Star Trek Beyond: before I get too far let’s start off with the trailers shall we

Secondly I wanna quickly mention that this film was written and directed by JJ Abrams instead he’s co-director….yayyy finally also, unfortunately, unfortunately this film is Anton Yelchin’s last role because unfortunately shortly after this film was released the actor passed away in a freak car accident involved him getting out of his car, thinking he had the car park but he didn’t unfortunately and the car rolled down straight into him pining him against his wall….so he got crushed to death btw he was only 27 years old….. unfortunately, we lost him….he was young as well…..so may he rest in peace I thought I’d point that out to anyone who didn’t know that and so I can pay respect to that actor……anyways let’s get into this film shall we

So in this movie, Jim Kirk’s birthday is about to come up, and he’s struggling with coming to terms with if he can live up to his father and where he fits in the federation…..also McCoy has a drink of alcohol that night to help calm his nerves…..huhhhh doesn’t this sound all to familiar? Like idk ummmm straight from Wrath of Khan? Sighhh here we go again lolo also Kirk says this might be his last time as captain of the USS Enterprise…..awww man

Anyways our team takes a stop at Yorktown, the Federation’s newest and most advanced Starbase, where Spock and Uhura break up, once again relationship issues with them for the umpteenth time how derivating…..anyways McCoy comes up and I just laugh all the time at there dialog together heres the dialog

McCoy: u guys just broke up? What u do?

Spock: I don’t see how this question is necessary doctor?

McCoy: u know Spock when a earth girl tells u that it’s not u its me…..it’s definitely u

Lolololololololi

Also, we get a glimpse of Sulu reuniting with his daughter and his husband….yes Sulu in this film is Gay……before anyone says so what? I would like to say that I agree….the only reason I point it out is because I sat there and wondered huh So did they make Sulu in this film gay as a reference to the actor who played the original Sulu being gay in real life? If so then well done that’s a nice reference…..

Also Spock finds out from someone that ambassador Spock has died…..and he sent him some stuff in his will….if ur wondering why is ambassador Spock dead? Well because Leonard Nimoy passed away shortly before the film started being well filmed…..so there’s that, so this is a nice send off to Leonard Nimoy…..rest in peace

Anyways Kirk also gets offered to become Lieutenant, nice offer…..anyways so a female alien teleports on board the Enterprise and asks for the team’s help…..her planet in the outer rim got attacked by something she says…..anyways so they take her to the outer rim area she told them about and guess what happens there? A freaking ambush…..a swarm of thousands of small ships come swarming together like a school of fish…..and they start piercing through the Enterprise’s neck….yeah this fleet of enemies is the only star trek baddies that found a way to destroy the Enterprise…..so then most of the enemies ship break into the enterprise where a group of aliens comes out of it lead by an alien named Krall…..keep him in mind for later, anyways he and his team are there for a doohicky that Kirk tried to give to a tribe of aliens at the beginning of the film as a piece offering…..plz keep this doohicky in mind and yes I did in fact just say doohicky…..

Anyway Kirk and his men barley escape Krall and his men…when I say that I literally mean that Kirk encounters Krall and it seems Krall been watching an eye on Kirk for a while because he knows who Kirk is he says, James Tiberius Kirk….uh oh I wonder how he knows that? Anyways he fails to get the doohicky, the Enterprise gets cut by the neck the ship starts falling into orbit so Kirk and his men get into escape pods and land on the planet btw here’s the clip of the Enterprise officially dying

Ouch that hurts….anyways if yall wondering where our characters land….well Kirk and Chekov and the alien lady land together in a forest, Spock and McCoy land together somewhere also Spock is injured he got a pipe lodged in him uhh ohhh luckily for him he has a doctor with him…talk about convenience, Scotty lands alone well i mean he crashes in fact he grabs on the edge of a cliff because he’s about to fall off….but then some scavengers come to attack him bur a new alien chick named Jallah comes and saves him….she offers If he helps her fix something she’ll help find his friends he says he needs to find….sure o guess that’s a deal to make btw I like the way she says Scotty name

Jallah: what’s ur name?

