Fast and The Furious X: oh jeepers ok let’s start off with the trailers

Since this is a Universal film, Y’all know what that means? Cue the Universal Logo!

Ok let’s just get into the review….oh wait there’s something I wanna mention first dangit, Vin Diesel recently said this film is gonna be a 3 parter instead of a 2 parter…. that’s right Fast X was gonna be a 2 parter which was already 2 much… hehe heh ok that was a bad pun sighhh, but now it’s 3 parts? Yeah no I’m fine I don’t think I have that much of an interest in Fast and Furious to stick around for a 3 parter….especially since the Villian they choose to play the final villain I don’t think warrants enough of a good motivation to last 3 films let alone 2…..but I’ll get to that in a bit….so anyways let’s get into this review shall we?

So the way this film starts is by slightly doing a retcon to Fast 5…..yeah let me explain So we get the opening of Fast 5 where Dominic and Paul Walker are yanking a safe out of a wall of a crime Lord’s bank…..but where the small retcon comes in where they introduce the crime Lord’s son that was never brought up before….named Dante played by Jadon Mamoa, yeah Aquaman is playing the villain….whoopie freaking dew….so anyways that day they stole the safe drove it across the streets which the crime Lord follows along so does Mamoa in another car….anyways his car gets smacked by the safe into the water and Dominic and Paul jump out there car and there car smashes into the father’s car killing him……wait wait hold up that’s wrong they got it wronf…..luckily they didn’t retcon that, it gets saved for later in the end credits scene so I won’t mention the thing here……but anyway that day Dante has lost his dad and business and money…..

Yeah keep in mind this is supposed to be the main baddie for the next 3 films……his motivation is Vin u killed my dad so prepare to kill u and ur family but not before I ruin everything u have first…..yeah Thanos this guy is not…..meaning he’s not compelling enough for me to give any shites about him to warrant 3 films…..sighhh……so anyways the plot starts when our gang is having a meal together but afterwards 3 of them are heading to Rome to do a mission for the government…..sigh I wish I could have gone to Rome this year as I was originally gonna to…..sighhh, but that night Cipher comes to Dominic house all injured asking them to hear her out….she said she met the devil, which is disappointing because she thought she was the most evillist…….she met Dante, he came seeking her for her men to help him take down Dom and his family…..btw take a guess how he convinces them? By uhh having the guards look at their phones, showing them he has their wife’s held captive and if they don’t do what he says he will kill they’re wife’s so they turn on Cipher, anyways she barley escapes, she gets shot and Dante and his new men leave with a computer Cipher owned that allowed her to locate people if she wants….uh oh

So next day the government comes and they ask if her story checks out they say it does, they ask Dom where the others…..he says there in Rome doing a mission for yall and the government says we don’t have a mission in Rome…….dun dun dunn it’s a trap, so Dominic and Terry and government man heads to Rome to locate Roman, Hans, and Tej and Ramsey…..who are trying to break into a truck that’s on the move because this truck supposedly has a hard drive in it that’s what they where told…..

Now how did they get to Rome that quickly to save the group even though a flight to Rome is 10 hours is beyond me, so let’s call it the power of teleportation.

So Tej and Ramsey jump on the truck go inside and find out there’s no hard drive it’s a big giant ball-sized bomb instead uh oh and the truck starts steering by itself….yes Dante has taken full control of the truck, and the scene that comes next that I’m gonna describe is completely stupid, let’s put it this way I think Vin Diesel played to much Rocket League during the pandemic because uh well the bomb comes rolling out the truck and starts rolling down the streets and Vin starts following it….tries pushing it around as if this is a Rocket League game, because sure why not at this point…..

BTW the line Dante says next is just dumb…..so he’s navigating the bomb and he says to his 2 men “so what shall we blow up? Oh the Vatican…..uhhh I can do that, but u both are going to hell” sighhhhh ok look I’m all for crappy puns but that one was just really bad…..anyways so while Terry is chasing down Dante on a motorcycle and him curing at her in Italian with Italian slurs oh and blowing her the raspberry…..our villain ladies and gentlemen, he’s so childish to the point through this film he is throwing people the raspberry in this film….good grief who wrote the script for this film?….then the cops chase Terry down for some reason idk why, and Dominic is trying to play Rocket League with the bomb to knock it into the river before it hits the Vatican

