Bullet Train 

So I want to start off with showing yall the trailers….so here we go

Major warning , this film is extremely gory….in fact it’s over the top gory to the point it comes off cartoony….which Isn’t a complaint in fact I love it……also this film has tons of cussing….oh and warning massive spoilers ahead….

So the plot of this film, starts off with a ransom guy named dad, who’s sitting along side his son who’s in a coma at a hospital because he fell off a building….uhhhhh yikes that’s a sad way to open up….we here also get introduced to the guys dad named the Elder who’s played by an actor I forget his name but he’s making a name for himself in Hollywood thats for sure…he was in 2016s the wolverine, he was in 2021s Mortal Kombat…..he’s a Japanese actor so it seems they get this actor to act in Japanese roles which I guess makes sense…..so he tells his son that he should be ashamed for not watching an eye on his son….which then his son heads out to go find who pushed his son off the roof….and now here’s where we get introduced to the plot….we see our main character named Ladybug who’s played by Brad Pitt….walking down the streets of Japan… he’s going on a mission he’s hired to do….its a grab and snatch job, he must enter the bullet train, require a silver brief case…with a sticker of a train on it….then get off the train ans give his informant the case…..easy mission right……right?…welllll that’s the thing…..u will see….so we here find out that Brad Pitt character has bad luck all the time but the person who hired him doesn’t think so…hence why she gives him the name ladybug…..as in luck…because ladybugs are said to be for luck….anyways Brad Pitt walks up to his locker to receive his items…on the way there he bumps into that guy from the beginning of the film…which Brad Pitt accidentally drops his key and train ticket…uh oh….so he goes to the locker breaks it open grabs his items which consists of fire crackers, sleeping powder, which his boss tells him he needs to be more careful because last time he used that he almost gave the guy he gave it to… a heart attack….lolo…also there’s a gun in his locker, she asks him to grab it but we find out that ladybug is against guns and all about peace…..so he decides to take the spiritual enlightment path…because just because…also he finds out that the reason he was called in was because of one of there assassins named Carter called in sick….and he says Carver? Seriously that guy? I was second picked for this job after Carver? F him….he calling in sick…what is this pfff kindergarten?…..if u cant tell he dont like Carver…he goes on the train and searches for the brief case…he passes by the next 2 important characters tangerine and lemon…yeah don’t ask its a weird name….there both called the twins although they don’t look like twins… lemon is a black slightly bigger person while tangerine is a slick white guy with a brown mustache……oh and lemon has an obsession with Tomas the tank engine….he learned how to read people’s behaviors by watching tomas……somehow…idk don’t question it….so they are they to receive the white deaths son and his brief case full of money….the white death is a Japanese mob boss…..also on this train in another room that dad character locates who pushed his son off the roof…its a girl named prince…played by Zoey King……she knocks him out with a tazor….explains to him when he wakes up that he’s gonna help her kill the white death ..also she hands back his gun to him, we will find out more later…the plot thickens….anyways Brad Pitt locates the brief case just by cheer luck..he goes to the baggage area and locates the Luggage….so hurray now he can leave right…..right?…..wellll…as soon as he tries getting off…this guy appears at the stop…named the wolf…whos played by Bad Bunny (who is a DJ…..yeah alot of people wanted to see this film because he is in this film…yeah how do I say this not for long he isnt)…..anyways we cut back to tangerine and lemon….they go over to a guy who just woke up, here we find out that they where hired by this guys father to bring his son who’s this guy…back to him and oh yeah his money….if ur wondering which guy hired these 2….the white death….yeah that brief case Brad Pitt just stole is the white deaths money…….oh btw this film is absured because we get tangerine and lemon arguing how many men they killed to save this douchebag of a son….tangerine says 17 but lemon says 16 so the film litterally stops and shoes up back flash to them brutally grotesquely killing those men…with each kill tangerine and lemon looking at the screen acknowledging the audience counting the kills….lolo this film has no boundaries of absurdity…..anyways they did end up killing 17, the 17th victim was by accident… car exploded and a random civilian went up to the car to see if the guy was alright….yikes…lemon says that one wasnt our fault..which then tangerine says oh yeah what would Thomas the train say if he was here?