Dungeons and Dragons Horner Among Thieves:

So where do I begin with this film, well I’d firstly like to say that well let me be clear I’m in no shape, or way a DND fan heck I’ve never played DND in my life, so I’m coming into this film from a movie fans perspective…..thought I’d get that out of the way, now I also wanna mention that when I first heard of this film and went into seeing this film I was kinda iffy because back 23 years ago in the 2000s we got a shitty DND film titled Dungeons and Dragons, which btw starred Jeremy Irons as the main baddie…..and to no one’s shocker the film was abysmal, in fact, it’s so bad that it’s unintentionally funny….the dialog was abysmally funny, the CGI was so awful it looked funny, the acting wasn’t the best but Jeremy Irons oohh he over acted his butt off it was like he was handed the script and read it then realized that this film would be shite….but decided to have fun with the role….don’t believe heres a clip of one of his most memorable lines from the film

Hahahahahah ok sorry what? U cannot tell me he isn’t hamming it up to 100 in this scene…..LET THERE BLOOD RAIN FROM THE SKY!!…..lololol, btw that’s his acting in this entire film…..at no point during this film does he tone it down..

BTW to this day I still have no idea what the plot of that DND film was, I couldn’t describe to yall what it was about…..all I remember was that Jeremy Irons wanted some magical staff to take over the world…..idk what yall want from me because that’s all I remember from the plot of that film….


So now that brings us to 2023 where Paramount decides to make a newer Dungeons and Dragons film and is it any better than the original film? Well I’ll answer that soon but first here’s the trailers for Dungeons and Dragons Horner Amongst Thieves

Lolol honestly I enjoy these 3 trailers they crack me up……anyways to answer your guys question is this film better then the original DND film? Hellls yes it is….guys Idk how to describe this any other way but this film is am absolute joy, it made me laugh throughout this film…..I have a slight feeling that whoever directed this is a fan of DND and did there research because from what very very little I know of DND it seems this film tries to stick true to what DND has always been about I think….don’t quote me on that…

BTW from the research I did, I found out the director and the people who worked on this recent film are huge DND fans, they grew up playing it…..so they stuck as close as possible to thee source material I think that will make yall DND fans happy

So if yall are wondering what’s the plot of this film? Well u have come to the right place but I should give a warning there’s gonna be massive spoilers for this film so if any of yall don’t wanna hear spoilers and want to go experience this film then plz go and watch it……don’t stick around ok we good? So let’s get on with the plot

So the plot isn’t much but to me, it’s the adventure that counts…..so we start off with showing the audience a giant prison in the middle of a snowy tundra…..where we get introduced to our first 2 main characters named Edgin Darvis (played by Chris Pine) (His character class is called a Bard) then there’s Holga Kilgore (played by Michelle Rodriguez) (Her character class is called the Barbarian) anyways so there about to be determined by a sentencing hearing if they both should be set free or not…..also Edgin has faith they will be leaving because of a guy named Jarvis going to be there, bur unfortunately he’s not shown up yet due to the storm so they continue without him….btw we do get some back story here for why Edgin and Holga are Thieves….here’s the rundown of it, he was apart of a knight group who he swore an oath too to never ask for anything in return or steel, he also had a wife and a baby daughter…..anyways he took down many criminals such as these cult group called the red wizards….but one day while he was just walking in his little town some red wizards came and killed his wife…..they killed her with a red wizard blade which btw if ur killed by that there’s no way of healing them because something something magic I guess, so he had to burn his wife’s corpse….

