Star Trek 2009: So firstly start off with the trailer shall we

Secondly I wanna state that this trilogy is technically a reboot…..it takes place in a different dimension, but I also wanna mention that I’m not a fan of these…..because JJ Abrams is a hack he can’t come up with anything original….he just rips off ideas from previous star trek properties so with that out of the way let’s get into the review shall we

So we open up with uhhh in the past where we have a Captain of a ship I forget his name but it won’t matter soon, anyways so on this ship we’ll Kirk’s dad is working amongst the crew who’s played by Chris Hemsworth btw ohhhhh, oh and his wife’s on board she’s about to give birth dang this is all tensing up but don’t worry it gets worse because a huge ship piloted by Romulans come out of a black hole and starts attacking the USS Kelvin…..so the captain is told to come aboard alone which he does….the leaders right-hand man asks him about if he knows of a ambassador Spock which he says I don’t know of this ambassador Spock then he asks where u guys from? So the leader takes his spear and stabs the captain throw the next jeepers….so Chris Hemsworth character sends his wife off the ship to evacuate while he stays behind to pilot the ship into there ship…..

So he calls her up tells her he won’t be able to make it then she starts giving birth which she gives birth to a boy so they both name the boy Jim so then the USS Kelvin crashes into the Romulans ship ending Chris Hemsworth characters existence and here’s the opening music btw which is legitimately one of my very few favorite things from this trilogy

Anyway so some time later all grown up now played by Chris Pine, he gets recruited by a captain named Christopher Pike who’s played here by Bruce Greenwood….he locates Kirk at a bar right after he gets beaten up and asks him to join the USS Enterprise but of course, after taking the Kobayashi Maru test which he hesitantly agrees to join……

So Jim goes and takes the test which he fails the test because he cheats I forget how but he cheated….oh how wonderful well it least that’s faithful to the lore of star trek

Anyway on his way up to the ship in the shuttle he meets McCoy Bones played by Karl Urban and I love his first interaction let me just list the 2 lines he says that I quote a lot…. “I may throw up on u” and “space is a disease and danger, wrapped in darkness and silence” lolo anyways here’s the clip

BTW he’s my second favorite part of this film trilogy…..Karl Urban is able to capture the essence and personality of the original Leonard McCoy down to the ehh “Bone” eh eh…..ok I’ll leave that was a bad joke anyway so Spock who’s played by Zachary Quinto joins the deck where there’s Sulu played by John Cho and there’s Uhura played by Zoe Saldana and Chekov played by Anton Yelchin may he rest in peace…..anyways they take off to Light speed…..oh btw Kirk’s not supposed to be on the ship because he failed the test so Bones help sneak him on board by injecting him with something deadly to take him to medical room to cure him lolo…..anyways after that happens Kirk goes onto the bridge to tell captain Pike about something important because he realizes where there heading…..he warns Pike about the Romulans ship because many decades ago his dad was aboard the USS Kelvin which got destroyed in the location there heading towards because they think they’re going on a rescue mission, but it’s a trap…..reason he knows this is because of the anomalies that occurred in this area there going to thats the same occurrence that happend those years ago when the USS Kelvin was attacked

So Pike takes this into consideration he asks the crew to scan for Romulans….so they get to the area and they get hailed by the Romulans while there getting attacked by the Romulans….the leader tells them to lower the weapons then for Pike to come on board alone also the leadsr confirms he knows who Spock is….sounds like he has history with him….so he agrees to but after they hang-up Pike tells Kirk and Sulu and Spock to follow him then ge explains that he’s gonna go surrender, spocks now captain….Kirk is now promoted to first in command oh and Kirk and Sulu is to be launched down to the big laser coming out of the Romulans ship thats aiming towards spocks planet that’s gonna destroy the planet….btw the Romulans are planning to this this thing called red matter to destroy the planet jeepers that’s that then…. if ur wondering where the red matter comes from well irs from a vessel they stolen we will find out soon who it was stolen from

So the 2 of them and a random guy named Olson get sent down to take out the drill using chargers but as soon as they get down there they get greeted by 2 Romulans so they must fight them…..luckily Sulu is trained in sword fighting he has a sword

So anyways after the fight which Sulu takes out both Romulans they now need to find a way to destroy the drill so they use the Romulan’s guns instead well guess that works……but too late the planet got shot si it’s gonna explode so Spock goes down to evacuate his parents including his father and mother……he takes them outside where they’ll be teleported onto the USS Enterprise……so anyways as soon as they’re about to be teleported up a piece of ground falls causing spocks mom to falls off it and dies oh nooo…..so yeah it must be hard for him since he doesn’t show his emotions like at all…….anyways while they get back onto the ship, back to Pike who’s being tortured we find out the leader’s name is Captain Nero and apparently he’s from the future which Spock comes to that conclusion later…….anyways he tortures Pike by putting some worm thing into his mouth ok eww what’s with these worm-like torture methods?

