🕰️ The House with a Clock in Its Walls (2018) 🕰️

Let’s start by showing y’all the trailers shall we? 🎥

Since this is a Universal film, Y’all know what that means? Cue the Universal Logo!

—

Non-Spoiler Plot Rundown

Another book adaptation? Oh joy. Just what Hollywood needed: another studio mining the dusty pages of a children’s novel for the next “family-friendly dark fantasy.” This one, directed by Eli Roth (yes, the Hostel guy somehow doing a kids’ movie), is about a boy named Lewis Barnavelt (Owen Vaccaro) who moves in with his eccentric uncle Jonathan (Jack Black). Jonathan lives in a massive gothic house filled with secrets, magic, and—of course—a mysterious clock ticking inside its walls. Helping Jonathan is Florence Zimmerman (Cate Blanchett), a witty and powerful witch who’s both neighbor and best friend.

The tone is where things get… complicated. The film wants to be dark and gothic, with necromancers, demonic clocks, and looming apocalypse vibes. But then, it constantly undercuts itself with goofy slapstick and childish humor—including two fart jokes so bad they deflate whatever tension the story tries to build. One involves a hedge lion literally farting and pooping leaves. The other? A CGI baby with Jack Black’s face farting in close-up. 🫠

It’s like the movie didn’t know if it wanted to be Goosebumps, Harry Potter, or Paranorman, so it tried to be all three at once and tripped over its own tone.

And here’s where everything suddenly makes sense—and at the same time makes absolutely no sense. Guess who directed this movie? Eli Roth. Yep, that Eli Roth. The man behind Hostel, Cabin Fever, and other gore-soaked “let’s ruin your lunch” horror flicks. Such as the Green Inferno.

If you don’t know what The Green Infwrno is? Then plz continue to not, ur better off not knowing.

The guy whose brand is torture, infections, and eyeballs falling out—now steering a PG kids’ fantasy film about clocks, magic, and fart jokes.

On one hand, it explains the random bursts of creep factor—the unsettling dolls, the grotesque necromancer design, the whole “this feels a little too intense for a PG movie” vibe. On the other hand, it also explains why the movie feels like it’s having an identity crisis. Eli Roth doesn’t do subtle. He doesn’t do whimsical. So you get this bizarre mash-up of creepy atmosphere smashed right against goofy slapstick. It’s like the film itself can’t decide if it’s supposed to traumatize kids or make them giggle.


—

Cast & Characters

Jack Black as Jonathan Barnavelt: A goofy warlock who’s equal parts cool uncle and bumbling magician. Black brings energy, but his style clashes with the darker side of the story.

Cate Blanchett as Florence Zimmerman: Easily the best part of the film. Dry wit, sharp comebacks, and her chemistry with Black is the highlight. She feels like she wandered in from a better movie.

Owen Vaccaro as Lewis Barnavelt: Our young protagonist, trying to find his place in this strange new world. He’s awkward, nerdy, and constantly mocked at school—especially when he befriends the wrong people.

Kyle MacLachlan as Isaac Izard: The necromancer villain, long dead but still causing problems thanks to his clock-based scheme. He’s more creepy conceptually than in execution.

Renée Elise Goldsberry as Selena Izard: The neighbor who seems nice and sweet but—well, we’ll get to her in spoilers.



—

Pacing

The film is uneven. The opening sells the spooky tone, but the middle gets bogged down in unfunny gags and drawn-out magical nonsense. Then the climax ramps back into horror-lite with undead necromancers and apocalyptic clocks… but by then the tonal whiplash has already taken its toll.

Horror Elements 🎃

For a PG-rated family flick, The House with a Clock in Its Walls does lean harder into horror imagery than you’d expect. Sometimes it works, sometimes it’s just there for “spooky window dressing.”

The Doll Room: The creepiest set piece in the house is a hidden chamber stuffed wall-to-wall with porcelain dolls, their glassy eyes staring in every direction. Of course, this being a creepy kids’ movie, they eventually come to life. The jerky movements and clicking of their jaws are nightmare fuel if you’re under 12.

The Undead Necromancer: Kyle MacLachlan’s Isaac Izard isn’t just resurrected—he’s half-rotted, his skin peeling back in patches like he’s been dug out of a grave. It’s surprisingly grisly for a film that also features CGI baby Jack Black farting.