Then he’s left to take care of their daughter who his wife hid in a cupboard…..so anyways one day during his endless drinking at a bar this woman named Holga took pity on him well took pity on his baby daughter and they soon became like sisters and took care of the kid together….also they come to realize how easy it is to steal things so all 3 of them became Thieves yeah they taught his daughter how to be a Thieve…wow such a great father, what did help is they gave her a medallion that turns her invisible….also they added 2 more people to the group, named Simon Aumar (played by Justice Smith) (His character class is called Sorcerer) and there’s Forge Fitzwilliam (Played by Hugh Grant) (His character class is called the Rogue) keep that in mind for later Anyway so the 4 of them get hired by a red wizard named Sofina (Playef byDaisy Head) she askd them to steel something for her….but what convinces Edgin to do this is that his pal the Rogue tells him of a medallion that can bring back dead ones so blah blah after they tell there daughter nothing and tell her to trust them they will be back, which unfortunately they don’t

Because for u see the entire plan goes to shite, they get there and Edgin gets the medallion but a group of men come storming in so the red wizard summons a time-stop bubble which freezes everyone who’s inside it but unfortunately Edgin and Holga get stuck in it while Forge and Simon escape and Edgin tells Forge to take care of his daughter for him also he hands him the medallion…..so yeah that brings them to prison, anyways so as the courtroom about to determine if they should be free or not guess who shows up Jonathan who is this humanoid bird person….bet u can take a guess where this is going…..both Edgin and Holga grab ahold of Jonathan and they jump out the window and in a weird turn of events the courtroom yells out hey we have approved your guesses pardons……lololololo well that doesn’t matter now they’re out of there granted they escaped but still, so they head out to go locate his daughter but she’s not at his house uh oh, also they find out by looking on a back of a piece of paper that there friend Forge Fitzwilliam has become the Duke of a town somehow….

Anyways they head to the town and they get there, where inside the castle his daughter reunites with them but she seems upset at her dad she says because ur acting like u leaving wasn’t ur fault…..oooooffffff, anyways so Forge comes and greets them…..he has them sit down with him for some tea which turns out to be too hot for him…..lovely, also here we find out he’s still working with the red wizard she’s been helping him…..also she freezes her finger and sticks it into his cup to cool it down…..he decides to save that for later, uh huh sure for later hmmm…..also we get confirmation that he has indeed been poisoning Edgin Darvis daughters mind, telling her that her father abandoned her for riches and that tablet is a tablet of riches……ohhhhh how dare he, he’s the one who told Edgin the tablet was to revive a person, he is lying to his daughter…..wow what an awful character, anyways he reveals he knew that they escaped prison instead of being let out….because there’s a wanted poster for them, so he has the red wizard sink them in the floor then he reveals he was hoping that they didn’t escape, because he was working with thr red wizard this whole time and I do mean this entire time….he was hoping for Edgin and Holga and Simon Aumar to be captured….wow such a good friend huh?

Yeah he says don’t trust a con man, yeah no shite don’t trust a con man so he tells his guards to send them back to prison and get the reward money while he goes and greets the rich people coming here because he’s throwing this dangerous game, for u see it’s a stadium game where a group of people runs through a maze to survive also they must find these chests to get weapons while they get hunted down by some dangerous creature, hm how charming oh and the red wizard whisperers something in the guards ears think she says for them to execute them because they take them to an ally and try to kill them by decapitation…

So after Holga beats the guards up while Edgin is trying to get his ropes untied because he’s an idiot essentially, also Holga steals one of the guard’s axe……nice, so they head out and now have to come up with a plan to get Edgin’s daughter back and the tablet back, oh btw Forge lies again he tells Edgin’s daughter that he gave them the tablet and they ran off……ohhhhh liar!! So anyways our rag tag go and find Simon, who is broke and trying to get money by stealing it from doing stage magic…….charming, so they recruit him then now they want to get a Druid on there team who’s a person who can shape-shift into any animal basically……luckily for them he knows of a druid who’s name is Doric (played by Sophia Lillis) (Her species is called Tiefling) anyways so they find her saving a woman from being executed……lovely, so they follow her back to her place where’s she’s living….in a village amongst the trees, they ask for her help to break into the vault that has tons of money…..that’s locked behind the castle…..she first refuses but she agrees to help….also she asks the Bard what does exactly he bring to the group which Edgin’s response is I make plans…..but u already made the plan so what do u bring to the group outside of that? Well if the already established plan fails I make a new plan….so u make plans that fail? What no, he also plays the loot….not necessary Holga…….lololo I mean wow such a great team a guy who makes plans that fail, a half Ling wizard who’s inept at magic and a angry chick…yep such the perfect team to break into a fortified castle lolo

