

“Scrub scrub”

Sorry, I had to do that., yeah so they scrub the laundry all day and sing this song to make the days feel less painful and long even though they still feel painful and long….yikes

So eventually, that night, he makes Noodle some chocolate because she says that she’s never had chocolate before….so while he makes chocolate using a giant chocolate-making mechanism in his suitcase, he tells her a story of how he and his mother both grew up on a boat house…not living wealthy but living with enough money to live…

He always had a dream to become a chocolate maker…also his mom would every now and then get enough chocolate to make some for him….she’d always tell him there’s a secret ingredient, and she’ll tell him when he’s older…unfortunately she never got around to telling him, she passed away…awwww

Anyway, Wonka and Noodle team up. She’ll get as much chocolate as she wants. He will help her find her mother she never knew (right, I forgot to mention she was placed here when she was a baby, and now she owns Ms. Scrubbit thousands of dollars just for them raising her…ouch) she also has a dream of meeting her mom who is living in a book-shaped house…. aw…

So he’s going to help her, but in return, he needs her help to help him leave the place without anyone noticing his absence…so let’s talk about the chocolate cartel, which has a giant vault of melted chocolate under a church is run by a priest named Father Julius (played by Rowan Atkinson) yes that’s right Mr. Bean plays a priest…lolo

Anyways, the cartel bribes him and his cult of, I kid you, not chocolate, loving monks with chocolate…yeah, in this universe, chocolate is used as currency… this universe is bonkers…

Don’t worry things about to get “Wonk-ier,” eh eh? OK, that was corny. So the Chief of Police comes to talk to them…they try bribing him into getting Wonka into an accident…which then Prodnose says in which they die…

That’s his one Shtick in this film…he is always literal, but I won’t lie. It always makes me laugh….then you got Ficklegruber, whose one Shtick is. Every time he hears the word poor people, he always starts gagging….

Ficklegruber: even his chocolate is affordable even for…..even for, u know…the

Chief of Police: poor people?

Ficklegruber: (gags intensely) Can you refrain from using that word?

Cheif: what poor people?

Ficklegruber: (gags intensely)

Prodnose: he hates the word poor people

Ficklegruber: (gags intensely)

So then they ask if he can get Wonka to stop selling chocolate….the chief says I cannot do your dirty work…so then the 3 of them break out into singing about if the chief has a sweet tooth…sorry what?

“Do u got a sweet tooth? I do”

Lolo, yeah the 3 menacing chocolate cartels brewk out into Choreograph dancing/singing while hosting colorful fans…..all while singing about does the Cheif have a sweet tooth…lolo this movie o swear lolo, so they offer him tons of tons of chocolate so he agrees..

So from here on out let’s do a broad skim of the rest of the movie…

Let’s see, Wonka builds a contraction that watches clothes while he’s gone….he uses the dog on a gear pad with a piece of his cloth on a stick to convince the dog to move to control the machine…wow Wonka should become an engineer…

So how do they distract Ms. Scrubbit for a while? Easy they use her fantasy against her…she’s in love with men who are an aristocrat, so they convince Bleacher that Ms. Scrubbit likes men who dress up fancy, shoe there knees and says there an aristocrat….臘 that plan sounds stupid on paper…oh yes good luck convincing Ms. Scrubbit that Bleacher is an aristocrat….btw it works she buys into it…oh joy, the art of stupidity…..

So Noodle helps take Wonka out through the laundry basket. He needs her help to go to the zoo to milk a giraffe to make more chocolate……they get to the zoo, Wonka uses knockout chocolate to knock out the security guard at his booth….damn Wonka is cold. Also, funny thing the knockout chocolate causes you to sing out loud, possibly dance, then do something irrational like calling up you’re ex…sorry what? Then fall unconscious….ok seriously, what’s in Wonka’s chocolate?

So they sneak in, and Wonka accidentally mistakes a door that says lion for giraffe because he cannot read….lolo, Noodle says you, got to learn to read, which Wonka says, ok I’ll try to learn to read…so they find the giraffe, Wonka proceeds to ask if he can milk her..he does so….after that they leave while singing a song, so there leaving in style….

Eventually, the other gang learns about what Wonka and Noodle have been up to…they explain Wonka has been selling the best chocolate ever…so now they want in, which makes sense…so we then get a montage with a song of them promoting their chocolate around with people…when the cops show up Wonka escapes through the sewer lids, huh clever….

But eventually, the cops notice Wonka escape through the sewer vents because a piece of his cloak got caught…so now they know how he’s been escaping….also the Chief of Police has gained weight yeah the running gag in this film is he eats too much chocolate and becomes obese…hmmm hey kids isn’t obesity and addiction just so funny?

Anyway, that night, while Wonka is asleep, he places a trap on the floor for the little orange-skinned guy with green hair who’s been stealing his chocolate….that’s what he told Noodle by the way she nor the others don’t believe him…they just think he’s mad…understandably.