Pumpkin Monsters: During the climax, the house is attacked by jack-o’-lanterns that sprout limbs and fangs. These aren’t your friendly Halloween pumpkins; they’re warped, toothy, and glowing from within, with jagged carved smiles that look straight out of a demonic carving contest.


It’s this weird tug-of-war between actual horror imagery (rotting necromancers, possessed dolls, evil pumpkins) and silly slapstick (leaf-pooping hedge lions, CGI fart babies) that makes the tone so uneven.



—

Pros ✅

A surprisingly gothic atmosphere for a kids’ film.

Cate Blanchett is incredible and saves half the movie.

The production design of the house is gorgeous and dripping with character.



—

Cons ❌

Tonal confusion: is this a horror-fantasy or a fart-joke comedy?

The subplot with Lewis and his “fake friend” feels tacked on.

The central mystery is way less clever than the film thinks.

And then there’s the hedge lion. Oh yes, let’s talk about this running gag that singlehandedly sums up why the movie’s tone is such a mess. You’ve got a film that opens with dead relatives, creepy porcelain dolls, and an undead necromancer — and then out of nowhere the topiary lion is reduced to farting and having diarrhea. Not once, but as a recurring gag. It’s not just low-brow, it’s sub-basement comedy. It’s like the writers had a moment of panic and thought, “Well, when in doubt… poop joke?” And the worst part is how it undermines the atmosphere the movie should have. You can’t tell me you want gothic fantasy vibes when you’re literally cutting away to a hedge bush blowing leaves out of its ass. It feels like Looney Tunes wandered into a Goosebumps episode, and it completely wrecks the balance between horror and whimsy the film keeps pretending it wants to strike.




—

Final Thoughts & Rating

This movie is… fine. Just fine. It has moments of real atmosphere and a strong Blanchett performance, but it constantly undercuts itself with juvenile humor that belongs in a lesser Nickelodeon movie. For a story with gothic necromancers, soul sacrifices, and world-ending clocks, it deserved sharper teeth.

⭐ 6/10


—

Spoilers Ahead ⚠️

Alright, let’s dig into the guts of this thing.

The “clock in the walls” everyone keeps talking about? Yeah, it’s basically a doomsday clock. Necromancer Isaac Izard built it before his death, and when it strikes its final moment, it’s supposed to bring him back from the grave. The kicker? Jonathan has lived in this house for decades and never managed to find it. Really? Dude—you live there. Maybe check the walls?

The twist: kindly neighbor Selena Izard is actually Isaac’s lover, still alive and secretly working to revive him. She plays the sweet older neighbor routine while manipulating events behind the scenes. Once the mask comes off, she’s just another “creepy witch bride” type.

Meanwhile, Lewis struggles at school, wanting to impress his crush. A fake friendship subplot brews—Tarby (the popular kid) pretends to like him only to humiliate him later. Lewis tries to prove himself by dabbling in dangerous magic, which of course pushes the plot toward the Izards’ plan succeeding.

And yes… about those jokes. The hedge lion farting leaves? Painful. The Jack Black baby CGI fart gag? Absolutely nightmare fuel. Imagine trying to build a creepy necromancer resurrection scene and then cutting away to that.

In the end, Lewis and Jonathan (with help from Florence) defeat the Izards, stop the clock, and save the world. But the victory feels more cartoonish than satisfying, like the movie’s still embarrassed of its own horror potential.

Why Isaac Flops as a Villain

Isaac (Kyle MacLachlan) should’ve been nightmare fuel. We’re talking a necromancer with rotting skin, fresh out of the grave, commanding dark magic. On paper? Terrifying. In practice? Petty. His big evil master plan is… wait for it… hiding a clock in Jonathan’s house just so the ticking drives him insane. That’s not villainy, that’s prank-level pettiness. Dude’s less “lord of darkness” and more “haunted HOA president with too much free time.”

It’s the same vibe as Christoph Waltz’s Blofeld in Spectre. They hype him up as the ultimate mastermind… then pull back the curtain and you realize his whole motivation is basically: “I’m mad at you personally.” Like wow, congratulations, Isaac — you’re basically the magical version of a jealous ex.

The wasted potential is what stings. If the clock had been some ancient Lovecraftian device buried in the house long before Jonathan moved in — something cosmic and inevitable — Isaac would’ve felt unstoppable. Instead, we got a necromancer whose grand plan boils down to: “Heh heh, your walls will tick forever.”

So congrats, Isaac. You’re not the harbinger of doom. You’re a haunted cuckoo clock salesman.