Scotty: Montgomery Scotty

Jallah: come now, Montgomery Scott

Scotty: it’s actually Scotty

Jallah: come now, Montgomery Scotty

Lololo….also If ur wondering where the rest of the crew including Uhura and Sulu is? Well there been kidnapped by Krall and his men they been taken to his base because he wants the doohicky so he must question them about where it is………anyways Krall asks in English what is Uhura’s name and she wonders wait how do u understand English? Which yeah how do they? Especially since when they where on the Enterprise they were speaking alien languages only…..huh that’s strange, anyways she says Uhura and she says oue captain will come to save us and I like Kralls reaction “I am counting on it, Lieutenant Uhura” ohhhhhh so anyways Kirk and Chekov have the alien take them back to the ship because she tells them his crew must still be there…..some reason he believes that so once they get there, of course, of course she betrays them luckily the ship falls straight on her and both men get out of the shop yayyy……so now they have to go find the crew then get off this rock…..

Anyways so Spock and McCoy are having a moment, he pulls the pipe out of Spock by heating up a piece of metal with a laser gun so he can heal it…….ouch, anyways they head on also they take a break where Spock opens up to McCoy about ambassador Spock has died and how he feels sad…..thats sweet……

Moving on So Krall has Uhura and Sulu watch while Krall uses a machine that basically gives immortality but it requires him to absorb energy from people so he has 2 men hung over which he absorbed them to death also we see a quick glimpse of his head changing shapes….huhhhh? That’s strange

Anyway so as Kirk and Chekov are just walking they accidentally stumble into a trap where some sensors go off releasing some kinda crystal dust substances that freezes both them in place then we see Scotty and Jallah fixing technology in her house which is an abandoned ship hmmm wonder if that will become important for later but anyways she’s listening to this music

We gotta fight the powers that be, fight the power, fight the power, fight the power

BTW I love Scotty’s reaction “is that music? Where’s that coming from?” “I plugged in that little box thing into the main frame and it started making loud noises” “impressive, I mean music is a bit old fashion for my liking not to mention a tad bit wee loud and distracting but cool nonetheless”…..and I think Jallah just came up with an original phrase “I like the beats and shouting”

Lololo anyways she hears her trap alarms going off so they go outside, Scotty asks her to release them because those 2 are his friends so she releases them, then Scotty shows them the ship he mentions the ship is called the USS Franklin…..earth’s very own ship to have warp speed….so that means the ship is old like very old centuries old….oh and the ship was run by a respected war hero name Balthazar Edison (Played by Idris Elba) along with his crew of mates, also they went missing but there’s no confirmation on what happened to them……hmmmmm I wonder if this will be any of importance for later at all hmmmmmm?

Anyway so they try to come up with a plan to teleport Spock and McCoy on board…..where we see both of them being cornered by Kralls ships and I love this dialog from McCoy “Well at least I won’t die alone” Then all a sudden Spock starts being teleported away and McCoy looks behind him and sees no one so he says “well that’s just typical ” lololo then he gets teleported onto the ship…..so now with most of the crew on board they repair spocks injuries with some old medical tech…..so after a speedy recovery they must now decide how to save the rest of the crew from Kralls and his men……and I absolutely love this dialog that happens between Spock and McCoy

Spock: Mr. Chekov can u search for this mineral that’s Vokaya a mineral that’s unique to Vulcan that emits low-level radiation

Chekov: I will have to filter out all other energy emissions

McCoy: Spock what the hell would a Vulcan mineral be doing wat out here?

Kirk: where u going with this?

Spock: Lieutenant Uhura wears a Vokaya amulet which I presented to her as a token of my affection and respect.

McCoy: u gave ur girlfriend a radioactive jewelry?

