Lets kick things off with a trailer:

BTW this is the opening theme I find it to be gorgeous and Haunting at the same time

Ok so where do I start..this is when the series stops being as good as it was before..don’t get me wrong I still enjoy this movie…it feels like a pirates of the Caribbean movie…my only problem is that well this film has mermaids…and well to me mermaids in a pirates of the Caribbean movie is far fetched…I want to  Reliberate that….mermaids are far fetched from a movie series that has the kraken, cursed pirates, and undead fish men…also almost none of the side characters reprise there role…Elizabeth Swan and Will Turner?…absent from this film, Marty and cotton and his parrot?…absent as well…Murtogg and Mullroy?…absent…..Pintel and Ragetti?…absent….so who’s left…mr Gibbs..yeah he is in this movie 

….Jack Sparrow? Of course,  Barbossa? Of course….we do get a stupid love story in this movie. Its as if they were trying to recapture the same love story with Elizabeth and Will…spoiler alert …it doesn’t work…the 2 love interest in this movie is a mermaid and a priest….uh huh…also this is the first pirates of the Caribbean movie that has a human villian…I mean thats clever but if u compare him to the other villians in this series…its kinda lackluster…luckily this ain’t no average day pirate…oh no no no…the villian is the legendary Black Beard….just a bit of information on him for u who don’t know him…he was a feared pirate in real life…and his ship is called the queen Ann’s revenge…legends say during his last war, he got decapitated and then had his head tossed into the ocean…also Black Beard has smoke pipes in his beard to have smoke come out of it to make it look like his beard is on fire..(don’t ask me why…I think its to make him look more menacing)…ok so now onto the plot…the plot is that…beginning of movie the Spanish find s crazy old man in the ocean ( completely by accident,  see these 2 sails men were out in the ocean that night and were tying to bring fish out of the water with a net, and instead brought out of the water is a old man who is holding a book) so they bring him to the Spanish generals…and well the guy in charge takes the book out of the guys hand and it well has information on the fountain of youth….yep this film is about the fountain of youth…and he sends his best Sargent and his men to go locate the fountain…to destroy it…

…ok so anyways….we cut to a city and Jack Sparrow is due to hang…but first he is going to court….so then we see the court and see a man being shoved into the room with a sack over his head…then they take the sack off the guy, and it turns out it aint Jack Sparrow…its mr Gibbs….see the court thing that Mr Gibbs is Jack Sparrow…how? I have no idea….especially since Jack Sparrow is well known…..so then the judge comes in and it turns out it Jack Sparrow in disguise as a judge…clever….anyways…lets just say the court wants Jack Sparrow to hang but of course the judge ( the me real Jack Sparrow), gives mr Gibbs a prison sentence instead of hanging….see he saved mr Gibbs from the noose….if ur confused let me explain…..Jack Sparrow plan was to dress up as judge and free mr Gibbs from the noose…by sentencing him to prison…also he payed off the person who be riding them to prison….ah clever….so he pays the driver to lead them our the city…so while there being transported…..mr Gibbs and Jack Sparrow catch up with a bit….we find out no one knows where the black pearl is….and that Jack Sparrow hasn’t yet found the fountain of youth…so anyways the carriage stops and they get out of it, and tons of military men are standing there aiming guns at them…turns our the driver double crossed Jack Sparrow and Gibbs…because the guards payed him double….sneaky…..so yeah blah blah…the navy takes the real Jack Sparrow to the king…..surprisingly he doesn’t believe Jack Sparrow is the right Jack Sparrow…because its been rumored that Jack Sparrow is recruiting a crew and has a ship…yet this Jack Sparrow in front of him says he is not looking for a crew nor does he have a ship….so then the king invites his right hand man into the room…and guess who it is….u guessed it…its Barbossa…and now he has a peg leg and is dressed as a British navy officer…and is now wearing a white wig…

….how and why u may be asking? Ill get to that later….so anyways Jack finds out from Barbossa that he lost the pearl like he lost his leg….uh oh….so then Jack Sparrow escapes but then before he escapes…Jack Sparrow says a funny line….I understand everything….except for that wig…..