So the Druid agrees to come to save her people and that she’s not in it for the money, so Holga says right so we keep ur half then……pffftt which Edgin and Simon both look at her like there thinking huhhh?…..lolololo so anyways while Forge is showing 2 rich people around and even the vault, the Druid is there disguised as a fly……so she gets to see how protected the vault is…..but uh oh the red wizard senses the Druid uh oh so she starts flying off while the guard’s is going after her including the red wizard is going after her……so anyways she escapes and returns to our group she tells them the vault is locked behind a spell which I’ve forgotten the name but Simon recognizes the spell and he knows its impenetrable so he says where done there’s nothing we can do…..but turns out the only way to bypass it is if ur a really really great Sorcerer or if u have this helmet that bypasses that specific magic and even if u have the helmet u have to be properly intoned with the helmet which Simon knows he wouldn’t be also the helmet went mission Centuries ago so yeah there doomed

But Edgin tells him we got this and to keep this between the both of them for moral sakes…….what moral sakes? So anyways Holga says her dead ancestors know where the helmet is because they fought in a war protecting that helmet……also Simon says he has this token where he can bring back a dead person and only ask it 5 questions before it dies ans can never be revived again….thats convenient so they head out to talk to some dead people lolo…..anyways blah blah on the way Holga stops at her ex boyfriend house where she picks up some stuff including a walking stick she gave him, keep that in mind for later……so then they head to the graveyard btw I do love the amount of not giving any F**ks Edgin shows in this upcoming scene

Holga: all my kin here died during the battle, I always thought desecrating their Graves would be disrespectful

Edgin: yeah, does anyone have a shovel

Lololo, so they dig up a corpse and BTW I love this scene I’ll give yall a taste of this entire part of this film

Simon: Ok u got 5 questions to ask the corpse after that the corpse will die and can no longer be revived again

Edgin: were u killed in battle?

Corpse: yes

Edgin: (turns to Simon) 4 more questions right?

Corpse: yes

Edgin: what no that wasn’t for u (turns to Simon) did that count as a question?

Corpse: yes

Edgin: damn it only respond when I talk to u, ok?

Corpse: yes

Simon: why did u say ok after that?

Corpse: I didn’t (dies)

Edgin: fantastic, where’s the shovel

Oh and here’s that clip as well

https://youtu.be/kXJo4PoMQRM

So anyways they go around digging up mor3 Graves and each time failing to find the right corpse to tell them what they want…….heck Edgin ends up having to finish asking 3 more questions to a corpse to let it die so he asks what’s ur favorite food? Which I forget what the corpse says then Edgin says sighhh do u like cats? The corpse says no not really….then Edgin says sighh what’s 2+2? The corpse says uhh I’m terrible at math….then he dies lololo….so eventually they do get an answer from a corpse, the corpse says he last say before he died he saw Xenk Yendar (played by Regé-Jean Page) (he’s a good Paladin according to him) but Edgin doesn’t believe that because he believes all Paladins are bad…..but Holga convinces him to join them and go ask him for help