Spock: the emission is harmless, doctor. But it’s unique signature makes it very easy to identify.

McCoy: u gave ur girlfriend a tracking device.

“Evedyone in room looks at spock”

Spock: that was not my intention

McCoy: I’m glad he doesn’t respect me

Lololo yeah no seriously that’s kinda creepy giving ur loved one what’s blatantly a tracking device as a token of respect……jeez anyways also turns out Jallah knows the location and everything about Kralls base but she refuses to go back but Scotty and Kirk convince her so she shows them a display of Kralls base so they determine they need a distraction while the others save the rest of the group which Kirk and Jallah Come up with one

Anyway so back to Krall he is getting frustrated about no one telling him where the second piece of the weapon is so he grabs Sulu and threatens to kill him but then a random Enterprise crew member steps up and opens up the back of her head revealing the second piece was inside the back of her head…..yikes, so now Krall has both pieces which he puts together uh oh so now he has thus weapon

Anyways he explains what the doohicky is……essentially its 1 singular weapon that was way to strong because it was used to vaporize humans it could spread in a big mile radius killing most of humanity so the federation broke the weapon into 2 pieces and ditched each piece somewhere deep in space, Kralls plan is to use this weapon to destroy most of the federation uh oh……so then he uses the weapon to kill off the chick who gave him the second piece, how rude

Anyway then Kirk comes riding in on a motorcycle which btw is epic so he’s using holograms to duplicate himself to throw of Krall and his men for a loop while Spock and McCoy and  Jallah sneak behind and start beaming them up one by one onto the USS Franklin which Scotty is controlling the Teleportation room so anyways Jallah gets on top of a building starts  fighting off Kralls men while Krall and the rest of his men head to their ships to go head to Yorktown to execute there plan uh oh……so the last 2 people that have to be teleported are Kirk and Jallah, so Kirk launches the bike up to her grabs her hand mid-air and they both get teleported on board just at the neck of time

So now with everyone on board, they have to get off this planet but unfortunately, they see Krall and his men in their ships swarming together off the planet like a swarm of locusts yikes…..so now the gang has to head to Yorktown to warn them of Krall’s attack on them but how do they take off since get this……the USS Franklin doesn’t launch off like typical Enterprise ships, because this ship is outdated it requires to launch off by having some kinda speed…..think of it like an airplane, they need some velocity and speed to take off……think of it like that…..so now they decide to nudge the ship off the cliff to get velocity and momentum…..so they fall off then take off yayyyy

So they make it to Yorktown but they see that Krall and his Men are already there shooting at the shield protecting the people in the town uh oh so they come up with a plan to destroy the ships, which they come up with the idea to send one of their men on board one of those ships to hack into it to let them know what their weakness is and to allow them to attach their weakness into there mainframe, so Spock says he will go on board which he says I know that I was just healed up recently but what if I bring someone with me who can keep an eye on my vitals…..which Kirk says he’s gonna love this which I love this dialog next

McCoy: u want me to do what!?

Kirk: I just need u to go on board with Spock to hack into one of their ships

McCoy: hey hey woah woah u green-blooded creature this was ur idea, remind me next time u get a metal pipe lodged in u…to find someone else to save u

Kirk: u got this

McCoy: dammit Jim I’m a doctor, not a *bleep*

Lolololo so they get teleported onto the ship and hack into the ship which they find out that there weakness is loud noises it will blow up the enemies ships so the crew decides to blast some music out of there boom box and send it into the enemies mainframe to disrupt them guess which music they pick? That’s right Beastie Boys Sabotage……yeah u heard that right anyways here’s the clip

