Willys Wonderland: Let’s start off with the trailer shall we?

So where do I even begin with this film well firstly I freaking love this movie its an absolute bizarre movie….bizarre in a good way that is, I mean come on it’s a movie that’s an FNAF ripoff….buts its also an FNAF ripoff with God damn freaking Nicolas Cage….yeah that’s right that right there instantly gives this film some instant brownie points….but that’s not all, they have Nicolas Cage beating up the animatronics heck yes plz show me more now u caught my interest…..I’m all checked in….so without further a due let’s get into the review shall we?

So in this film we have our main character played by Nicolas Cage who plays a silent protagonist….anyways his car breaks down and he needs his car to be fixed…..so he goes to a cat shop where the guy tells him the extent of the damage….and that there town major might have something for him…..so he goes to see the town major who’s name is and I wish that I was kidding but his name is Tex-Mackadoo…..Jesus lord what kind of a name is that? Tex-Mackadoo? Are u kidding me?

Also the way he’s dressed really reminds me of Doug Dimmadome from the Fairly Odd Parents

Anyways he offers him a job as a janitor at this place called Willie’s Wonderland and if he makes it through the night….he will fix his car up make it as brand new and give it to Nicolas Cage…do we have a deal? So they shake on it…..Tex-Mackadoo takes him inside and shows him where the janitor’s closet is and tells him take breaks, it’s good to take breaks….take things ate ur own ease……

So anyways Tex-Mackadoo leaves, locks the place up dun dunn dunn and tries lighting up a cage but his lighter won’t work so he tosses it onto the ground which we see it fall near a garbage can….hmmmm I wonder if that will be important for later? Hmmmmmmm

Anyways shortly while Nicolas Cage is they’re he finds the animatronics on stage and they start singing the birthday song

Its ur birthday! And we want u to have fun! It’s ur birthday! So let’s party everyone! It’s ur birthday! And we want u to have fun! It’s ur birthday! So let’s party everyone!

Sorry I have that song stuck in my head…and so will all u, because its a catchy song…..also heres the animatronics

Anyway he gets to it and starts cleaning up the place…while that happens we get introduced to other main characters……5 disposable teenagers who are at a trailer truck, they’re meeting together to go to Willie’s Wonderland to burn it down….all will make sense later….or not

Anyways back to Nicolas Cage who is still cleaning up…decides to take a break in the break room, where he pulls out a grape soda of some sort, then in the corner he sees a pinball machine covered up, he takes the cover off it and starts playing a game of pinball….oh don’t worry we only see him ever play the pinball game and drink grape soda only uhhh 5 more times at least, guy loves his pinball and grape soda…..anyways he gets back to cleaning then our first animatronic tries attacking him….it’s an ostrich animatronic named Ozzie Ostrich….

Now I want yall to take a guess what does Nicolas Cage do….does he

A. Get scared and run away?

B. Stand there and do nothing

Or

C. Breaks the mop in half and starts beating up the ostrich with the stick?

If yall choose A then what is wrong with yall? Don’t u know what film this is? No instead Nicolas Cage rips his mop in half and starts beating the living shit out of the ostrich robot….whole black oil comes spewing out of it like blood, all over Nicolas Cage then for a final move he rips the ostrich spin out…..ok calm down Mr. Predator, wrong franchise as well…..so then now with him defeating one of the animatronics what does he do? He cleans the living heck out of the place and cleans up the mess…puts on a new shirt, damn he’s really committed to his new job he only had for what now uh few hours? Not even that much?

Oh then he goes to clean up the restroom, where a gorilla animatronic named Gus comes running out of a bathroom stall…..so Nicolas Cage with the power of shaky camera and a plunger is able to defeat the robot….yeah the robot gets in a few insults to Nicolas Cage, he’s unphased and he sticks a plunger on the robots mouth lolo then yanks him to a urinal and smashes his head into it with his foot…..damn Nicolas Cage calm down, and guess what he does after? Easy he cleans up the mess then takes a break where he drinks more grape soda and plays more pinball….ah u know what they say….taking breaks is important to ur lifestyle

So the teens show up and start pouring gasoline around the place but they notice Nicolas Cage is inside….the leader of the group says don’t burn it yet there’s a guy inside, so she goes up the window gets his attention, and tries to tell him he’s in danger and he just walks away…..臘 I guess he’s just so damn committed to this new job he wasn’t even planning on having or wasting his day at……even though he gets attacked by some animatronics

Anyways so now the teens have to find a way into the building, so the girl plans to find a way in while the others stay outside and find a way for her to get out of the building with the janitor……so she finds a way inside and tries to get Nicolas Cages attention but he ain’t listening….he has one mission and that mission is to clean up the entire place…

Also the teenager goes into a forest area of the building where she bumps into a animatronic named Siren Sara…she asks wanna play with me? Which the teenager says not today and tries punching her but she spider crawls up the side of the wall….yikes, then the teenager runs off to try to convince Nicolas Cage again

Then the other bimbo Teens are on the roof looking for a way out…all a sudden the roof caves in they fall into a ball pit…hmm telling from how run down that roof was I guess the whole building isn’t heald up properly…they could just push down a wall or something….