…He’d say learn and admit when u r wrong….which lemon says thats not how Thomas sounds like…then tangerine says choo choo…..lololo….anyways tangerine tells lemon to go grab the case but uh oh its gone…so tangerine goes and checks on lemon….he tells lemon how f**ked they are….we find out 2 things 1. Lemon didn’t read the briefings so he doesn’t know anything about the white death.. 2. We find out from tangerine about the white death…so the white death was this EX KGB agent from Russia (because of course he is…thats how all Russians are portrayed in films for some reason), anyways he comes to this Japanese mob boss becomes his right hand man…..people kept telling the guy that this Russian dude is unstable which he didn’t listen but he should havw because one night the guy slaughtered all of the guys men, created a team of his own….so he killed the most powerful mob dude in one night wiping him from the face of the earth….which he earned the title the white death….oh and the white death is known to kill people who fail him…plus we also find out that he had a wife but she died in a freak car accident as in car explosion….hence why he isn’t doing this job himself to receive his son back…..or is it?….don’t worry I’ll explain his motivations later…anyways so now they gotta locate the brief case, so back to Brad Pitt… we get a back flash story to the wolf…we find out he is Mexican mob cartel….he take on gigs to kill people…thats also how he got most of his items by stealing them from his victims…anyways one day he falls in love gets married…..at his wedding some guy bumps into him spill liquid on him so he has to go wash it off…while that happens he hears screaming, comes back to seeing everyone profusely vomiting up blood everywhere…..uhhh ewww anyways his wife dies in his arms….so now he wants revenge for his wife….so he gets told later who killed his wife…so he went on the train that day to kill the person who killed his wife, luckily for him as well he bumps into Brad Pitt character and tries killing Brad Pitt for some reason although we find out later that he didn’t kill his wife and the wolf knew who killed his wife so idk why he starts attacking Brad Pitt…anyways fight happens he tells Brad Pitt he will hunt him down until his life is ruined which Brad Pitt says dude I don’t even know u….while he’s being tossed onto bar table lolo….anyways fight ends with Brad Pitt holding brief case in front of him, the wolf tossing his knife at him but the knife bounces off the case back to the wolf but it hits him in the heart…ok all form of realism ends here…the knife bounces off the case lolo…anyways so the wolf falls onto the brief case Beck first so it snaps his neck…welp that’s overfill plus that’s the end of the wolf I guess, that was quick…..so then he decides to pfff clean up the mess, sit him up on a chair witj a blanket and some glasses on him…also has him holding wine…lolo ok this made me laugh…also he pulls the knife out, back to lemon and tangerine….there propping up the white deaths son because they found him dead bleeding out of his eyes…yikes….so to cover that up lemon gives tangerine some Momo glasses which is a fictional character in this film…..they plop him up…they now try to go find the brief case….lets skip a bit so Brad Pitt is trying to get off the train, but events are preventing him….he bumps into lemon and he tries to hide……so now he can’t get off….so he hides the case in a trash bin where he killed the wolf……so he’s hiding, if thats not bad enough we go back to thr prince and the dad character they both locate the brief case just by coincidences because as she puts it she’s been always lucky…..as they leave that room we see the wolf propped up with his arm holding his head slunched over on the table…his arm slips from underneath and his head smacks on the table lololo ok this film knows how to Crack me up….so then we go back to tangerine he tells lemon if he finds the guy who has there case why don’t u talk to him…lemon says like what? What u want me to say…tangerine says idk why don’t u talk about the time that Thomas and Percy and idk got shot in the eye and died!!….which lemon looks at the screen and says he means kill him….lololo….so they try to go find the brief case guy…..anyways back to princess she tells the dad dude her plan…he has her open the brief case for her…he does by miraculous miracle…..she then puts a bomb in the brief case tells him she’s planning to use it to kill the white death….also she says the gun she gave back to him has a bomb In it…and can only be activated if he uses it…well wouldn’t that been good info to tell him earlier lolo….anyways so uh Brad Pitt encounters lemon in a area of the train that’s called the quit cart…where they gotta keep there voices down…..he tells lemon he wants to give them the brief case back then leave to go find a zen garden and rethink his