How do I even describe this scene well it’s so absurdly stupid yet awesome I mean seriously the USS Franklin is surfing over a giant swarm of ships blowing up into flames one by one while playing the music Sabotage……lolo, honestly as I said epic yet stupid so anyways the USS Franklin enters Yorktown along with Krall which they crash the ship on top of Kralls ship yayyy but unfortunately he ain’t dead awww man……anyways Kirk and Uhura go to the lower decks of the ship where they find crew mates dead like been sucked dried to the bones, which means Krall was here….and if u guys want a plot twist? Well here it goes so they pass by a recording of Edison and his men….Uhura starts rewinding the footage until it lands on Edison and she points it out that Krall is Edison, reason she says that is because earlier when he was absorbing 2 of there men she saw a small glimpse of his head turn into Edison

So that’s right, Krall is Edison….dunnn dunnn dunnnnn…..anyways Kirk says this to Scotty over the communication call

Kirk: Scotty I want u to pull up everything u can on Balthazar Edison

Scotty: what the captain of the USS Franklin? He’d be long dead

Kirk: no he is not, idk how but Edison is Krall

Anyway if ur wondering what info he pulls up we’ll let me summarize it up…..his files go back hundreds of years before the federation they know was made….he was a war hero, but the federation isn’t a war federation anymore……are u guys figuring out where I’m going with this….oh and they pull up recordings of his final uhhh blogs of him stranded on the planet which he says that the federation has left them they don’t care about them….wow that’s bad, oh and the planet they crashed on has mining machine that was left behind decades ago the machine can help prolong death…..basically make u immortal….then Edison ends his blog on an eerie note “u may never see me again, but if u do, be ready” dunn dunn dunn

So now they have to stop Krall from using the weapon…..reason he’s not activated it yet because he needs to get to a high point to use it so Kirk comes up with a plan to go stop Edison himself while Scotty and Jallah go and try to head to the command station to open up air valve to suck Edison and his weapon out into space…..but uh oh there’s lots of protection protocols for them to open it….wow no kidding? U mean to say it’s hard to open up the thing basically protecting the humans from being sucked out into space? Who would have thunk anyways here’s the clip to the end fight scene

As u can see Kirk gets to Edison where he tells Kirk that he misses being him, that they lost themselves but gained a purpose….to bring back  the struggle that made humanity strong…..jeepers so essentially this guy is an ageless homicidal boomer who can’t get his head out of the past and refuses to adapt and change to fit the times, yeah his morals are F***ked up anyways they begin to fight then that start flying through the air waves that have anti gravity they then land on the side of the building which this dialing happens

Kirk: it’s over there’s no way u can make it back there, give up

Edison: heh, what like u did? I read ur ship’s log, Captain James T Kirk…..AT LEAST I KNOW WHAT I AM!! I’m a solider

Kirk: u won the war, Edison….u gave us peace!!

Edison: this is not what I was born into

So then they continue there fight, anyways they get back to the hatch he eas gonna toss the weapon up into but Kirk goes up into that room to pull the levers to release them so Edison will get sucked out into space……oh while Kirk pulls the 4 levers we see Edison look at a shard of glass which it makes it look like he’s going to have a Darth Vader moment where he redeems himself but nope he tried stabbing Kirk but Kirk kicks him into the weapon then pulls the handle and Scotty opens the hatch to the outside space where Edison flies into but Kirk starts getting sucked out there but Spock and McCoy come and save him with the ship they hijacked yayyyy day is saved the entire civilization saved from Kirk……Kirk and his men made it off the planet safe…..oh Kirk turns down the promotion of becoming Lieutenant because they don’t get to fly the ship which he says now where the fun in that…..hmmm

Also we see Spock come to terms with Ambassador Spock’s death by looking at an old picture of him and his crew that’s right those old star trek films and shows are canon somehow oh boy…..anyways film ends with McCoy tossing Kirk and surprise party and Scotty let’s Jallah know that Kirk pulled some strings but he got her a assigned position on the Enterprise yayyy she’s now part of the family……oh and the ship is being rebuild the end overall I actually enjoy this film quit a bit it to me feels like the most trek like film out of the 3 films so I’ll overall give it a solid ummm 9.6/10 I highly recommend it