Anyways the trap goes off, and Wonka traps him in a jar, so he wakes up, places the jar on the table, and the little green-haired guy is an Oompa Loompa (played by Hugh Grant). Hugh freaking Grant! God, I love the actor. He’s so good in anything he’s in…. by the way make this 2 good movies he starred in 2023..

Dungeons And Dragons Honor Amongst Thieves

Wonka

So anyways, His name is Lofty, he tells Wonka he’s an average size for an Oompa Loompa and that he doesn’t like Wonka staring at him like he’s a museum attraction…..he then says you have no right to lock up innocent people, which Wonka says innocent? You have been stealing my chocolate…apparently, according to Lofty, Wonka started it first when he stole their cocoa beans off his island…

Wonka doesn’t remember it, so now Lofty pulls out a flute and says well, here’s a catchy song about my tragic tale. That way, u won’t forget about it…

Wonka: oh, I don’t want to hear that

Lofty: too late, I started dancing. When we start dancing, we can’t stop….Oompa Loompa Doompety-Doo Ive got a tragic tale for you…

So yeah, according to Lofty, his men banished him until he gets back a thousand folds of chocolate from Wonka since Lofty slept on guard duty, which allowed Wonka to escape with their cocoa beans…ok that sounds like an unfair punishment……so Wonka tries to negotiate like gentlemen with Lofty, and get this Lofty asks him to just take him out of the jar and give him the Slightly big mallet, and for Wonka to come up close to him….

Really? How dumb do you have to be to believe this? To no one’s surprise, Lofty hits Wonka on the head and escapes with Wonka’s chocolate in a glass jar….

Anyway, the next day, they head out, but this time, they don’t need to worry about being caught because they now bought out a candy shop temporally….so they enter the empty building, a bit of a mess, and needs working on but it’s a building they can have a chocolate shop in…besides the lay here is you can’t sell chocolate without a chocolate shop, and you can’t have a chocolate shop within selling chocolate….yeah sounds like a double conundrum

Anyway that night, The Cheif goes to tell the chocolate cartel. While they spot the gang sneaking back to their building…..seems Mr. Slugworth recognizes the little girl…dunn dunn, and he pays the Chief with chocolate…of course…also Mr. Slugworth has a plan, he goes to Ms. Scrubbit to inform her of what Wonka and The gang been up to and he wants her help to take them down….uh oh

Anyways, Wonka and The Gang open up their chocolate shop….they bring in the people by doing a musical number, and they show off their shop, which looks like a pre-version of the Wonka factory…here we have a ginormous chocolate tree in the middle of the room, with candy-flavored items around it on a grass plane, with a candy yellow colored bridge over a chocolate river…..

Man, talk about a magical experience…anyways the customers buy different chocolates, and in this world, they can either get change back or more chocolate….wow chocolate is clearly currency in this world, as one of the customers leaves after tasting a chocolate…the guy’s hair changes color…which concerns him, so he asks Wonka which uh well Wonka tells everyone don’t eat the chocolate! There’s a rare poison in those chocolates…sorry

Rare poison? Yikes, so everyone takes their money back….they burn down the store uhh ohhh….so the gang leaves Wonka alone for a little then the 3 cartels come in and make an offer with Wonka…

They will pay each of them to be set free from their slavery, including Wonka, and will find Noodle a better home to live at, on the condition that Wonka leaves town forever and never sells chocolate again… Dunn dunn dunn, so Wonka agrees out of the kindness of his heart because he cares about Noodle…he wants her to have a happy life…that’s not with Ms. Scrubbit….

So he agrees, and he heads out on a boat that the cartel set up for him, which is a one-way ticket away from here….Arthur Slugworth keeps his end of the bargain and pays off the gang debt…..but it seems he lied about Noodle’s freedom, no instead, he paid Ms. Slugworth to keep her there forever….uh oh, wow, what a shocker, so the main baddie turns out to be a liar….who would have thunk?

Oh also apparently he sent Wonka on that boat to  die, so Wonka is just sitting on the boat and Lofty shows up tells him he’s not leaving his sight until the debt is paid, then they both find that the drivers seat is filled with TNT after Wonka realizes that the mark on his hand from Arthur Slugworths ring has a similar symbol as the necklace that Noodle has around her neck…huh I wonder…

So they both escape the boat, and Wonka is presumed dead….Noodle gets locked up in the pigeon tower while the rest of the gang is set free. Oh no, things are looking bleak…..but what’s this? Wonka shows up to the small window outside the pigeon tower. He’s standing on a ladder that’s being held by the gang… yay he tells Noodle he has a plan to take down the Chocolate cartel….

So they break out Noodle, then they hatch their plan…so here is how it goes

The gang goes to the zoo to steal the giraffe from earlier that Wonka milked. Yes that’s not a joke….they transport it in a crate on a car to the church where the cartel’s underground layer is at…

Noodle appears at the church door as Mr. Bean walks up to the door, where she places some seeds in his pocket, which the giraffe likes…..anyways the pope and monks are preparing for a funeral that’s gonna happen there, he tells them that during this time they can’t be eating chocolate it will be disrespectful…even though his monks are called the chocolate loving monks or something like that….

