Charlie and The Chocolate Factory: Let’s start by showing you all the trailer for this remake, shall we?

So I’m going to start by saying that this was the first film I saw that introduced me to the world of Willy Wonka. Yeah, I never watched the original Gene Wilder film….this film was my introduction to the series…I’ll be posting here images of Willy Wonka and The Oompa Loompas….

Let’s get the rating out of the way, shall we? Even though I liked this movie, it doesn’t mean I overlook the flaws it has…..mainly that it will never match up anywhere as close to the Gene Wilder Willy Wonka movie….this movie pales in comparison (pun unintended because Johnny Depp in this film is pale)….heh heh…ok I’m done that joke was terrible…

Also, I need to make this clear, even though I like most of Tim Burton’s movies, including this one. That doesn’t mean this film is some fun, light-hearted film. No, this is Tim Burton we’re talking about here. The guy decided to make this film darker…because that’s what Tim Burton does…

See, if you give Tim Burton a kid’s property to adopt, your only going to get grim and bizarre, Hence how we got Alice in Wonderland….hey I love that Tim Burton film, plus it’s another Tim Burton film with Johnny Depp in it..but even I can admit ain’t nothing about that film is fun or joyful… no instead what we got for that film was dark, bleak, bizarre, creepy…again all the hallmarks of a typical Tim Burton type film….

So overall, I’ll give this film a solid 8.5/10….so now it’s time for the spoilers…

We open up to what I can only describe as weird yet catchy music as it opens the credits up while showing the outside and inside of Wonka’s chocolate factory…

So in this movie, Wonka sends out multiple random golden tickets to different candy stores, a total of 5 golden tickets, and whichever random kid gets a hold of the golden ticket gets access to go into his chocolate factory….all five random kids, plus their family…which they will earn a special prize at the end…what is this special prize yall wondering? Well, get to that later…

Anyways in this universe Wonka shut down his chocolate factory because someone who was working for him leaked secret chocolate ingredients to his rival named Arthur Slugworth…so Wonka announces he’s shutting down his factory forever….which includes Charlie’s uncle who use to work for Wonka as an employee….damn, so now I really wondering why he’s sending out golden tickets to kids?

Also huh, if y’all can’t tell, this is the same plot as the original Gene Wilder version, so this is a remake…so y’all know the drill, a group of random kids who are named

Veruca Salt

Violet Beauregarde

Augustus Gloop

Mike Teevee

BTW, this film is a product of its time, and I mean, the fact they make Violet Beauregarde a bad girl because she shows gum a lot? And they make Mike Teevee bad because he plays violent video games and wears a skull shirt…just screams stereotypes and misunderstanding what makes a child naughty or bad….like how is chewing gum constantly make u bad?

Then one more kid finds the last golden ticket, his name is

Charlie Bucket…he’s part of a household of poor people… their house looks on the brink of collapsing, and all the older relatives lie in one giant bed that covers up the middle of the room…… It seems like a safety hazard if you ask me…so he takes it home and shows it to his whole family while opening the chocolate bar up…..

He ends up getting the golden ticket, which, I kid you not, causes his Grandpa to get up and dance….huh funny, I thought he couldn’t move? So yeah, he dances, I guess he’s excited…

BTW, I forgot to mention that Charlie’s grandpa told him tons of stories related to Willy Wonka….one of which involved him going out to India and making a ginormous chocolate palace for a king…..a giant chocolate palace to live in. Sounds dumb….heck, it sounds like it will melt eventually. Shocker it does melt. As soon as the sun hits it, the whole place melts….now who couldn’t have seen this coming?

Anyway, they head to the factory and meet up with the other kids at the gate…the gate opens, and they then get welcomed by a small stage playing music with creepy-looking dolls that start setting on fire and then melting….huh?

Well, congrats, Tim Burton. I think you just gave a bunch of kids nightmares, plus you made the audience confused and slightly creeped out….also Willy Wonka is there next to the group on the left side. He just claps and says wasn’t that wonderful?