So guess what Vin Diesel does? And this is one of the 3 dumbest scenes, yeah only 3…..which I wanna quickly mention that kinda disappointed me, as I said I go see these films to see how the next film is gonna top the last film in its stupidity, but this film feels tamed down in comparison to the last film…..but here’s the dumb scene so Vin I mean Dominic jumps the car off a ramp, into a crane, knocking it side Ways to knock the bomb into the river which also spins Vins car all the way around backwards into a wall and he Landa perfectly with no scratch yeah get the F***k out of here but the bomb sets off killing people and destroying buildings so now the gang are the most wanted they’ve been framed….uh oh so Terry gets taken in whole Dominic escapes and the there’s escape through a sewer…..also there’s a new cop dude who I like to call General douchebag I’ll explain why later, but he ain’t listening to reasoning….the other people in the government are saying they’ve helped us out and he says so then they deserve leeway? Nah their criminals were taken them out….so yeah General douchebag plus he has douchebag hair….he has the same hairstyle as Percival Graves from Fantastic Beasts 1, the shaved on the sides combed back hair style….it seems so far anyone in Hollywood in films or shows has that hair style ur secretly a bad guy….oops spoiler alert actually who cares but I’ll get to that later but for now all u need to know is now the cops are after Dom and the family uh oh….

So now Dom is on the run and guess who finds him at a bar? Mr. Nobody’s daughter played by Bri Larson….he asks her to break out Terry so she goes to break Terry out of the most dangerous and highly protective prison as a favor….so she goes pays Terry a visit, she then makes it look like Terry is fighting her so the guards come in and deal with her also she stabs Terry so they take her to the infirmary to heal her to get her out of the cell ohhh hoe clever….anyways the gang get out of the sewer and now need a plan to get guns because they’re wanted by the cops oh and all there money has been deposited out of there banks somehow uhh ohh so they have no money but luckily for them, Roman is caring packs of money under his jacket for uhh some reason….yeah idk why either, he decides to hand them some money and I love what he tells Tej he says to make sure to get a receipt for what u pay for…….lolo also throughout this film Roman calls himself leader because he’s delusional…..

Luckily Ramsey has a plan she knows a hacker who can get them guns so she takes them to an old building where the hackers work at and this scene had me laughing so Tej went to the vending machine and Roman says remember to get a receipt from that….which Tej says it’s a vending machine, there is no recept….and Roman says figure it out…..lololo, then they ask the desk guy to get them guns, they pay him in cash while Han is eating Mariana muffins lololo, also the guy they hand money the money too is trying to contact the police they are here because the bounty is so high he wants the money so they leave empty-handed

But Hans has a backup plan, which we will get to very soon but firstly, Dominic Toretto goes back to the hood where all the racing started in the series….so he goes there where he finds Dante there giving away money, he then has half the hood aim guns at Dom while the other half stand with Dom and aim guns at Dante and the others…..so Dante challenges Dom to a race if he wins he can arrest Dante but if Dom loses then well don’t lose he says….

So they get into their cars, 2 others join the race….a woman and one of Dominic’s friend joins the race, so they all 4 start racing and as soon as the other 2 start getting closer to the final line…Dante activates bombs on the bottom of there cars and tells Dom u have a choice between both of them choose who u r gonna save…..btw can I just point out that by this point I was getting board, because I just don’t really care about this villian at all, don’t care for his motivations…..getting kinda tired of this franchise and also I feel like this film is slightly tamer then Fast 9….also most importantly the film tries telling us oh there’s steaks but the issue is I don’t feel it because no one dies in Fast and Furious anymore….death in this franchise is a joke, if someone died in several movies ago u better damn be certain they will be back in another film….so exactly what steaks am I supposed to feel when the main characters are basically immortal?

So anyways Dom saves the woman, then he takes her to her home……he reveals he knew who she was, she’s the sister of his wife who died in Fast 8…..aww man, she then decides to show him files on Dante, let’s just say he’s a looney like completely loony……so he takes that info and wants to go after him….while this happens the FBI head to Kidnapp Doms son and sister but guess who shows up? Jakob shows up and saves them…..which of course leads to mindless violence, as in Jakob tosses a guy through 2 stories in the house which I call bullshite on…

Anyways so Jakob takes Dom’s son to the airport to get him to the place Dom wants them to go to, anyways so if ur wondering what Hans backup plan is? It’s to go pay Shaw a visit to ask him for help so they go ask him…but he shows up to Shaw who’s now living in a small apartment building and instead of Shaw wanting to help he just assumes Hans is there for revenge so he attacks him….but then the FBI show up so they both take them down while the others try getting into the building….