Anyways someone knocks on the door, they open it the giraffe is there, she chases him inside which causes havoc…the pope calls up the zoo, the rest of the gang answers the phone and pretends they’re working there…they tell him they will be there soon to get the giraffe…

So they get there while Wonka and Noodle are hiding underneath the hay in the crate. The gang goes inside with the crate to put the giraffe in, and Wonka and Noodle sneak out and use the secret lever to ascend down….they hide above the elevator instead inside because at the bottom in front of the vault it’s being guarded by a female guard who knows Kung fu for some reason…

So they place the knockout chocolate inside for her, she grabs it eats it and goes through all the similar things that zoo guard did earlier…also funny thing, remember that girl he called up earlier? U know the woman he wished he dated? Yeah turns out this guard lady is that woman….say what!? What are the odds…yeah she decides to call up that same guard…

Which baffles Wonka and Noodle because they’re like wait seriously? She’s ehh? And he’s? Huhh? Yeah I do agree, huh?

So they sneak on in they locate the file book there after, this file book shows evidence of everything the chocolate cartel has done that’s illegal….hence why they hid this away….btw I forget to mention that Abacus Crunch was originally Mr. Slugworth financial assistant until he was fired because he got a glimpse of this book…..

So yeah if they get their hands on this book they can expose the cartel to the non-corrupt cops for who they are…..just as they find the book which is hidden in a wall, the cartel show up aiming a gun at them…..Wonka confronts Mr. Slugworth about how Noodle is related to him and that the N on the necklace isn’t an N it’s in fact a Z…..dunn dunn dunn…

Which Mr. Slugworth says she’s my brother’s….and that his brother’s mother brought her to him because she was sick and the mother was poor…she wanted Slugworths help to cure her…he promised he will, but instead he took her then proceeds to dump her down a laundry shoot which then Ms. Slugworth got her hands on the baby….so Mr. Slugworth lied to the mother that her daughter died….wow what a piece of shite he is…

Anuways he now tells them that u cannot live, do we have enough chocolate? Which the three of them says yes we have about so and so amount each…which Wonka says chocolate? For what? Which I kid u not and this makes me break out into tears each time, Mr. Slugworth says with a straight face “death, by chocolate”……good grief yeah we’re at that levels of bonkers with this film.

So they both get locked in tbe vault, Wonka asks the cartel to hand the small orange man this jar off chocolate to pay off his debt..and he tosses tje jar at them, they tell him they will hand it to him personally…

But of course they don’t they start eating the chocolate as they’re walking away, while the both of them are being drowning….anyways they get pushed up to a glass cover floor above them they bang for help…the 3 cartels show their faces and wave bye….just then as Pope Bean is sitting having a piece of Wonka’s chocolate, Luffy shows up and says that was mine…then he goes down the secret elevator, uses a pair of mechanism wings….

He flies to the vault and saves the 2 from drowning, he drains the chocolate….so the 2 of them see Luffy above them looking down through the glass floor, Noodle, and Wonka thank the orange-skinned man for helping them…he just walk off…

So as the cartels walk outside the Chief’s car pulls up and he comes out of his car….actually more like he gets help being pulled out of his car because he’s a fat mess at this point…..anyways Wonka and Noodle walk out and hands the book to a cop near them…the chief walks up and says that’s something for the chief to deal with….

Which the cop says not so fast chief there right, and your name is written in here…which the chief says really? Then the cop says all over it…..uh oh they have been caught right-handed….so the cartel run off but they start floating because they ate Wonka’s chocolate….as Wonka says how much of my chocolate did u eat?

So they tell Wonka we have enough chocolate to make sure we will never see the inside of a cell…which Wonka says oh really? Then we see his gang in the sewers pulling levers which causes the fountain outside in front of them to spew out all of the cartels melted chocolate…..well guess they don’t have that chocolate anymore….

So anyways now all that is left is to find Noodle her mom, luckily the team has tracked down Noodle’s mother….so Wonka takes Noodle to her mother, turns out her mother lives in a library…huh so that dream of her mom living under a book was pretty accurate then?

So now Noodle is reunited with her mom, Luffy shoes up and Wonka thanks him for saving his life….Luffy says I can’t nor will I leave until the chocolate is in my hands…which then Wonka just hands him a jar filled with chocolate…Luffy says thanks u, Wonka says ur welcome….so guess now there business is done right? Well…

Wonka asks Luffy in the form of a song to join him….role clip

“Come with me, and u will see a world of pure imagination”

So Wonka takes him to an old abandoned castle where he asks Luffy (all while signing) to imaging this place being the world’s greatest chocolate factory….the film ends with Luffy taking a bite of Wonka’s chocolate and they shake on it…starting there partnership of working together…..woo-hoo the end…

Overall I highly recommend this movie it’s a really fun whimsical holiday film that the whole family can enjoy…..it’s available on Max at the moment plz go watch it…hope yall enjoyed thus review, plz share it around with people u know…thanks.