So they head out to find the Paladin, so they find him….helping people in a town, how thoughtful….he rescues a humanoid cats baby from a fishes mouth eww and awww……anyways so they go up and ask him for his help, they admit there gonna be robbing the castle for good intentions… 1. To well rob from that dreadful castle 2. Free Edgin’s daughter back to him and 3. To get back at Forge for his betrayal…..so the Paradin decides to help them, but first he makes Edgin swear to him that Edgin will give all the gold to the people of that town because Edgin says ok I will…..🤦, so he tells them he hid the helmet in some kinda pit…..so they follow him to it….where they all go inside but uh oh someone is watching them in the distance it’s the red wizard’s goons, yeah I forgot to mention she summoned her men to the castle to help her out…..so anyways our group go into the pit where the Paladin says to get across this bridge to get to the helmet where gonna have to step on specific tiles in a specific numerical order it’s simple…..so as he starts explaining it which btw it ain’t simple, Simon accidentally steps on the wrong tile causing the bridge to collapse so he says whoops I accidentally stepped on the pressure plate sorry……lololo

So now they have to find a new way across but they don’t have the tools to, so Holga pulls some stuff out including her walking stick which turns out to not be a walking stick but turns out to be a portal staff that can spawn a portal towards a 500 Mile radius….

So they portal themselves across, the Paradin opens up a Statue to give them the helmet, he tells Edgin to guard it with his life which Edgin hands it to Simon and says gotcha ok here hold onto it…..lolo….so then the red wizards goons come, thr Paradin fights them off but then they all start running to an exit but unfortunately the exit has a big puggy dragon inside it and it comes out so they run the opposite way…..so anyways our main characters make it out the Paradin leaves them he heads back to his town just by walking in a straight line which Edgin mentions btw lolo he says ans there he goes in a straight line….oh there’s a rock in front of him is he gonna walk around it? Oh oh no he walked over it….lolo….

So then Simon tries putting the helmet on to intune with the helmet but he sees his great great uncle and he tells him he’s unworthy so he knocks him back on his feet…..which Edgin says it looked like u flew backwards as soon as u put it on so Simon explains time works differently in that realm….so Edgin tells him to keep at it, so later that night he wakes up Edgin tells him he can’t do it…..so Simon tells the group that earlier Edgin knew this plan wouldn’t work but told him to stay hush hush about it…..oh how wonderful, as Holga points it out we revived and talked to my dead ancestors and almost died for that helmet and this entire time u know this plan wouldn’t work?…..well when u put it like that….

So as the teams are ready to split apart and leave, Edgin says this plan has got to succeed then he goes on to point out the team’s mistakes they’ve made and how it can’t all be in vain…..so then Simon says ur quickly to point out everyone’s else’s flaws but how about u…..which Edgin says me? I’m the biggest screw-up ever, u wanna know what killed my wife? I did……I was questioning the oath of not asking anything in return so I decided to steal some gold from the red wizards, but what I didn’t know is they marked therr gold so I basically lead them straight to where I live….I wasn’t home when they killed my wife, awwww so he goes and sits down to make a new plan which then the others comes sit down and join them….

So they do make a new plan let me summarize it up, new plan buy a painting, then cut the painting off, take some tree sap, put a portal on the frame, and hide underneath bushes while a carriage holding gold comes by, stick the frame underneath the carriage carefully, spawn portal on the floor nearby out of sight, cut into the wood floor, have the Druid enter the carriage, pull the frame into the carriage, then place the painting over it then leave….see basically there plan is to get into the castle, let them take the painting into the vault then have out main characters in an empty room summon a portal then enter through the painting that’s in the vault room the guards placed into the vault…..ok that’s clever, so they get to the castle they go up into a room and summon a portal but uh oh something goes haywire the painting falls onto the floor so now thr frame is face first on the floor so thr Druid says she’ll try shipping away to make a small space so she can turn into a worm and get through…..and Edgin makes a plan C which Is for Simon to get intoned with the helmet, he motivates him by saying ur at ur best at using magic when ur doughting urself…..which motivates him….also he says there we have a plan D as well, which is Doric the Druid trying to chip her way into the vault