Anyways so they get into the building after getting rid of the FBI, they ask Shaw why a random man just came out of a body bag….yeah why? And well while this happens Terry wakes up in the med room getting healed with a Lazer because sure why not….she wakes up near Cipher because guess we just need to toss everyone into this film….she’s here to help Letty escape but Letty hates her so they fight but then 15 min later she just follows Ciphers plan to escape….yeah ok at this point I don’t care plz can the movie end…

If this isn’t weird enough we see Dante in the backyard of A house talking to 2 corpses holding Margaritas with their mouth and eyeballs taped open…..yeah ok yep Dante is nuts we get it….and once again I don’t care because I don’t buy he’s nuts….I buy he’s forcing to be nuts….oh and he’s painting the toenails of the corpse just because….then he ends the conversation by saying me casa su casa anyways yall finish the drinks and someone will come burry u eventually……oh ha ha ha

Oh back to Hans and the group Shaw tells them the guns aren’t for free then Tej makes a joke to Roman saying love if u ask to get a receipt from this guy…….oh ha ha ha…..so then they go on his computer and find our the government is now after anyone who helped them including Shaws mother so Shaw takes all the guns and heads out and that’s all we get of Shaw in this film….a 5 min cameo, hope that was enough for yall because that’s all we get….he just basically says duces I out of here

Anyways back to Jakob and kid they make it to the airport and bump into Debby Ryan in a Blink u will miss it cameo because? Idk just because also Jakob is caring a Canoe in his hand but it’s not a Canoe we will get to that soon btw I wanna take the moment to talk about how Jakob’s personality change from the last film is completely out of left field….we’re in the last film he was all serious, here he’s just playing gold old jolly John Cena making quippy jokes and one-liners……sighhhh

So they get onto a plane, but the FBI follow them so they have a waitress give him secretly some alcohol for fuel then they go into the baggage area of the plane open up the canoe bag which turns out its a small jet plane they get into and fuel up with the alcohol…..yeah he just carried a small plane yet into a airport with one hand that can fit 2 people in it….don’t ask

So anyways they fly on down to the safe zone while waiting for Dom to show up, but uh oh the FEDS and General Douchebag shows up to arrest Dom and take him in after he raids Dantes small home where he has every information on him and his family….yeah clearly Dante is nuts…..so on the ride he’s trying to tell the cop dude who the real threat is but he ain’t listening…..so he buckles up and holds on because he knows what’s coming next, and all a sudden an explosion happens and the FBI truck falls sideways so now they get out of the truck and starts shooting Dantes men…….then Dante pulls out and reveals he has Kidnapped that woman who Dom saved earlier uh oh….

Bur fortunately for Dom the cop dude decides to listen to Dom and he says Dom I’m now listening….then he hands him a gun, so now they have the upper hand until Dante aims a gun at the woman’s head to threaten Dom to put his gun down….but then Bri Larson shows up behind Dante so he then puts down his gun but then a helicopter comes out of nowhere saving Dante then he reveals he knows where his son is and he’s going after him uh oh….then his men shoots Bri Larson and cop dude……

But luckily for Bri the woman takes her to the hospital then the cop dude gets up and says I’m not gonna apologize but I will do u one better…..let’s go get ur son back……yayyyyy, so they head to wave his son…..btw Jakob and Doms son escape in a prototype car Jakob has made which has Rocket’s on the sides…..woooo cool, so they can escape from Dantes men who have entered, so now there driving away from Dantes men……while shooting Rocket’s at there cars….

So then in the tunnel, one of the Rocket gets stuck so Dom’s son crawls onto the roof to fix the rocket which gives Dante the chance to grab Dom’s son uh oh so now Dom has to come on down….luckily on the other side of the tunnel the airplane comes down and Dom jumps out of the back in his car……then I kid u not we get another dumb scene what is this the 3rd dumbest scene in this film? So 2 helicopters come and attach cables to Dom’s car but he gets the upper hand and jumps onto the lower part of the road which causes both helicopters to crash into each other then he uses those helicopters attached to his cars as wrecking balls to kill the enemy…..uh huh sure, physics what’s that? Anyways so then Dom has his son jump out of Dantes’s car into his…….father of the year huh?

So anyways he nudges Dantes car off s cliff don’t know why he didn’t just finish him off here and then…..anyways Jakob sacrifices himself by throwing his car into the enemies cars then launching a missile to explode them…..oh no what ever we gonna do without John Cena….it’s not like he has a possibility of coming back in the next film, since no one in Fast and Furious dies….it’s become a joke at this point, so again what tension am I supposed to feel? Because instead of me saying oh no not John Cena…..my reaction was more like eh he will come back….besides they brought back Hans from the dead…..so anyways General douchebag contacts Dom and says for him to meet him at a landed platform near by where he landed the plane so he starts driving towards the area which is past a damn….