Anyway so Spock comes up with the great idea of turn around to go back to star fleet to get more backup to come back to attack the Romulans…..uh that’s a bad idea even Kirk points that out especially since this is a bad idea since Pike told them to go and save him……which Kirk starts yelling at Spock but Spock tells security to take him off the deck which Kirk fights back so he just sends Kirk off the ship and abandons him on a snowy planet…..oh I love snow, unfortunately, this planet is occupied by some yeti-type monster which Kirk almost dies from but someone comes and saves him, guess who it is…..its Leonard Nimoy as Spock that’s right yayyyyy and he goes by Ambassador Spock now these days……he takes Kirk to cave and gives him the rundown of things so ambassador Spock traveled to the past to escape from Nero after Nero’s home planet of Romulus was destroyed which Nero blames it on Spock……..so he time travels to the past in his little ship that has the red matter on board, Nero catches up….steals the ship and abandons Spock on that snowy planet which he tells him he’s gonna destroy Vulcan which he will make ambassador Spock see it happen…..so yeah Spock witnessed Vulcan get destroyed which just happend about ehhh 10 min ago…..yeah a bunch of wibbley wobbly timey whimey…….

So then Spock tells Kirk he needs to get back onto the enterprise but he has no way to…..but luckily Spock knows someone on this planet named Scotty  (played by Simon Pegg)…..anyways he has a Teleportation machine to get them onto the USS Enterprise….so Kirk and Scotty get sent back onto the ship….where they get apprehended and brought up to the deck to Spock…..where Kirk is taunting him about how Spock feels no emotion and how it must feel that he lost his mom but feels nothing……that he never loved her….ohhhhhh that might have been taking it a bit to far, heck even Spock agrees because he down right starts screaming and pucnhing Kirk then tries shocking him…..btw I don’t like this interpretation of Spock because he never ever lost his cool and tried shocking Kirk before especially he never lost his cool before!!!

Anyway he leaves the room, tells the crew he’s not fit to be captain…..so Kirk just randomly takes the position of captain, yay I guess? Anyways Spock and his dad have a talk about his mother….his dad admits he misses Spock’s mother and that he married her because he loved her…..aww how sweet….anyways while that happens, the crew comes up with a plan to get this it’s to have Kirk go onto the Romulan’s ship to free Pike, while the crew tries to steer Nero and his ship away from earth which there after next to destroy…….yeah good luck with that, but luckily Spock comes in and offers to go on the ship to retrieve the red matter ship……so Kirk says he will tag along so they both go onto the ship where Spock goes and retrieves that ship and Kirk saves Christopher Pike, but unfortunately Kirk notices Nero, so he tries to get him to surrender but one of Nero’s men comes out of nowhere and attacks Kirk

While this happens Spock steals the red matter ship and flies it out of the ship to destroy the drill that’s shooting down at Earth….oh btw I find Nero’s dialog to be eerie “James T Kirk was considered to be a great man, he went on to captain the USS Enterprise, but that was another life, a life I’ll deprive u of, like I did to ur father”

Jeepers this guy messed up in the head

Anyways so Spock destroys the drill so Nero gets told about that over the communication call which then Nero yells Spock!!! Spock!!!

So Nero leaves his henchman to fight against Kirk……anyways Spock heads into warp speed which Nero and his ship pursues him……anyways Kirk’s fight ends with him getting hang by the edge by being chocked by the Romulan while he says “ur species are weaker then I thought….u can’t even speak, what?” And I love Kirk’s response “I got ur gun” lolo then he shoots the Romulan and he falls to his death also heres the clip

I got ur gun….lololo, anyways so as Spock is about to die, luckily the enterprise teleports him out of the ship also they teleport Kirk and Pike as well……so now that there free guess what happens? The Romulans accidentally shoot the red matter ship which causes a giant black hole to open up uh oh……so Kirk calls up Nero to offer him help because it’s the honorable thing to do but Nero’s respone is “I would rather suffer the end of Romulus a thousand times, I would rather die in agony then accept assistance from u”….well ur funeral I guess so….so they start shooting at his ship which pushes it back into the black hole destroying the ship and crew yayyy finally

So the USS Enterprise struggles to get out of the tractor beam the black hole has….but they make it out and get back to star fleet command, where now Pike is in a wheelchair not the one from the show but a normal wheelchair……booooo, oh and they promote Jim Kirk to the captain of the USS Enterprise, oh and now Scotty is the official electrical engineer guy yayyy, oh and Spock meets ambassador Spock who tells him he’s from a different timeline….groan, different timeline see I am not to keen on timelines and all that because as soon as u introduce timeliness, and separate universes so multiverses…..u open up a can of warms……

So anyways Kirk and his crew head into space and the film ends with the iconic lines “space, the final frontier….these are the voyages of the starship Enterprise, it’s 5-year mission, to explore strange new worlds….to seek out new life and civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before”

Yeah thats how the film ends……nostalgia click bait yayyyy

So honestly overall I don’t hate this film nor do I love it….I’m somewhere in between, don’t get me wrong I enjoyed it but it’s not my favorite…..for instance I didn’t care much for Chris Pine as Jim Kirk….but I do care about him as Kirk in the third film star trek beyond but I’ll explain why in that review later, there are elements I did enjoy in this film such as the fighting and music and acting but besides that ehh….I ain’t no fan of lens flairs which JJ Abrams is attracted to like moths to lights lololo, so I’ll give this film a solid 7/10