The King’s Man (2021)

🪦 Or: How to Accidentally Make a War Drama, a Meme Dance Video, and a Sheep Commercial All in One Movie


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🎬 Let’s start with showing y’all the trailers, shall we?

The trailers promised us a stylish, over-the-top Kingsman prequel. You know, more umbrella fights, slick suits, British sass. What we got instead? A weird Frankenstein mashup of Downton Abbey, 1917, and Napoleon Dynamite’s Rasputin dance audition.

🎬 A Director Who Can’t Get Out of His Own Way

Let’s talk about Matthew Vaughn, the man behind this franchise. On paper, he’s a stylish director with flair — he gave us Kick-Ass and the original Kingsman: The Secret Service, both fun, subversive, and full of slick action. But somewhere along the way, he became obsessed with his own creation and forgot the golden rule: story comes first.

There’s something almost tragic here — Vaughn clearly loves this franchise, but he never seems able to get his head out of his own ass long enough to craft a coherent script. Every sequel or spin-off gets bloated with nonsense: cannibal burgers, Rasputin TikTok dance fights, endless plot twists, and tonal whiplash that could give you whiplash. It’s like he keeps throwing darts at a board labeled “LOL shocking moment?” and hopes something sticks.

The problem isn’t lack of talent — Vaughn can direct the hell out of a scene. The action is gorgeous, the cinematography is sleek, the costumes pop. But when it comes to script and tone, he sabotages himself. Instead of sharpening the Kingsman universe into something tight and clever, he bloats it into incoherence. The man’s obsessed with the toys but ignores the toolbox.

So yeah, Matthew Vaughn: thank you for the first film. But with each new entry, you’ve proven one thing — you can’t leave your own franchise alone, and you keep dragging it deeper into chaos instead of greatness.



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📖 Non-Spoiler Plot Rundown

The idea here was to give us the origin story of the Kingsman agency. Sounds cool, right? Except instead of focusing on what makes the Kingsman universe unique, this movie decides it wants to be… a serious World War I drama? Then a wacky alt-history parody with real figures like Rasputin thrown in? Then back to a somber father-son tragedy? It’s like the movie itself couldn’t decide which aisle at Blockbuster to sit on.


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👥 Character Rundown

Orlando Oxford (Ralph Fiennes) – Our lead gentleman spy who acts like he’s in a serious Oscar-bait war epic, not a goofy Kingsman flick. Ralph gives it gravitas, but he’s stranded in a tonal trainwreck.

Conrad Oxford (Harris Dickinson) – His son, who desperately wants to fight in the war. Problem is, his storyline belongs in 1917, not a Kingsman prequel.

Grigori Rasputin (Rhys Ifans) – The absolute fever dream of the film. Rhys Ifans (yep, The Lizard from The Amazing Spider-Man) goes all in on this role. He’s creepy, lecherous, licking wounds, and yes… dancing like a TikTok influencer from 1916. He was heavily marketed as the Big Bad, but dies halfway through in an over-the-top swordfight/dance-off that feels like it escaped from another movie entirely. His death scene is ridiculous, sudden, and ultimately meaningless — making all that marketing hype look like a scam. A total waste of a great actor.

Shola (Djimon Hounsou) – The butler and right-hand man. Easily the most compelling character, but he’s sidelined way too often.

Polly (Gemma Arterton) – The brains of the operation disguised as a governess. She’s likable but underused, another wasted opportunity.

Triple Royalty (Tom Hollander) – Playing King George, Kaiser Wilhelm, AND Tsar Nicholas. Three roles, one actor… and none of it adds anything to the Kingsman lore.



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🎭 The Tone Problem

This movie has no clue what it wants to be. One moment, it’s trench warfare tragedy with serious father-son themes. The next, Rasputin is doing a ballet-fu routine while licking Ralph Fiennes’ leg wound. Then suddenly we’re watching monarchs chill on a mountain with sheep. It’s not edgy, not funny, not emotional — it’s just confused.


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🌄 Pros

The scenery and cinematography are genuinely gorgeous. Sweeping landscapes, period-accurate costumes, lavish production design.

Rhys Ifans had fun as Rasputin, even if the script wasted him.



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💀 Cons

Rasputin was marketed as the Big Bad, only to be killed off halfway through with no lasting impact. The trailers basically catfished us.

His infamous Rasputin dance fight became a meme — and not in the way the filmmakers hoped.

Shoving real historical figures into Kingsman lore feels awkward, pointless, and tonally off.

Constant tonal whiplash: is it a war drama? An alt-history comedy? A Kingsman movie? It doesn’t know.

The story doesn’t enrich or connect to the main Kingsman films in any meaningful way.



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💬 Final Thoughts

The Kingsman franchise has been going downhill with each installment. The Secret Service was lightning in a bottle. The Golden Circle was messy but at least fun. The King’s Man? It’s the franchise looking in the mirror, shrugging, and going: “What if we just… made a war movie, shoved Rasputin in for memes, and hoped no one noticed?”

Rating: 3/10 – Gorgeous scenery, wasted talent, total identity crisis.


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🚨 Spoiler Warning – Major Rant Incoming 🚨

Rasputin’s Death: He dies halfway through, stabbed and drowned in an absurd ballet-like duel. The problem? He had no bearing on the overall plot. His whole existence in the movie was marketing bait. The posters, the trailers, the hype — all pushed Rasputin as the big villain. And then… poof, gone. What a waste of Rhys Ifans, who has the range to play creepy as hell. (Again, this man was the freaking Lizard in Spider-Man — and they still gave him nothing of consequence to do here.)

Yes u saw all of that correctly, yes its as dumb as I underplayed it. Somehow worse if u ask me.

The father-son tragedy subplot drags the movie into a completely different genre. It’s like two movies fighting for dominance, and both lose.

That sheep-mountain hideout. Was this a spy movie or a tourism ad for shepherding?

The “secret mastermind” twist at the end feels forced, like the movie remembered it was supposed to connect to Kingsman and rushed it in at the last second.

🩸 Spoiler Expansion – Conrad’s Death

One of the strangest tonal shifts comes with Conrad Oxford (Harris Dickinson). He spends the movie wanting to fight in World War I against his father’s wishes. Eventually, he goes to the front lines… and dies. Brutally. Shot and killed after a tense trench sequence.

Now, in a different war movie (1917, All Quiet on the Western Front), that scene might have worked. But in a Kingsman prequel? It feels completely out of place. Instead of clever spy antics or fun alt-history twists, we’re suddenly plunged into a bleak, somber war drama. It’s like the film forgot it was supposed to be setting up a stylish spy franchise and decided to trauma-dump a serious Oscar moment on us.

Worse, this subplot drags the pacing and hijacks the tone. We came for Rasputin chaos and Kingsman lore, but we got trench warfare misery. Ralph Fiennes is left brooding, the movie goes dour, and the energy flatlines until the third act.



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🧵 Final Stitch

This wasn’t a Kingsman prequel — it was a confused mashup of war film, bad fanfiction history, and meme marketing gone wrong. Instead of enriching the lore, it dilutes it.