But once he gets to the damn, 2 trucks come from each side blocking Dom….then Dante shows up on a cliff saying u pushed my car off a cliff ouch, but my plans are not over yet I got one more plan up my sleeve…..then all a sudden a airplane comes out of nowhere which has Hans and Tej and Ramsey and Roman on board they say they’re here to rescue Dom but Dom says no its a trap than a missile comes out of nowhere hitting the jet making it crash into the woods exploding….oh no there dead except knowing this series they’re not because once again this series and pusics and death have left this series multiple movies ago….and take a guess who launched the missile? It’s general Douchebag, he reveals he’s been working for Dante all along….dunnn dunn dunnn, what a twist

Expect this has got to be one of the worst twists I’ve ever seen, word of advice to any script writers who want to write a plot twist secret villian, u don’t make them an unlikable douchebag at first then have a 180 degree turn and then change sides for all of 10 min total just to then reveal oh no wait I’m secretly a bigger douchebag…thats not a twist, we the audience didn’t care dor him in the first place, so what shock value did u want us to have? Here’s how he should have been written into the script….

The FBI is after Dom and his family but this one specific cop knows Dom and his family are innocent so he tries to go save them, throughout the film he tries to locate Dom and his family before the FBI do…but then at the end when it seems the coast is clear he reveals he’s been working for Dante this entire time….see that’s how u do a plot twist, not make him a unlikable douchebag at first then have him change sides for all of 10 min just to then reveal to the audience oh wait no what a shocker…the douchebag character is secretly a douchebag? Wow u don’t say…..awesome wort script writers….I feel like I could have written up a better script….

So anyways it’s revealed that douchebag was with Dante since day one the day his dad died…..dun dun dun, then they both send the 2 trucks to implode on Doms car but instead Dom drives the car off the damn straight downwards without flying off the damn…..nope just gently driving off the damn while a big explosion is happening behind him, once again BULLSHITE!!…..so anyways they crash land into the river they get out then Dante reveals there are bombs in the damn and as soon as they’re about to blow up the film cuts off and we go back to Terry and Cipher where Cipher and Terry are walking through the snow and they come upon a submarine being piloted by Gal Gadot…….yeah her character is back, her character died several movies ago by falling out of a plane with no parachute on, and they weren’t over water so….uh how’s she’s alive is beyond me….and this just keeps adding into my beliefs that….death? What’s that? Clearly that’s not a thing in this series anymore, also when they said they where bringing back every character they clearly meant everyone….

And before I get into the final end credits scene I quickly wanna mention my overall Problem with this cliffhanger……it’s not a good cliffhanger, because nothing feels like it was resolved…..take infinite war for example, where yes that ended on a cliffhanger but the plot of that film felt complete it felt resolved….for that arc but endgame was a new arc yet to come…..here it just feels like to me they had a 300 something page script and asked Vin to sit with them and they will flip the pages and let Vin point at the page where the film will end and about ehhh little over 150 pages Vin stomps his ginger on the script and says there….thats where we end this film….and they just ended it….yeah nothing really feels resolved, nothing really leads to the ending….it just feels like the film stops…..once again not like infinite war where the film legitimately had a good cliffhanger to end on, where that arcs resolution was resolved…..even if it was for the worst, but here nope the film basically was like ok that’s all for today folks….plz come next time to finish the story….what no I am good, why would I do that? When u didn’t really give me any interest in wanting to stick around for 2 more sequels….let alone one more…..ughhh

So anyways in the end credits we get one more stinger, so in the end credits scene we get the FBI rading a building…..and one of them picks up a phone that’s ringing and it’s Dante on the other end saying Dom might have drove the vehicle that killed my dad but ur the one who pulled the trigger…..so I’m coming after u, then the guy takes his helmet off revealing to be Hobbs and he says come get me who ever u r……ohhhhhh, Hobbs is back……which baffles me because I thought him and Vin had some beef against each other behind the scenes? Oh well, guess money talks, so anyways yeah Hobbs is back and it looks like they kept how Dante’s father died intact and didn’t retcon it….thank the lord, not like I care…..

So anyways the end until next time….oh jeepers yeah if yall couldn’t tell already, I hated this film……truly I consider this one of the worst Fast and Furious films….not because it’s so dumb that logic and physics left the room no it’s bad because the film just felt kinda bland to me…..and the stakes, oh wait what stakes yeah I didn’t feel any because as I keep saying these main characters are no longer characters they are just invincible caricatures of there previous selves….good grief I don’t think I wanna stick around for part 2 and 3, no thanks u

Im giving this film is a solid 4.8/10