life….once again I love his character…..lemon says I want to take u up on ur offer bur u went and killed someone….I think u planning on pinning it on us and running away with the white deaths cash….but Brad Pitt says no I just want to get off and go to zen garden…..anyways fight between them happens in a funny way because they gotta hold there breaths and stay quiet while fighting so they don’t make a noise lolo……fight ends with lemon getting knocked out….then Brad Pitt puts knock out powder into lemons fiji water bottle….uh oh… then steals his phone calls up his investor person who hired him yells her he wants to get off…..lets summarize up a few things…uhh prince and dad dud return the brief case back into the trash bin where they found it….completely off screen…uhhh lemon wakes up goes searching for Brad Pitt character while tangerine does same..in other direction…so at this moment brad pitt has the brilliant idea of getring rid of his hat and glasess so he goes up to a guy sitting reasing a book and its channing tatum of all people oh lord this is funny….he asks if he can ask for a favor…which channing says is this a sex thing…..pfff hahahha….which Brad Pitt says uh nope….so he says oh good then sure whaf u want….anyways tangerine comes in sees the hat guy goes up to him assumes its brad pitt then aims a gun to his head asks him for the brief case but the channing says woah woah is this the sex thing? Pfff lolo….then firecrackers go off and we see brad pitt run in opposite direction behind tangerine…. and tangerine run the opposite direction to thr noise and channing says i do like a ghy with a accent…………anyways Brad Pitt goes hides in a bathroom where he plays with the toilet because the toilets in Japan have buttons the buttons do different things like shoot water upwards or dry u off….or open lid and close it…ohhh fancy, anyways tangerine finds Brad Pitt character In the bathroom because he uses a GPS tracker that’s on his brother’s phone to Track him…..how clever…anyways they fight and all that they wrestle there way into the back room where all the sweets and drinks are stored….so as soon as they grab pots pans to fight each other with…..a train cart lady comes in so they stop fighting and pretend nothing happened…..she asks if they want anything…Brad Pitt says he’d want some sparkling water she gives it to him…he says the guy I handed my hat to I gave him all my money can u pay for this bottle….he then freaking pays for the bottle he asks how much for the bottle she says something like 20 dollars…he gives her 20 dollars and she walks off ans he says snarkly gee hope that was worth it yep it was freaking 20 dollar water bottle……..hahaha lolo….so then they continue fighting by Brad Pitt throwing his bottle at tangerines head…so they fight and fight until tangerine gets Brad Pitt in a grip lock….ties seat belt ariund his neck starts choking him….then Brad Pitt uses his foot to hit the emergency air lock….which caused the door to fling off…so they both fly out of the train….yikes…but since Brad Pitt is holding on the seat belt there still hanging on the side of the train while tangerine is holding onto Brad Pitt foot….yeah logic what’s that? These 2 would be flies on the side of a windshield if logic existed in this film…..oh plz don’t take that as an insult, far from it I’m all for the absurdity that happens in this film…..guys how’s do I explain this I’ve not had this much fun I had with a film in a long time…this film cracked me up multiple times…I also saw it in theaters 3 times, each time it still cracked me up…just clarifying that this isn’t a problem with the film…heck the film isn’t meant to be taken seriously….so anyways they climb back up onto the train at the neck of time because another bullet train rushes past them on the other train rails….anyways so after realizing that Brad Pitt doesn’t have the brief case and getting a call from white death men saying to get off next train station with ur brother and the case….he realizes how screwed up he is….so then Brad Pitt comes up with an idea ans the idea is they both go out there at next stop pretend there brothers and have a fake brief case now where they got this other silver brief case that looks exact like the brief case he stole is beyond me but still…so they show it to the goons…they buy into this scheme…they get back on the train….also before Brad Pitt can try leaving …tangerine says nah nah I still need a fall guy for the lose of white death son….considering if I should bring u to him dead or alive…..anyways while this is happening lemon finds prince and that dad dude…he realizes one of them is evil because well prince been lying to people she’s interacted with multiple times in this film plus she slips up and accidentally says brief case but lemon points out I didn’t say brief case and besides usually someone would consider usually that a normal person coming on here would