The Phantom Of The Opera (2004)

The Phantom of the Opera (2004)

Zero of Ten, a Mask for Nothing

⚠️ Disclaimer: This review might offend some Phantom lovers, but hey — I’ve got history with this franchise, and it’s not good history.

Lets start by showing y’all the trailers shall we? (Sighhhhhh)

🎭 Trailer:

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Personal History with the IP

Before I even saw this movie, I was already scarred (pun intended) by Phantom. Back in elementary school, my class had to perform the Phantom of the Opera song at a talent show. Now, let me ask you — who on earth thinks “Phantom of the Opera” is an appropriate talent show pick for a bunch of kids? It’s not playful, it’s not funny, and it sure as hell isn’t kid-friendly. There’s no talent in standing there awkwardly while belting out “THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA IS THERE…” like tiny Broadway rejects. So yeah, this IP has been cursed for me since childhood.

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Non-Spoiler Rundown

The movie is exactly what it says on the tin: melodramatic opera house, broody masked man, swooning soprano, and a lot of singing about love, scars, and chandeliers. It’s supposed to be gothic, romantic, and tragic. For me? It’s overwrought, ridiculous, and unintentionally hilarious.

Gerard Butler plays the Phantom — and listen, the man is fine in 300, but here? His singing feels like karaoke night on Halloween. Emmy Rossum plays Christine, who is basically caught in a weird love triangle where her choices are:

1. Normal, loving boyfriend Raoul.

2. Creepy dude who hides in the basement and murders people if she doesn’t love him.

Why is this even a choice?

Segment for Comedic Song/Commentary

This movie is basically the definition of melodrama on steroids. You want proof? Here’s the recipe:

Take one moody man in a cape.

Add a soprano with the decision-making skills of a wet sponge.

Sprinkle in a love triangle that no sane person would entertain.

Bake in nonstop singing about how tragic everything is.

Congratulations, you’ve made Phantom of the Opera, a movie that manages to be both boring and exhausting at the same time.

Also here’s the iconic infamous song in my opinion.

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Final Thoughts

I know some people worship this movie as high art. I am not one of them. Between my cursed school talent show flashbacks, Gerard Butler’s “opera” voice, and the sheer ridiculousness of the climax, this is an easy 0/10 for me.

If you want gothic romance, go read Crimson Peak. If you want great music, there are dozens of better musicals. And if you want melodrama this bad? Just watch a soap opera. At least those don’t have kids forced to sing them at talent shows.

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Spoilers and Melodrama Ahead 🚨

Let’s talk about the climax, because it’s where the melodrama hits maximum overload. The Phantom literally chains Christine’s lover, Raoul, to a gate and forces her into the dumbest ultimatum in musical history:

“Say you love me and save him, or say you don’t and watch him die.”

Excuse me? That’s supposed to be romantic? No, that’s literally emotional terrorism in a basement. And Christine, for some reason, still feels torn between this psycho and the guy who actually treats her well.

The Phantom’s scars aren’t even that bad, by the way. He covers half his face with a mask, which just draws more attention to it. Honestly, without the mask, you’d barely notice. With the mask, he looks like a half-finished cosplay of Two-Face.

And then we get the singing. Oh, the singing. Everyone is pouring their souls out like this is Shakespeare’s final draft of Romeo & Juliet, but it lands like a melodramatic soap opera with better costumes.