Then I kid you not, this is how he introduces himself…

Wonka: hello, kids, the earth says hello (hee hee)

Ah, kids, uh, run like right now…this guy is weird

Anyways, this version of Wonka, this version of Wonka has a black top hat, a velvet dark red striped jacket, a black leather shirt, dark purple gloves, a cane, black pants and shoes, a pale face, and black hair, I can only describe it as a lord farquaad type of hairstyle….yep Tim Burton made his version of Wonka that’s for sure…

Also I don’t know, who to blame here, the script or Johnny Depp himself this version of Wonka comes off more like he’s secretly a pedophile…that’s not the correct feeling I should be getting from a character like Wonka….

BTW Wonka in both this film and the original might be secretly disturbing, there’s theories he enclaves the Oompa Loompas…which I really hope that’s not the case because that’s too dark…I’d rather go with he partnered with them which was hinted at thr end of the Wonka movie…so I’m sticking to that head canon…

Anyway, for the next entire middle act, I’ll just do an abridged version of what happens to each kid…because we all know what happens to them

• first to go is Augustus Gloop. When they enter the factory, they visit the main attraction, a giant room filled with candy-made biomes…including grass and all that, and a chocolate river….Augustus Gloop goes for the river, but he falls into it….then he gets sucked up a tube…then the CGI Oompa Loompas who all have the same actors face btw…yeah all the Oompa Loompa in this film are just copy and paste of one singular actor…

Ok that’s either creative or lazy….anyways cue the Augustus Gloop song

“But don’t dear children be alarmed, Augustus Gloop will not be harmed”

Sorry, I had to do that….

Also the mother mentions how it’s suspicious that the song seemed scripted, huh she might not be wrong….

Quickly want to mention that boat scene, so that boat scene from the original film is here….except here it’s toned down for some reason. instead Tim Burton decided to treat this scene like it’s a water slide ride….so they are going downwards through the tunnel at a fast pace while the Oompa Loompas are using the drums for some reason….

Also, things get weird. They pass by yest rooms one of which is a room with a cow tied to the ceiling while an Oompa Loompa is milking it….

Sorry did I say milk the cow? No I meant there whipping the cow….

Ok, ok, Tim Burton, are you sure you r alright?

So now, onto victim…sorry, I meant kid number 2….

• Violet Beauregarde is next, so they go into another room, which is the factory itself…..she notices some gum being made…she decides to take one and starts chewing on it..she says it has different flavors, one of which is described as blueberry…yeah turns out thus gum is an experimental gum that supposed to be any or every flavor…..then it happens

Violet Beauregarde starts swelling up and turns blue, so she just turned into a blueberry…yeah, it turns out the gum was experimental….yeah she shouldn’t have eaten it, don’t worry i won’t scar anyone by showing yall this version of the clip…because for some reason Tim Burton made the scene worse, by having her swell up into a ginormous blueberry, with her belly popping out….

Yeah, Tim Burton, pull back on the details, plz….this movie is already crazy enough as it already was….then the Oompa Loompa comes out and roll her away to fix her all while they’re singing about

“Chewing, chewing all day long. Chewing, chewing all day long.”

Sorry, did I say roll her out? No, I meant they jumped on her and started dancing with their legs to move her. They used her as a glorified ball…..ey ey ey ey ey

• Next up is Mike Teevee, so they enter an electronics room…where Mike goes up to a machine that can shrink things, including humans, to send them into the television for some reason…..and Mike well being Mike decides to go against Wonka’s warning of not going into the machine, but he does so anyways…

So he gets teleported into the TV which then we’ll this happens

Yes, we get a montage of different Oompa Loompas on various TV channels being switched, while they’re singing using various type of genres of music….yes this is a scene, no I don’t know why we needed Oompa Loompas doing rock music and sticking their tongues out….Tim my dude ur weird…

So Mike, being held in Wonka’s hand, tells him, “Just put me back in the other way.” dude that’s not how that works….heck even Wonka says, “Sorry, there is no other way. It’s television, not telephone. 2 totally different things”. He then hands (sorry pun unintended) to the Oompa Loompas and asks them to stretch him back to normal size…

Oh boy can’t wait to see how that turns out….

