Black Widow: Let’s start off with a trailer shall we

So this review might be slightly shorter than usual……so in this film, there are 3 things to keep in mind 1. This takes place shortly after the events of Civil War and 2. We finally get to see the origin of Black Widow and the red room she trained in and 3. We get to finally see what happened in Budapest…..so in this film Black Widow played by Scarlett Johansson is on the run away from the FBI, so she gets out of Dodge…..but then she gets a random package in the mail containing some substance of sorts….so she decides to go take it to a post office because she doesn’t know what she’s gonna do with it, but on the way across the bridge this unknown Masked and hooded guy later to be named as Taskmaster comes out of nowhere smashes his car into hers, trying to kill her….here he reveals his mad skills….he takes out his version of a Captain America shield and Hawkeye bow and arrow to use it against black widow….he can learn anyone’s skills just by watching them….thats how he is in the comics but don’t worry this film gives a stupid explanation to it later….also btw I wanna quickly mention that Taskmaster mask doesn’t look accurate….in the comics he has a skeleton mask, a white and orange hood with a cape, a dark blue and orange vest and pants…..also carries a shield and sword on his back…..here in the film he has none of that, just a dark blue and orange spandex like outfit with a bikers hoodie, and as best as I can describe it a ski mask covering his face….uh huh totally faithful good job Disney sighhhh

So after nearly escaping him, she ends up running to her sister named Yelena Belova (played by Florence Pugh) where she tells Natasha why she gave her those viles….because the other black widows including her where apart of this place called the red room and there brain washed, luckily for Helena some other Rogue agent uses the vile on her freeing her of well her mind control so she sends it off to Natasha for safe keeping…..so now they hesitantly work together to take the viles away from Taskmaster hands because he’s after them including the red room assassins….anyways so after this daring escape the 2 of them must go break out there father named Red Guardian (Played by David Harbour) from s Russian prison….so they steel a Russian helicopter and successfully go rescue him by mailing him a toy of himself to him where he accidentally tears the head off revealing a ear piece inside which he puts in his ear…his daughters tell him where to leave from and all that also this is going on while a prison riot is happening so good time then any in my opinion…..

So they break him out where we just had to get a crude joke where David Harbour says it’s been a long time? Have u guys dated anyone? Do u have any kids? which Helena replies by saying, and I wish I was joking…. we cannot reproduce because the red room cut out our fallopian tubes…..sighhh yep that’s where the film has officially gone into, a Fallopian tube joke…..what’s next a joke about cancer? Anyways so now they have to fly off and go locate their mother who’s hiding out in the middle of the woods by herself she has retired…..for u see her position in the red room was overseeing the projects u know create the red viles and all that….also create mind control things as well, create the weapons u know that sort of things…..btw on the way there Natasha tells Helena about Budapest how at Budapest she tried to attempt to blow up the red room leader by placing a bomb in his little faughters back pack which she went up to his office where he is and Natasha is outside and she detonated the bomb which somehow the guy survived uninjured because that’s how bombs works sighhh….band she feels guilt because she killed a kid, hmmmm I wonder if this becomes relevant later hmmmmm? Nooo it can’t be that predictable can it? Sighhh lord give me strength

Anyway so they make it to there mother…..which btw there’s 2 important things I want yall to know

1.  Red Guardian and this woman isn’t Helena and Natasha’s real parents for u see Natasha and Helena aren’t even real sisters either they’ve just been close with each other since they were small kids and Red Guardian aka Alexi and that woman pretended to be normal parents but secretly they where planning to sell both girls to the red room so they have new recruits jeepers that’s dark

2. Turns out the mother character Is still working  for the baddie but we’ll get to that soon
So they decide to have dinner together while Alexi tries to fit into his red Guardian outfit which btw is basically a red and white version of Captain America’s outfit basically…..for u see in the comics the reason red Guardian exists is because the Russians were jealous that America has there own Captain guy so they decided to do the same thing…..literally just a copy and paste of Captain America heck in the comics he has his own shield but not in this film