So now the other 3 members have to find a way to get past the guards so they come up with a plan to pass by them….which involves a distraction btw this scene is my absolute favorite part I laughed so hard at this scene both times I saw this film…..so we see Edgin comes strolling in using his loot and singing, which the guards come over to see what’s he doing…..we then see the 3 of them running behind the guards and u be wondering at this point wait if Edgin is with the other 2 behind the guards entering the entrance way then who’s that over there…turns out it’s a hologram which we see starts glitching out getting stuck on one line because Simon gets his foot stuck in thr ground by accident lolo which causes the fake Edgin eyes to start expanding, his voice deepening, jaw dropping a bit then pfffftt the head starts caving into the shoulders and he starts levitating into the air hahahahahahag, which now the guards are suspicious and try touching him revealing its a hologram…..God this scene is just funny so they run…..also heres images from this scene

Anyway so to summarize up this next part, Forge is announcing to the entire the stadium the games about to start soon, guards get sent upstairs to investigate the people who entered the bartenders room and locked themselves up there yikes…..so now guards are knocking at the door, the Druid makes her way into the vault, Simon goes to the vault and finally gets intoned with the helmet by bitch slapping the ghost of his great great uncle hahahaha, so he opens the vault ans both him and Holga enter where there’s no money but turns out all the money is located under the stadium where Doric finds herself at, she sees guards putting money on a boat then she gets knocked out……also Holga and Simon gets tied up by tentacles….don’t think of anything perverted, and Edgin finds his daughter where he explains to her yes he’s a bad father he’s sorry about it…he explains what the medallion is and says come we need to go but then the daughter reveals herself to be the red wizard yeah she tricked Edgin….she and Forge knew he would come back so they got one step ahead of him so the red wizard wraps him in tentacles then Forge enters the room and sits down and I absolutely love this line he says, he says

Forge: now I’m in a predicament because I don’t want to see u die, which Is why I’m gonna leave the room

Lolo God Hugh Grant is such a great actor he just sucks up every scene he’s in……so then Edgin tries to get forges attention do he pulls down the tentacle from his mouth where Edgin asks if ur gonna kill us at least do it with honor let us fight in the arena there we’d have a fitting chance….which Forge says no no that’s not a fighting chance at all no ur much better off dying here….so the red wizard defends Edgin by saying no, he and his fiends killed my men let him and his friends enter the tournament its the honorable thing to do….so tada now thanks to Edgin now all 4 of them are in the arena which the Druid wakes up to, where Holga explains thanks to this idiot he got us in the arena lolo…..btw here the put 2 and 2 together once Doric mentioned she says guard putting the gold onto a boat, Edgin finally realizes wait Forge never cared about being a king or the people he just wanted the money, this is what con men do…..well that’s great now we know what Forges angle is but uhh what’s the red wizard getting out of all this by working as Forges slave?

So anyways the game starts the maze comes up and our main characters start running through it…….so blah blah after bit of running through the maze running away from the creatures Forge sends amongst them…….Doric notices a block of jello that Bruns people down to the bones and she sees every time the bells get rung parts of the maze goes down so she comes up with a plan for her and the rest of the main characters get inside the cube where they’ll get sent down then she’ll shrink down and exit out then pull them out before they turn into bones….so they do so, she turns into a snake gets our and frees them so then they head to the boat and ambush the Guards where Forge and Edgin’s daughter are arriving to the boat….where Forge is telling her where going on a trip…but Edgin and his team are there and ambush Forge, they tell his daughter the truth and says let’s go home but then Forge pulls a knife out and puts it against her throat yikes then asks for his boat back or else….so they say font hurt her and they get off the boat but then Holga notices a potato and grabs it and tosses it at Forge’s face knocking him back freeing Edgin’s daughter so they get onto the boat and Simon makes the waves get higher to splash into Forge and push the boat out to sea yayyy….