…..ok so Jack Sparrow escapes and a carriage chase happens…that was cool…of course Jack Sparrow gets saved from his dad…luckily he shows up from being a pub…to help him out….and they both grab a drink…..but his dad warns Jack Sparrow about the fountain and how it will test him….then well Jack’s dad disappears like batman after Jack looks away then turns his head back towards his dad…yeah didn’t know his dad was batman…but eh sure….so then Jack Sparrow sees an imposter of him…and as he follows him…he bumps into a pirate named Scrum….and he is playing a small guitar……..I don’t know i just wanted to point out Scrum because he is a new side character…I’m gonna skip a bit here but….Jack and not Jack get into a sword fight,  then Jack Sparrow finds out that not Jack is actually his ex girlfriend Angelica (played by Penelope Cruz)….they were a couple…( I forget why they broke up…no seriously i do because it was either mentioned briefly or it was a forgettable reason) anyways then the British starts barging in and Angelica and Jack fight back to back against the British…and they both escape by breaking the floor board underneath them…they fall into the water, they get on land..then a zombie henchmen comes out and shoots a knock out dart at Jack Sparrow which knocks him out….thats right zombie henchmen…now pirates of the Caribbean has zombies…God dammit Hollywood can u not go one second without having zombies in ur films or shows or games?..no?…ok then…so then anyways we cut to the British bringing our mr Gibbs to the noose and Barbossa is there waiting…he tells mr Gibbs to five up the charts unless he wants to be hanged…so then mr Gibbs takes the charts out and then tosses it on the floor, then grabs a lantern and tosses it onto the charts…now the charts are burning ….but don’t worry mr Gibbs had enough time in his cell to memorize all the information on the chart…so now Barbossa brings mr Gibbs along with him and his British army and ship to go locate the fountain of youth ( and if ur wondering whats Barbossa reasoning for wanting the fountain of youth…all will be unveiled later…bur all I can say for now is it ain’t for eternal glory)…so then Jack Sparrow wakes up on a ship and he well bumps into Scrum….here’s what Jack Sparrow finds out….1. The ship he’s on is the Queen Ann’s Revenge…aka Black Beard ship….2. Black Beard henchmen have been zombiefied…which means been turned into zombies ( no not all his crew, just a handful of them…the first mates if u will…have been turned into zombies…that can talk and uses whips and guns and still move like a functional human….so then nothing)…and lastly 3. He finds out that Angelica is the second hand mate of the ship…oh and I forget to mention she is the daughter of Black Beard….im kinda glad Jack Sparrow and Angelica didn’t last as a couple because think how weird that day would be where he has to meet her father,  just to find out that her dad is the most hated and feared pirate…..so anyways…..that night Jack Sparrow decides to get all the crew and as much weapons so they can do a mutiny…because Jack wants to take over the ship…and he is under some impression that this may not be Black Beard ship because and I quote…none of the crew has ever seen him come out of his cabin….ok so what?…thats basically the equivalent if a imperial officer in star wars would say hey since I’ve never seen the emperor,  that must mean he doesn’t exist……( no thats not a quote from star wars, I was just pointing out how stupid that form of logic is and would be)…so anyways….the mutiny happens and they do tie up the zombie crew and Angelica…..then as soon as Jack says the ship is ours….the captains corridors doors open and guess who comes out …..Black Beard (played by Ian McShane)….oh boy so now he ain’t happy with his crew….apparently he was resting and heard noises outside…ok this scene is hard to explain but ill try to explain what happens…

BTW here’s 2 pieces of soundtrack back to back in this entire same scene that I love, enjoy….