bring luggage not brief case…so he now knows one of those 2 is evil but can’t tell who so he aims a gun at them tells one or the either to point at who is the evil one and he will shoot said person so he counts to 3…and he gets to 3….and uh thr dad dude gets shot because prince over here point her finger at him framing him…BTW if ur wondering why he didn’t point fingers at prince well its because he’s protecting his son who’s in the hospital…for u see if princes men don’t hear back from her she gave the orders for her men to kill his son…so he did a dumb but honorable decision….anyways back to tangerine and Brad Pitt….he starts rambling on and says something about the door being a wall or a window but that the window is closing?..huh?…anyways he confuses tangerine and kicks tangerine out of the train…yayy…then the train starts speeding away and oh boy ig yall thought logic stopped being a thing well how do I say this…tangerine starts running and able to keep up with the train, jumps onto it and starts climbing on the back of the train keep in mind there no rails to hold on and the train going super super fast so what is he holding onto? Nothing he just crawling on glass…uh huh Because that’s how that works….yep ok where so far beyond logic…he’s basically become Spiderman….hahahahah…then he proceeds to use one hand to bash window open…it starts cracking then he uses his head to bash the rest of it…..how did he do any of that without falling off is beyond me…..anyways besides lack of logic asside,, we then see lemon and prince dragging the guys body into a bathroom to hide him…..lemon then finds a gun located in princes bag while she’s just sobbing and saying he said he’d shoot me if I don’t do what he tells me to do….he then says then why didn’t u use this gun?……so now he knows she’s evil so he tries shooting her but uh oh he’s been drinking the fiji water so the knock powder is kicking in…he stumbles backwards and falls onto the ground…..then prince pucks up his gun and shoots him 2wice…uh oh …then she puts his body in the bathroom…..anyways uh Brad Pitt goes back to the wolf’s body and finds envelopes in his jacket he opens it….because he knows who’s on board some assassin named the hornet….right I forget to mention that he figures that out earlier because he did look at the white death sons dead body which had blood coming out of his eyes…..and he told the person who hired him that his death seems very Similar to the wedding incident…which then his handler says, that wasn’t just some random death that was caused by an assassin called the hornet…she must be on the train as well….so with that knowledge he looks at the envelope pictures which shows who the hornet is…and we finally get to see the hornet …she was in disguise the entire time ..she was in the momo outfit…and she’s played by the actress who played the character domino in Deadpool 2…..BTW this means she’s clearly been having a bad day because she got punched not once but 2wice today while in that outfit…Brad Pitt punched her when she tried taking the brief case from him…..tangerine tosses a momo toy at her which knocks her down somehow….don’t ask because idk either…..also we see that she was the one who killed the white deaths son…she was in a momo outfit to disguise herself and got close to him….injected him in the neck with the venom….thats why he was bleeding from the eyes….but why would she kill him? All will be answered…..anyways Brad Pitt holds Picture of the hornet up infront of him to look at it…and in the corner right behind the picture there is the hornet in the same room as him…disguised as a cart employee….uhh ohh…she says u stole my snake….oh right forgot to mention there’s a snake ok the train and turns out it’s a venomous snake…hmm totally won’t come into play later not at all…BTW this film is so bizzare it decides to give a small origin back flash to the snake….litterally as soon as we see the snake we get a backflash of a news reporter interviewing a snake trainer and he says the snake escaped and is very venomous….anyways so both the hornet and Brad Pitt fight…..she tells him she’s there for the brief case because an anonymous person told her that her payment is on the train in the brief case…hmm wonder who this person is…anyways the fight ends with her injecting Brad Pitt in the arm with a needle filled with the venom…uh oh so he has 20 seconds before the venom kicks in…and he drops grabs the needle and injects her so they both stand there waiting for someone to make a move…she pulls an antidote out and he grabs her arm and injects his neck with the antidote….so now she starts dying he asks her if she has a second one and she says what do u think?