•Next victim, I meant kid is Veruca Salt, so they head to the room where he has squirrels who break nuts to determine if it’s terrible nuts or good nuts, if it’s a bad nut, the squirrels toss the nuts down a swirl trash bin….ok seriously, why does Wonka have a room filled with squirrels? Why are the squirrels his testers? Why am I asking all these questions!?

So now Wonka sends the Oompa Loompas to go to the trash compactor to retrieve Veruca Salt.

• So Charlie Bucket is left….oh sorry what did u want me to repeat what I said in my Willy Wonka review? Yeah I wish I could do that, no instead Tim Burton decided to alter the 3rd act a lot…so Charlie does win, but Charlie Bucket doesn’t accept the offer….he denies the offer after Wonka gives him a view of the factory in his flying glass elevator (which why would he even own that? What’s the benefit?) (Because also there’s a small running gag that Willy Wonka just keeps smacking into the glass elevator as if he can’t see it like he’s a bird or something, ahh ha ha?).

Sorry, what’s the punchline? Is that supposed to be funny? Oh look Wonka hit into a clear elevator like he’s a bird or something, isn’t that funny? So yall would think this be the end of the film here right? No, I forgot to mention Tim Burton decided to add a completely pointless side plot relating to Wonka’s back story…..yeah sorry what?

So turns out he gets to see why Wonka doesn’t like parents in this film, it’s because get this while he was growing up his dad was a dentist and played by Christopher Lee of all people (dude I hope they paid u well) (also Rest in Peace) anyways he was always strict about Willy ever earing candy…especially on Halloween….also Wonka wore a ginormous brace around his head and mouth…

Get it!!? Because his dad is a dentist! And dentists sure do hate candy! Ok, why does this sound like a stereotype of a dentist? A caricature if u will, rather than a normal dentist? Yeah, this film in some areas aged like milk that’s for sure….

BTW if yall thought this movie didn’t make any sense so far oh don’t worry things are about to make even less sense….so one night his dad tells his son if he leaves now to head to a candy store he won’t be here when he comes back…his son goes to the Candy store but it’s closed unfortunately….Wonka heads back home to see the entire building he was living in is gone…just this narrow empty space in between a long row of other apartment like houses…..

The house just up and vanished! As if it had legs or something! WTF is going on anymore?

Anyway later on after Charlie and his Grandpa leave, if yall wondering why Charlie doesn’t take up this offer it’s because Wonka says his family can’t move into the factory….only Charlie can….wow he is shady…

Wonka ends up bumping into Charlie all because Charlie was doing shoe polishing for some money and the person he was polishing the shoe for was Wonka himself…..Charlie asks what do u have against my parents? He says I don’t have something against ur parents I just have something against parents in general…..

Charlie convinces him they should go look for his dad, to which Wonka agrees and he gets up and says we can take my glass elevator I brought (proceeds to accidentally slam into it) to keep out where I keep that thing eh eh….

Yeah, nice save, that was totally not forced at all, anyways they fly off and locate his dad’s house which is in the middle of a snowy field for some reason…anyways they go up to the house, and his dad answers the door…somehow his dad is still alive and hasn’t aged, sure I guess….

He examines Wonka’s teeth while Charlie looks around at pictures of the guy and his son, the dentist recognizes the guy he’s examining is his son as soon as he checks Wonka’s molars…recognizing they’re the same as his sons….so they have a warm reunion, they hug it out….huh so did the dad miss his son? If so why did he never go visit him?

Anyway the film ends with Wonka going back with Charlie to his home to join them for dinner….run away y’all…run for your lives….

So Wonka joins them at the table to eat food…..the end….overall I do think this is an under-rated movie in my opinion…granted I might be biased because I grew up on this film rather than the OG film….now I will say this film isn’t perfect like at all….but I still recommend this film…..especially if u like Tim Burton movies…

Hope yall enjoyed the review and plz share this with people u know…thanks.