Ok so black beard rakes his sword (named the cutlass) and well apparently his sword has powers because when he does the ship starts steering forward and then ropes from all around thr ship start slithering around people and start thing around people’s ankles and around there bodies…and then polling the crew upwards in the sky ( or well up off thr floor and up near to the sails….so basically rope ties around crews and then pulls them up into the air) it pretty much was a good and intense scene in my opinion….so anyways….im gonna skip a bit because why not….also the cook is reveled to be the matinee, so black beard puts him on a small life boat in front of the ship….and activates the flames on his ship to burn the guy to a crisp…jesus….here’s that entire mutiny scene

so black beard forces Jack to help him find the fountain of youth (so here’s one thing the charts never specified….so on the charts it only shows on  Challis, but apparently u need 2 of the same Challis and a mermaids tear…..yeah no where on the charts did it say that…its like an inaccurate instruction book..if ur confused,  let me explain….2 Challis,  u need to fill both cups with the water from the fountain…then put the mermaid tear in one of the cups…then the person u want to give immortality to gas to drink the cup with the tear in it, while the other person drinks from the cup that doesn’t have the tear…the one with tear gives life  while the one without the tear takes life…so in other words the only way to get immortality or alot more years to live is well draining the life from the second person….lovely….so Angelica is gonna give her life up to let her psychopathic father live…how….sweet?)…ok so they travel to a island called white cap bay…and its night time…..Jack and Black Beard and some men go up to the light tower and turn on the light tower light …so let’s skip the part where Scrum falls in love with a mermaid and almost gets his face bitten…off…thats right these mermaids drag people to the depths of the ocean…and or bite their faces off…this scene ends with a mermaid and a priest looking at each other….then black beard crew comes and puts a net over her face…and takes her out of the water…also while this happens Jack Sparrow blew up the tower and jumped into the ocean and says did anybody see that? Because ill not be doing it again…lolol….anyways next day Barbossa and his men and Gibbs get to white cap bay…and they see dead mermaids on the beach…also on top of that they see mermaids attacking their ship….how lovely…..so now there walking on foot to the fountain….so while that’s happening…Jack and Black Beard and Angelica and Scrum and the priest and the zombie henchmen are ahead of Barbossa…..and well they make it to a broken bridge that’s cut in half…..so Black Beard forces Jack Sparrow to jump into the river and go find the Challises….so then well he jumps before Angelica does…because she was about to….so anyway it takes Jack a day to find a ship wreck that is holding the Challises…down side the ship is hanging off the side of a mountain ….how?…who cares…its freaking pirates of the Caribbean….so anyways he goes into the ship and he finds Barbossa sitting there…they both try to fight….well they can’t because the ship is unbalanced and even one movement or anything…the ship will fall…so they both agree to not to fight and they find the box under the bed thats holding the Challises…they both open it and guess what….the Challises are gone…the Spaniards got there first and took the cups….ok now its perfect time then any to tell u the prophecy in this movie….and why Black Beard is wanting eternal youth…..so Black Beard quarter master told him of a prophecy that Black Beard will die by the hands of the one legged man…so Black Beard wants immortality so he can cheat death…..also take any guesses who this one legged man is… if u guessed Barbossa..then u sure or mam…are correct….ok back to the story….so Barbossa and Jack go to the camp that the Spaniards set up….they try getting the Challises, but they get captured….so while this happens we cut back to Black beard and his men….and they decide to leave the mermaid behind and tie her up to a tree and have her body sticking half way out the water so she barley gets any water…so basically form of torture…till she gives up a single tear…..Black Beard figures out that, the priest and the mermaid are in love…so he Threatens to kill the guy if she doesn’t give them a tear….she doesn’t and they cut his upper chest and they toss him off a hill…..don’t worry he ain’t dead…. so anyways we cut back to Jack Sparrow and Barbossa and they’re both tied up to a