…and he hahah he says oh wait u don’t havw a second one? Oh wow u need to plan things out…oh sorry I’m mansplaning…my bad…….then she starts crawling away and grabs some water to toss onto her….don’t know she was hoping for…but while this happening Brad is being Brad….he says do u want something? U want water is is that what u want water? U don’t seem like the religious type….uh want a blanket is that what- u want a blanket is that it? Or some comfort?….lololo….sorry this scene makes me laugh every time…then she dies…he then says let this be a lesson in failure….anyways with now 2 dead bodies which he decides to prop op across the wolf’s dead body…like there sitting and chatting…lol….he is now huddled up on a couch hyperventilating into a bag while on the phone with his boss…..she says are u cuddled up on the floor hyperventilating? And he says well I uh am not on the floor…..and he says I need to get off this train………anyways so back to tangerine walks past the fiji water bottle notices it also goes to the bathroom because he sees something on the handle he opens it and sees his dead brothers body….awww this scene is emotional…anyways he takes his necklace off and puts it around his brother’s neck..them proceeds to walk away, bumps into prince…she tells him she wants help that she was held by gun point blah blah blah and all that…he says do whatever the heck u want….and eas he walks away he notices a sticker of diesel on her back…he says huh funny lemon always knew how to read people….look at that diesel…there has been a devil on this train this whole time and it was u!!…so he aims his gun at her….ready to shoot her but Brad Pitt enters the room she tells him help this guy is trying to kill me…so he moronicly helps her and fights tangerine….then a gun shot went off…they both check each other they didn’t get shot so they look at tangerine and he uh accidentally shot him self in the neck so he’s bleeding out…..in his dying words he tries saying she’s the diesel…..but what came out instead was uhhkkk uhhhkkk diesel…..while he’s pointing towards him well actually behind him….and he dies…so Brad thought he was calling him diesel so he says I’m not a diesel…..pffff lolo…anyways they try to get off the next stop but uh the lady gets her bag stuck….so they stick on the train…also someone boards the train…its the Elder comes on board….he sits across both of them and I absolutely love this scene…Brad Pitt slowly moves his head towards him and says oh gotta be kidding me….look buddy I’m getting real creepy vibes from u…so how about u go all all the way down that way so I don’t have to ask u again….and the Elders response is no u won’t…….lolo I really do like Brad Pitt I this film he is quirky….then he says nevermind let’s move so as he gets up and tries to grab his bag…the snake comes out of nowhere and bites Brad on the arm and attaches to him..he then gets up and screams ahhhhhhh and starts running like an idiot then runs the opposite way to the restroom…while screaming ahhhhhh…..lololo this scene had the entire theater laughing, anyways the elder then has a conversation with prince…he finds out she the one who pushed his nephew off the roof….she tells him why it was to lure his son to him to help her kill the white death…but he couldn’t do that so he’s dead…and his response is my son is not dead….and he says my nephew was pushed off a building u think I would leave him unguarded….we then see her henchmen try to go kill the boy but a nurse comes in wraps a plastic bag around his face then proceeds to slit his throat…Jesus thats dark……he then says my grandson is safe and my son is still alive…she then runs off says fine ill kill him myself…..anyways also while that conversation happens brad pitt is in the restroom trying to put the snake down the toilet…lolo and he had time to write on the toilet seat off screen….dont owpn snake inside lolo……anyways, Brad Pitt returns to the elder and they both have a interaction…he tells him how he’s always unlucky and he’s called ladybug….the elder says ladybug? That’s lucky indeed….Brad says no I think she called me that in a ironic way….the elder says I want to tell u a story…Brad says nah not interested….its a short story….still no….very short it might u might like it….nah I’m good……lololo then he tells the story anyway….to summarize tbis story up….uhhh white dead killed his master who was the original mob boss…also killed his wife..yeah thought he lost everything that night except he found his son in a vent…so he took him and raised him…he spent his life trying to kill the white death….so he says the white death is waiting at the next stop and when he comes on we will be waiting…so they start heading to the restroom where his son is…they get there and guess what his son is still alive uh somehow……he says how….the elder says it’s luck….then they look at lemon….Brad says this guy was cool….which the dad says he shot me…Brad says yeah he also did that to me too…twice…but he was a nice fellow…as he says that lemon wakes up yawning and there all startled..the heck…..oh right he had bullet proof vest on…..ohhhh ok how could we forget that also he was knocked out because the knock powder….yep making all sense now…he wakes up and says am I in hell?