Red One (2024)

“When Christmas Magic Meets… Absolutely Nothing New.”

🎞️ Let’s start by showing y’all the trailers shall we?

(And yes — this review is late. But honestly, this movie wasn’t exactly begging me to rush out a masterpiece critique.)

Because there is clearly not enough Christmas movies, I mean seriously at this point we have about as much Christmas movies as we do Christmas songs.


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🎄 Non-Spoiler Plot Overview

Red One is Amazon’s attempt to make a Christmas blockbuster franchise — something in the spirit of Jumanji, The Santa Clause, Guardians of the Galaxy, and Fast & Furious all duct-taped together with candy cane stripes.

Santa is kidnapped.
Dwayne Johnson recruits Chris Evans.
CGI creatures appear.
Christmas lore is expanded.
A “big conspiracy” is revealed.
Nothing feels new.

It’s festive, it’s loud, it’s shiny, it’s overproduced — and at the end of the day, absolutely nothing about it sticks.

It is the cinematic equivalent of eating a sugar cookie that looks amazing… and tastes like wet cardboard.


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🧑‍🤝‍🧑 Character Rundown

Dwayne Johnson — Callum Drift (playing Dwayne Johnson)

A heroic security chief for the North Pole.
He lifts heavy things, throws heavy things, and acts like the moral backbone of the story.
It’s Dwayne Johnson being Dwayne Johnson — not bad, but not surprising.

Chris Evans — Jack O’Malley (clearly trying to escape the good guy Captain America Allegations)

A sarcastic, morally gray con-man.
He’s the “wild card” of the duo.
Evans is trying — you can SEE him trying — but the script is too generic to let him go full chaotic gremlin.

Hes also a level 4 naughty lister, yes a level 4 naughty lister? Umm so did someone’s kid come in and write the dialog?

J.K. Simmons — Santa (a.k.a. “The Red One”)

Literally the best part.
Buff, wise, warm, funny — everything Santa should be.
And he’s barely in the movie. Pain.

Lucy Liu — Commander Vance

The head of the North Pole security force.
She SHOULD be iconic.
Instead she gets maybe ten minutes of screentime and dialogue as generic as a Costco Christmas wreath.

Supporting Cast

They exist.
They’re fine.
None leave an impression.


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⏳ Pacing / Episode Flow

The movie never stops moving.
Not in an exciting way — in a “please calm down” way.

It goes:

Joke

Lore dump

Creature fight

Joke

Exposition

Chase scene

Joke


…for two straight hours.

You never feel bored, but you never feel invested either.


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🌟 Pros

J.K. Simmons is the best live-action Santa we’ve had in years.

Some creature concepts are fun — you can tell someone in the art department cared.

Chris Evans occasionally steals scenes.

The production budget is clearly massive.

A few jokes and meta references land.



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👎 Cons

The story is painfully predictable.

The world-building feels like a Frankenstein mash-up of other movies.

No emotional core.

The action lacks stakes.

Dwayne Johnson feels like he’s recycling characters.

Some scenes try SO hard to be cool that they loop into cringe.

Zero uniqueness — you’ve seen every idea here done better elsewhere.



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🎁 Final Thoughts (The Jarrod Rant)

Okay, rant time.

This movie feels less like a story and more like a Christmas-themed command strip of Hollywood leftovers.
It’s safe.
It’s sanitized.
It’s trying too hard to be “fun for the whole family,” but ends up offering nothing truly memorable for… well, anyone.

There’s no spark.
No fresh twist on the Christmas mythos.
No standout emotional moment.
Just very expensive wallpaper.

And what frustrates me the most is the wasted potential.
Chris Evans should’ve been allowed to be unhinged.
Lucy Liu should’ve had a bigger arc.
J.K. Simmons should’ve been the heart of the story.
Instead, everything is buried under mountains of CGI noise and an overlong plot that thinks being “big” means being “meaningful.”

It doesn’t.
And Red One proves it.


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⭐ Rating

5/10

Festive, expensive, harmless… and completely forgettable.


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⚠️ Spoiler Warning

Everything below this point reveals the full plot, the villain, the twist, and all the details Amazon hoped you’d think were clever.


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🎅 SPOILERS — FULL BREAKDOWN (EXPANDED)

The film begins by showing us the North Pole — but not the whimsical, magical one from classic films.
No.
This is the militarized, corporate-built version, complete with tactical elves, snowmobiles, scanners, and a mythological security force.

Santa Claus, known formally as “The Red One,” is played by the absolute legend J.K. Simmons — buff, grounded, and overflowing with personality. He’s everything you want in a modern Santa… and the movie barely lets him exist before he gets kidnapped.

The inciting incident:
A mysterious attacker infiltrates the North Pole, bypassing its high-tech defenses, and abducts Santa. The elves panic, Christmas operations freeze, and Commander Vance (Lucy Liu) initiates lockdown protocols.

Callum Drift (Dwayne Johnson) is put in charge of getting Santa back.
He’s loyal, stoic, and deadly serious — which is fine, except the movie desperately wants to be a comedy-action hybrid. The tonal mismatch begins immediately.

Callum recruits Jack O’Malley (Chris Evans), a charming thief who has a past connection to the magical world. Jack reluctantly agrees — not because he believes in Christmas spirit, but because he’s blackmailed by the North Pole into helping.

From here, they travel through several magical environments:

1. The Yuleverse (yes, that’s what they call it)

A realm containing all Christmas-related mythology.
Elf towns, enchanted forests, reindeer stables, creature sanctuaries, portals — it looks cool… but nothing stands out.

It’s Christmas flavoring without Christmas soul.

2. The Krampus Forest

One of the coolest ideas — a monstrous region inhabited by Krampus-like beings — but the movie turns it into a quick action-comedy sequence instead of letting the horror aspect shine.

3. Frost Guard Citadel

A fortress housing ancient magical artifacts.
Again, awesome idea.
But the scene plays out like a Marvel B-plot.

Along the way, we learn that Santa’s kidnapper is using a rare magical artifact to suppress Santa’s powers — and the kidnapper seems to know the North Pole’s secrets a little too well.

Creatures attack, portals collapse, Chris Evans yells sarcastically, The Rock punches things, and a LOT of CGI flies around.

Eventually, the big twist drops:

The villain was someone inside the magical community with access to the North Pole’s infrastructure — essentially a Christmas-world insider who thinks Santa is outdated.

They want to replace Santa with a more “efficient” system — a corporate-style distribution network powered by stolen magic.

It’s basically: “What if Amazon Prime tried to overthrow Santa?”

Jack and Callum infiltrate the villain’s lair, rescue Santa, and trigger a giant showdown involving:

exploding ornaments

enchanted weapons

reindeer rampages

elves using combat gear

The Rock doing wrestling moves

Santa going full “buff warrior mode”


The villain is defeated, the Yuleverse is saved, and Santa thanks everyone with a heartfelt speech that almost feels like it belongs in a better movie.

Yes this isnt a joke, also on a side nore yes both Chris Evans and his son break free of the snowglobe with the power of apology. No really who wrote this script?

The film ends with:
✔️ a suggestion of future adventures
✔️ hints that the Yuleverse has more threats
✔️ a setup for a sequel
✔️ an obvious “franchise bait” smile

…that doesn’t feel earned.

Fade to credits.

I don’t usually do this, but I have to for thjs film. But in my opinion Honest Trailers put this film perfectly, so here’s the Honest Trailer of this film, happy holidays everyone.