tree….and now we find out how Barbossa lost the black pearl and why he is so Determined to get to the fountain…so one night Black Beard and his ship attacked Barbossa and his ship….Black Beard used his sword to bring the ropes on the black pearl to life…and well the rope ties around Barbossa leg and in that moment of survival…he cut his own leg off instead of letting the rope drag him to the lower depths of the ocean…  oh and now Black Beard has the black pearl in a bottle…thats what he does ..he puts every ship he attacks into bottles…how? Who the heck knows….so he wants to get to the fountain to get revenge and kill Black Beard…his plan is to stab his poisoned sword through Black Beard heart…yeah Barbossa poisoned his sword….clever….so anyways Jack and Barbossa escape…and right before they leave, Jack was able to grab both Challises….so then Jack Sparrow catches back up with Black Beard the next day and he bring mr Gibbs and mr Gibbs is holding the cups…..before he hands the cups to Black Beard, he well asks for his compass back….and well that trade happens….then they start leaving….and they leave mr Gibbs behind…Jack hands mr Gibbs the compass and says go to where it tells u to go….(or something like that)…..so anyway now Jack and well u know…find the cave to the fountain of youth…oh right side note…I forget to mention that night before…the priest guy made it back to the mermaid and he tried freeing her and she started tearing up a bit so they put her tear into a small bottle…..so besides that now they found the cave….at first it looks like a dead end..but then Jack reads off both cups…and thats causes a water like portal to appear over them….Jack goes through…and then Black Beard and bis men do….as soon as anything happens…Barbossa and the British come in…and a epic battle happens….Barbossa and Black Beard fight….while this is happening Jack tries to get the cups from Angelica….so a small sword fight happens between them ..and while this happens the priest dude goes back to the mermaid and frees her…and she just swims away….so anyways back at the battle…Black Beard knocks Barbossa onto the floor and as he was about to kill Barbossa, the Spaniards come in…and they start tearing down the place and the leader of the Spaniards well tosses the Challises into a small pool of ocean….so then well while this happens….the Spaniard leader pulls a sword at Black Beard and was about to fight him …but then Barbossa gets up behind Black Beard and he cuts him in the hand…and Black Beard turns around saying what devil is this…and Barbossa stabs him in the chest and says for the pearl….of course Angelica is upset and yells WHAT HAVE U DONE!!?….she runs over to her dying father and she tries pulling the sword out…but of course the sword scratches her so now she’s poisoned….so now Jack goes to that small pool of water…and tries to find the cups…instead the mermaid bring the cups out of the water and hands them to Jack…and as she is about to leave she says..do not waste my tear….so now Jack goes to the crushed fountain and he gets some water in it…and puts a tear into one cup…and well somehow tricks Black Beard into taking the cup that doesn’t have the tear….oh right because he made Black Beard think that the cup he hands him has the tear in it…but instead it was the other way around.. he handed Angelica the cup with the tear…so now she’s healed and the poison is out of her.  And her dad dies in a brutal way….a pool of water flows towards Black Beard and swarms around him…and the water tears off all his skin and flesh until he is just a pile of bones…..Jesus christ Disney….

Here’s that clip if yall are wondering

anyways Barbossa takes over the queen Ann’s revenge…and he takes Black Beard sword and crew……oh and he puts back on his iconic outfit….minus the hat because he can’t find it..but one of his pirate crew….a kid to be precise….finds his hat bellow decks and brings it up to Barbossa and he puts on his hat….and well decides to tear up his British agreements he had…and decides to set course to Tortuga…..yay…

So Jack Sparrow meets mr Gibbs on a island…and he has the black pearl in a bottle including the rest of the ships that black Beard had…….the movie ends with Jack and mr Gibbs walking in the sunset…the end…and the runtime is 2 hours and 17 min…and this film has a end credits scene where it shows Angelica stranded on a island that Jack Sparrow left her on..and a voodoo doll of Jack Sparrow washes up on land..and she picks it up and grins…and that’s it…if u think that’s gonna go anywhere…….ur wrong…because it goes nowhere…..so I give this film a 8/10…not the best but not the worst