…..lolo then notices his brothers necklace around his neck then asks where is tangerine…he then goes to tangerine body sits up near him starts crying pulls out a Thomas sticker puts it in tangerines hand and says u sir look more like a Thomas….then he screams because well his brother is dead…..anyways so then the elder says we all have to work together to take down the white death…..but they start fighting….lemon wants to shoot Brad Pitt….he points at Brad Pitt like in a ginger gun pose he says I am gonna shoot ur brains out….and Brad being Brad he says u realize when u r the one who ispointing and blaming others…there’s 4 fingers pointing back to u?….no wait there’s 3? Huh……hahahahahaha then the dad intervenes and says enough…lemon says he shot my brother!…and his response was u shot me!!…the elder says stopp! Either we work together or die alone….so lemon says I’ll go try to start the train up to get us out of here….Brad says he will deliver the brief case to the white death….the dad is standing behind in the train to tackle the guards….and the elder will just be waiting there for his revenge…anyways at thr stop we see the white death and his henchmen who are all wearing cool looking masks that’s covering there mouths also there caring machine guns…and here we see who is playing the white death because up to now we only saw behind his head…..its Micheal Shannon…..ok im hooked nice pick…good actor…..anyways so he and his men go on board try to look around…he finds prince…he says daughter…and she says dad……dun dun dunnnn…so yeah the white death is her father and she wants him dead because he barley given her attention so he pulls a gun at him and he grabs it and aims it at her…she says shoot me then do it do it!!…he then pretends shoot…pow blam…pow…..hr then says I’ve always noticed u daughter, u just not part of my bigger picture……ouch…..anyways Brad Pitt walks out saying I have brief case for Mr death….then forcefully kneel him onto the floor and grab the case…Mr death walks outside….tells 2 of his men to open the case to see if all money is there….then Brad Pitt asks why u did all this….he then explains that the night his wife died…he was out going to go deal with 2 assassins who killed his men ( lemon and tangerine), that night he was supposed to die not her but him…but since he wasn’t there that night in that car…it was his wife that was there….also his wife did have a chance to live…but she needed a heart transplant and it could only be done by the greatest doctor…unfortunately the day he was gonna do surgery he miraculously started bleeding out his eyes and died…so his wife died….yeah the hornet killed the doctor dude….ohhhh….and as for why his son is on the train well he hired tangerine and lemon to go break him out of the danger he got himself into….he got lemon and tangerine on the train so he can kill them both as revenge for that night…..also he hired the hornet so he can get her on the train to kill her….he got her ok there by telling her there’s money on there for her….so Brad says wait if u hired her does that mean u hired her to kill ur son? He then says oh yes I did what a piece of shit he was……wow father of the year award aren’t I right?…he said the plan was for each assassins to kill each other off on the train…then when the train stops here he can kill the last assassin who did all this to him….and he aims a gun at Brad Pitt and says there is just one person I have to kill and that’s u Carver…..…and Brad says Carver? I’m sorry woah woah I’m not Carver….and we do see a backflash to the night his wife died….Carver rammed a car into her car and he is wearing a motorcycle helmet for some reason…and he takes it off and we finally get to see who playing him…its Ryan Reynolds…..what in the actually hell? Lololo hahahaha this had me and everyone laughing….its absurd….so then the brief case gets opened up thr bomb that prince put inside it goes off…..blowing up which tosses Brad Pitt into the train without injuries or dying somehow…and white death gets flung upside down as well but somehow lands on his hand and knees onto the train??….u know what nevermind logic be darned at this point….so then fimal fight happens….white death finds the elder on the train…he asks what is he doing here….the elder says ur daughter pushed my grandson off a building….white death says eh u know…u try raising ur kids right….pfffftt yeah sure ok…..said u…Mr oh hired an assassin to kill my son because he’s a shit head……anyways they both pull there swords out and start fighting…..Brad Pitt goes up to lemon and asks hows things going and lemon says well I did the math and calculations and I realize I cannot drive a train!! And Brad Pitt says what? U talk about Thomas the tank engine all the time….lemon says Thomas is a metaphor for reading emotions not riding a train….so uh basically the train moving they don’t know how to stop it…yikes…anyways 2 men come in ans lemon fights them off so does Brad Pitt….anyways fight continues….lemon apologizes to Brad Pitt for shooting him…Brad says actually u shot me 2wice …..he then says I’m sorry I shot u twice…..Brad says and I’m sorry for ur brother….and lemon says yeah…but now I have a new brother…which Brad says really?