Star Wars Caravan of Courage: so firstly I wanna clarify that yes I am indeed reviewing this……the Ewok specials…..ain’t nothing special about them ill tell u that much……ain’t nothing special about them at all, anyways let’s get into the so-called plot of this straight to TV movie

So in this film? We get our main character a father a mother and a small daughter and the older brother or son crash land on Endor…….where once they crash land, the kid’s parents get Kidnapped by a giant called the Gore Axe……and let me just get this out of the way this film is a complete and utter snooze fest….I mean seriously u would think with a premise like that we’d be in for a banger of a film…..but nope, u want to know the extent of the entertainment value in this film? 2 Ewoks fighting each other for fun…..yep there’s a scene of 2 Ewoks fighting for fun and that’s the entertainment value for this film because besides that the rest of this film is a drag…..jeepers were in for a doozy huh?

Anyways I also I wanna quickly mention that the kid actor who plays the girl isn’t terrible, she isn’t great but she’s not the worst….but her brother, ohhhh dear lord no no no whoever they got to play her brother he cannot act worth a damn…..idk what it is but some of his reaction scenes are delayed as in someone will do something stupid he then stares at the distance for 4 seconds then looks at the Ewok who did something stupid for 3 seconds then he starts yelling……ok im no expert in filming but I feel like that acting right there would be the perfect time to call cut and retake….but nah guess we don’t have time for remakes…..and if this was a retake then ehhhhhhh I don’t wanna know how bad the other takes where like for them to say this was the best take…..because I’m sorry this was the beat take?

Anyways so our 2 kids recruit the help of Wicket the Ewok and a few other Ewoks to save their parents……..so they head on an adventure….oh wait sorry I hesitate to call this an adventure because that would imply this is gonna be interesting……trust me it ain’t interesting…..we do get a scene where they run away from a giant animal, that’s the only adventure like scene then we get 5 min of Ewoks teaching the boy kid to throw an axe at a tree…..how thrilling sighhhh…..oh if that didn’t sound exciting enough we do get a scene of the little girl trying to describe to Wicket how they got there…..yall decide if this sounds interesting to u at all or not

Girl: we got here in our star cruiser

Wicket: star cruiser? Ehhhh ehhh star cruiser (mimics hand movement)

Girl: then it crashed

Wicket: creshed?

Girl: crashed

Wicket: creshed? Creshed, star cruiser creshed

Girl: yeah that’s it, don’t u have a star cruiser

Wicket: star cruiser? Hmmm

Ohhhhhh boy is anyone thrilled yet by that? Anyways also another Ewok who is magical hands a rock to one of these kids and it turns into a mouse…..what the? Yeah, don’t ask me to make any sense of that……I can’t, even though this film has narration to help explain things to the audience if there confused…..yet the narration doesn’t explain this……..so then the narrator isn’t really helpful then…..hmmmm, then the boy looks at himself in a river and somehow gets sucked into the river……then a random girl gets taken away by a monster and Wicket and the others try to go save her……if it seems like I’m just describing a series of events that don’t connect together? Well, for u see that’s because I am!! This is the freaking movie!! It’s like they’re trying to figure out way stretch out this film besides making be about main characters walking!! Because that’s what this film is its just our main characters walking and doing nothing!! It’s like Lord of the Rings except empty and soulless!!

Sighhh moving on So I don’t lose any more of my sanity than I already have by watching these 2 Ewok specials…..so what do we have next? Well then a Tinkerbell comes flying down, and then a group of Tinkerbells comes flying down….the girl puts her lamp down, and the Tinkerbells fly to it and turn into one Tinkerbell? What is exactly going on here? There’s a narrator in this film!! He should be making these things clear!! But he ain’t!! Also is this what being on acid feels like? Because I’m starting to think the scriptwriters were all on acid while trying to write this script or make sense of it….oh wait sorry there’s no making of any of this!!

So at the end of the film they locate the parents……hurray, they must fight the Gore Axe, the monster kills one of the Ewoks, which is unfortunate for us and the boy kid because he has to try to act like he’s sad….and we have to bear witness to his terrible acting…..yayyyy …..so then another Ewok uses his magical staff to drop a rock on top of the Gore Axe head, he falls off into an abyss that’s the big climax of this film….I I just don’t care anymore I want this to be over……and our main characters stay on Endor because I guess why not am I right? The End Jeepers this was such a chore to get through…..besides the 2 Ewoks fighting and an Ewok dying I got no enjoyment from this film….because everything else is just pointless filler that doesn’t make any sense…….to somewhat quote Wicket, this film “Creshed” horribly……I’m gonna give this straight to TV movie a solid 1/10….it’s on Disney plus plz skip this special at all costs, anyways see yall in the next Ewok special….oh lord give me mercy and strength