Now if ur wondering what the red wizard gets out of all this turns out we now know why she needed all those people at the stadium, she plans to use the red death spell her colleagues used many moons ago that killed people and turned them into the undead slaves so yeah that’s her plan, use an item she has to release a red death spell that will turn everyone into slaves of the undead uh ohh……so the team turns back to do the right thing which is to save the people, also Edgin decides to keep his promise and give the gold to the town folks……so they get back onto land and they place a portal in the boat and on one of the hot air balloons that have Forge’s face on it…..they put it right on the mouth as well lolo where the gold starts falling out of the sky to everyone…..unfortunately for Forge he goes onto his boat and sees all his gold is Falling to everyone but he does grab ahold of a chalice cool I guess….

Anyways so the town folks run out of the stadium ohhh ohhh clever I see what he did, he gave the town folks the gold so they would run out of the stadium going to run to grab as much as possible so the red wizard doesn’t have the victims she needs to complete her ritual….clever, so anyways the red wizard now takes on the group because there getting in the way…..so let me summarize up this fight, she turns a Statue of s dragon alive which attacks the group, after the Druid 6 shoot a rock at the red wizard distracting her which causes the dragon to freeze back up, she ends up turning sand into a glass hamster ball then puts it around Edgin and Holga, sending them rolling down the streets lolo leaving Simon and Doric to fight against the wizard……anyways both the red wizard and Simon get into an actual fight of arm reselling by well the red wizard creating a big meaty red hand and Simon creating a big hand out of rocks…..so no shocker Simon loses that fight but then all 4 of the members regroup and starts grabbing ahold of the red wizard and start hitting her…..until she gets pissed off

So she creates a time freeze bubble again, freezing them then she walks up to Edgin explaining how their deaths won’t be in vain because they will serve her as an army of the dead…..but then Edgin unfreezes and says ugh sorry I tried to stay still bur ur breath is awful…..ohhhh turns out the spell didn’t work because his daughter snuck in invisible and placed this cuffs on the red wizard which blocks magic….yessss, and Edgin says we had to pretend we were frozen so we can district u while Doric does this to u….which then Doric turns into an owl bear and grabs the red wizard, starts Pumbling her into the ground then rapidly starts hitting her then tosses her against a building casting bricks to fall onto her…..pfft this scene had me laughing it reminded me of that scene in Avengers age of Ultron where Iron man was punching hulk rapidly and saying go to sleep go to sleep go to sleep go to sleep lolo

So anyways with the day saved and our main characters go hide out where Doric lives…..all them happy, also Doric and Simon get back together, reason she broke up with him is she found him to be too sad and pathetic for her but he asks her out and she says yeah sure why not…..lolo, so happy ending, except wait how about Forge? Isn’t he still out there? Well glad yall asked turns out he was running in the woods and tripped which then the Paladin shows up wow talk about a literal deus ex machina right there…..so anyways Forge gets sent to prison which we end with him talking to thr court telling them that after he got arrested, the original king woke up from his coma, then rewarded the Thieves for saving everyone also he signs a treaty that says there be peace between them and the Druids people that took her in…..so yayyy her land is finally safe….everything is great

So then Forge well being himself starts telling the court he really looked down himself and turned over a new leaf yeah yeah sure, then he says I think I realize it all begun with my mom when I was a kid…which then the court room cuts him off saying stop stop we heard enough, pardon declined……yayyy he’ll get to stay in prison, so then he tries grabbing ahold of Jonathan and try to fly out the window also the same female court lady who screamed Jonathan in the beginning of the film screams the same thing but this time the window has been replaced with a brick wall ohhhh clever so Forge says idk what came over me while he’s being picked up and probably being taken back to his cell where he will rot…good riddance anyways the end

Overall God, I loved this film, in fact so far in 2023 it’s been one of my favorites so far this year……guys, I can’t recommend this enough plz go watch this and support it…..I’d love there to be a sequel, it’s sad because this film only made $38 million at the box office opening weekend while John Wick 4 made $138 million opening weekend…..plz go support this film, I do think anyone here who’s DND fans will love this film, the director himself is a DND fan so he stuck as close as possible to the source material…..so I’m gonna give this film a solid 10/10 go check it out