Anyways she notices them and says I thought I said for u guys to stay outside….which they said we did but we fell in, so she tells them to find a way out…..anyways she then tries to go up to the main hall area to the animatronics….tries to stab then then Nicolas Cage shows up and grabs the girl and picks her up….say what now? Why? Nicolas Cage u seen these robots come to life and attack u…why on earth would u stop her from destroying them? This doesn’t make any sense….actually nevermind this never made sense to begin with lolo…

I mean it’s also funny how he stops her, he grabs her arm, put her over his shoulder takes her down to where the other teens are and just leaves her their lolo…..so anyways they leave the room and these 2 teenagers named Bob and Kathy….they find themselves in a room called the happy fun time room, where they start doing sex with each other? Why?????? What??? Why??? Why here? U guys where here to destroy the place and to now save Nicolas Cage….why staft F***king each other at this horrible place that yall hate and fear?

Anyways uhhh take a guess what happens to them? Easy they both get killed by an Alligator animatronic named Arty Alligator

Anyways the other teens try to explain to Nicolas Cage what happened here….that uhh get this the people who where wearing the costumes were cultists ans they murdered children for a Satanic cult, and when the cops got wind of this they broke in but when they got there they found that the cutest have committed a ritual pack suicide….so now they’re souls inhabit the animatronics, an now the cops including the mayor lure in people by promising them to fix they’re car up if they work here….all so the animatronics can feast on those victims….if they do that they will leave the town alone…

Dunn dunnn dunnn, so basically Nicolas Cage was set up into a trap…well this is all making sense, oh also the teenage girl was a baby who survived the slaughter….one of the cop ladies took her in and raised her…..yeah to bad her cop mom is in all this luring….now time to burn down the place right?

Anyways Nicolas Cage calls the cops, they’re heading there….so for now they find Arty Alligator biting down in the 2 victims…so Nicolas Cage beats up the robot, he also bashes in a knight animatronics head in the floor…….

So then they both head to an arcade room where there’s an Chameleon animatronic named Cammy Chameleon……and Nicolas Cage and the teen get into fighting pose about to fight the robot but then all a sudden….hahahahaha Nicolas Cages watch starts beeping, it’s his break time so he hands her the knife and walks away to go drink grape soda and do pinball…..hahahahah I laughed at this scene its so srupid….the fact that he was basically like darn I wish I could help u fight but uhh it’s break time…..lolo. he gave her his knife and left….he gave her his knife and left hahahahah….

Anyways after his break is done and after he does some dancing that Nicolas Cage came up with on the spot and kept it in this film…..he returns and beats the crap out of the Chameleon, damn….anyways they then try to head out the place through the hallway, Nicolas Cage single handedly punches Siren and Tito Turtle who’s wearing a Sombrero and a mustache, onto the ground….nothing can beat the power of Nicolas Cage and his plot armor….but as soon as they get to the door the woman cop shows up aiming a shotgun at them…she forces Nicolas Cage back, and takes her daughter into a police car….

While she’s sitting there in the car Tito Turtle shows up and kills one of the cops and tries to break into the car but the girl gets out of the car takes the shotgun punches Tito in the gut…he fla over and she starts beating him up in the balls ans he keeps saying ahh my balls ahh my balls ahh my balls…..lolo this movie is dumb what is this? Are we supposed to take these cultists seriously? Because I sure as hell ain’t…..

Anyways the cop ties Nicolas Cage hands behind his back, then Siren Sara shows up tries to kill Nicolas Cage…but he somehow gets on top of her, we see her Squirming and Nicolas Cage is somehow on her neck…his nig thighs breaking her neck….yeah I’d like to see how he got onto her neck plz? What did he jump onto her like he’s a frog or something? Lolo…….anyways he ends up quote on quote killing her….u will see what I mean later…….

But for now it’s time for Nicolas Cage to go up against Willy…..but first he has the clean the place up? What? Why now? anyways after he stacks up the chairs on the tables it’s now time to fight against Willy…..but first his watch alarm goes off its break time

So he goes back on his damn break, drinks the God damn freaking same grape soda and plays more of the same pinball game again!! Then after that he finally goes and fights Willy…a finale showdown to the death….and u can tell its the final boss fight because Nicolas Cage is struggling against Willy….heck Willy manages to injure Nicolas Cage a little bit….but then eventually Nicolas Cage gets the upper hand and beats up Willy and kills him….so therefore happy ending

Nicolas Cage and the teenage girl is still alive, so they head out and leave….if ur wondering how? Easy with his car….turns out Tex-Mackadoo fixed it up so he can keep it but Nicolas Cage takes it back from them…..so they head out, all while Tex-Mackadoo sits in his car trying to smoke a cigar and guess who shows up? Siren Sara….with his jaw looking bit more messed up…

Anyways she has the lighter that Tex-Mackadoo tossed on the ground at the beginning of this film….I knew it would become important again in this film!! Anyways she turns on the lighter and the car explodes for some reason…..which blows up Tex-Mackadoo, the car and Siren Sara as well…so is that all the animatronics? Oh wait there’s Tito Turtle who Nicolas Cage spots walking on the road so he runs into Tito Turtle who bursts into pieces…..wow that was a useless animatronic if u ask me….

Honestly in my opinion this is a horrible film, now don’t get me wrong that doesn’t mean I hate the film…no far from it in fact i love this film…it’s so over the top bat shite insane….I think the major thing that helps this film out is the fact that Nicolas Cage is in this film….and he instantly makes a film better even if it’s a crappy film or not…this film is riddled with a flimsy script, lazy writing horid dialog….but I cannot deny I absolutely had a blast watching Nicolas Cage beating the living shit out of some animatronics…..so for this rating I’ll be giving 2 separate ratings

As a good movie that makes sense? Yeah no sorry it gets a 1/10 In that department

But as a over the top bizarre fever dream? Hells yeah this film gets a solid 10/10 in that department

So take that as u will….I recommend Willys Wonderland….especially if yall are high or drunk…..anyways take care hope yall enjoy the review