Also this film just makes Alexi look stupi, we get it film he’s fat and he’s struggling to fit into his suit….also his wife makes fun saying u have gotten fat….ha ha ha we get it he’s fat….don’t need to point it out…..so later that night Natasha and her mother are talking with each other and she reveals she contacted the red room there about to be here….uh oh……so the 3 of them get captured while the mother is sitting with them on the helicopter they get transported into

Anyway here’s where things officially get stupid so for many decades no one has been able to find or locate the red room now u would think that means it’s underground somewhere right? Yeah u would think that because that’s the smart decision but nope the people at Marvel are stupid so instead they have the red room base flying in the sky above the clouds 臘 uh huh, how has no one seen that yet? Especially since there’s a thing called airplanes….jeepers this is dumb….don’t worry it gets worse so the mother goes and talks to the leader while the other 3 are locked in a cell…..anyways the leader is smart enough to know that isn’t her so she takes off a mask and revels ohh shocker it’s black widow this entire time she was wearing a face mask and the black widow in the cell is the mother……who Alexi tries spilling his heart out to he apologizes for the way he treated Natasha and Helena he feels guilty but turns out this Natasha is the wife so he just spilled his guts out to his wife lolo…..anyways if ur confused here let me explain So the mother gave Natasha a headache up the red room was coming so they both came up with the plan they’d switch places to Natasha can go get near the baddie….ashhh how smart

Anyway if u guys thought that was to dumb well let me reveal the plot twist and btw this is officially when the film has lost me so the baddies reveals Taskmaster isn’t a he but it’s a she and she’s his daughter who is burnt thanks to Natasha…..huh? She survived? Oh and he put a ship in her neck to help her study people’s fighting skills yep told u they explInd this later and jts sounds more stupid when it’s explained…..btw this douchebag mind controls his daughter to fight for him wow what a prick, so yeah plot twist that’s if none of yall was able to figure this out earlier in this film lolo…….so then Natasha tries killing the bad guy but guys get this get this……get what clever writing the script writers give for Natasha not being able to kill this bad guy…..it’s that he has a special perfume that gives off a scent to the black widows that prevent them from killing him….are u kidding me? God damn perfume? Say what now? God I hate this film

So anyways the team breaks out and Taskmaster attacks red Guardian btw keep in mind this is the only fight he has in this film and it only last like 2 min and most of the time focuses on black widow trying to get out of room of black widows grabbing her…..anyways Helena comes above them in the vents and drops thr viles which causes the black widows to be broken from there mind control spell….so then Helena and Natasha get to the deck where the baddie is getting into his helicopter, trust here is officially when it gets stupid so before they get here they go to his computer to turn off the gravity so the place crashes out of the sky…..good grief also Helena smashes a spear into the villain’s helicopter blowing him up but not blowing up Helena but instead knocking her backward because that’s how explosions work….and she starts falling through the sky to the ground so Natasha jumps down to save Helena….

Also red Guardian ans the wife gets into a helicopter and flies down bur Taskmaster jumps on board and Alexi uses Taskmaster shield to toss her out the helicopter so she falls out of th sky towards Natasha so they both grab each other and fight…..anyways they all 3 land on the ground where everything’s on fire and Natasha is fighting Taskmaster, thr fight ends with her breaking vile, freeing her from her mind control….Natasha apologies to her so now she’s at peace…..anyways so she says her goodbye to Helena and her parents they take off and General Ross and his men come to arrest her but the next scene shows her not in prison but instead now had short white hair like in infinity war and about to go help Steve out huh? How did she get free from General Ross? Did he let her go? Why?

Anyway so that’s the end of this film Also there’s a post-credit scene of Helena visiting Natasha’s grave and she’s upset then Val comes out of nowhere to pay her a visit to give her new assignment to kill Flint uh oh dunn dunn dunnn…..so overall I didn’t like the film it was underwhelming about the only thing I liked about the film was Helena….she was a great addition to the MCU so overall I’ll give the film a solid ehhhh 5/10