…lemon nods and then says no!….hahahahahahaha ……anyways he then tackles one guard off the train and they both fall into the river….noooo not lemon….anyways back to white death….he has elder on the floor and he says u don’t rule with power u rule with fear….the fear of loosing everything u have……which then he scoffs at that then he pulls his gun out puts 1 bullet in and says for old time sakes then start to do russian roulette…which is u basically put ur life and the other person life at chance…u try shoot urself first if u survive then phew good then u try to shoot the other person and if the bullet is in the holster during this shot then ur dead….so as soon as elder is about to die…his son comes rushing in kncosk the trash can over by accident notices rhe fiji water bottle…and guys omg this movie is so absurd to the point it gives a water bottle an origin story…what the hell?…lolo so we see that the water bottle was purchased by a small kid but it got stuck in the vending Machine so then lemon comes up to buy tea…but instead the bottle falls out to he takes that instead and we see everything up to it getting tossed away then rolling out by the bottles perspective because sure why not…guess the water bottle has a perspective……anyways the dad tosses the bottle at the white deaths head which knocks him backwards….then elder gets up and grabs his sword and jams it into Mr deaths shoulder kinda deeply as well…yeeezz….watch this video to see more:

Anyways Brad Pitt tries looking through the manual for English translation but the papers somehow fly away out of the train uh oh…and a train comes hitting into them well those people are dead then….and there train well it derailes going throw a forest…and everything is flinging around in slow motion on the train and we see brad pitt fly being flung across the train….notices a guard and a random pot smacks Brad in the head…..ok ouch…and he hits into the momo outfit ad a cushion…the train stops at downtown area yeah it crashed into some buildings….oh btw if ur wondering who survived that crash uh all them did….yeah because that totally makes sense….BTW they don’t even have any injuries on them caused by train crashing no instead the injuries they have on them was prior to crash….ok that’s it logic has officially taken a back seat in this movie….I love it…anyways Mr death comes off the train aims gun at Brad Pitt…he tells him he ain’t Carver that he called off sick so I’m filling in for him…Mr death says ur not Carver? Ur filling in for him? Then he tries shooting him but gun has no bullets so he pulls out his daughters gun and Brad says take a chill pill bro…white death says do not call me bro!!..then proceeds to shoot gun but since that gun had a bomb in it…it explodes and half of the white deaths head off….we see this gaping hole where uh half that face was and he falls to thr floor now dead…so Mr elder and his son come out and he receives his sword then cleans the blood which lands on Brad Pitt shoes….somehow those shoes stated clean up to now somehow uh huh sure…anyways they start walking away and they bump into prince…where she is about to shoot them but then a tangerine truck comes out of nowhere hitting her so now she’s dead yayy….then they leave him….his handler and ambulance comes…and we see who playing his handler…its Sandra Bullock….of all people….he starts varying happy tears saying u come to save me…….ok seriously what kinda assassin is Brad Pitt? He’s in the wrong business if u ask me….anyways as they both go to her fancy car that had a banana inside waiting fot him…a cell phone poll falls onto the car breaking the car…uh huh….yeah no he’s definitely unluckily if u ask me…..so then they start walking into the sunset…..he says maybe I should start listening to my inner voices and she says good maybe u did learn something…..what’s ur inner voice telling u now…he says that I need to buy myself a Japanese toilet….she then says tmi…….lolo…anyways film ends…but there’s a post credit scene….its of 1p min earlier…we see that Leominster survived, killed the guy by shooting him…get onto high way bumps into tangerine truck…rides it into prince…killing her then rides off…ohh so he’s the one who ran her over…nice…..ok films now done…guys I can’t recommend this film enough this film is hella amazing…it’d absured, it’s dumb, it’s bat shite crazy, it’s funny, violent…..It’s such dumb fun, I highly recommend it…

I’m giving the film a solid 10/10….guys and gals go see this film go rent it or buy it…