The House of the Dead 2: Remake – Reloaded, But With Blanks

Lets start by showing y’all the trailers shall we?

🎥 Trailers

Roll the trailers… and then roll your eyes, because once again, a remake takes something iconic and drains it like a vampire at a blood bank.


—

🧟 Non-Spoiler Rundown

The House of the Dead 2 is legendary: cheesy dialogue, arcade pacing, branching paths, and one of the most quotable villains in video game history. So, how do you mess up a remake of something that simple? By making it look uglier, sound worse, and feel clunkier than the 1998 original. All the levels and bosses are here, sure, but this remake manages to suck out every ounce of campy charm.


—

🎭 Characters & Story

AMS agents are back, but instead of the so-bad-it’s-good line reads, we get wooden delivery that’s just plain bad.

Goldman — once hilariously theatrical — now sounds like a bored cowboy. Not intimidating, not meme-worthy, just wrong.

Civilians? Still screaming. But instead of “bad acting” funny, it’s “did they record this on a broken mic?” bad.



—

🎮 Gameplay

Still a short arcade blast with branching routes, multiple endings, and boss fights.

Co-op is the highlight. Grab a friend, laugh at the nonsense, and you’ll have some fun.

Controls? A nightmare. Stick aiming feels like dragging a fridge through molasses, gyro is twitchy, and the cursor wanders like it’s drunk. On PC it’s tolerable with a mouse — but on console, it’s a mess.

Worse, they cut features. No Horde Mode from the first remake. Extra weapons? Nerfed. Replay value? Slim.



—

🎨 Graphics

Everything looks dark, muddy, and red. The original’s arcade colors are gone; now it looks like someone smeared BBQ sauce on the lens.

Models are higher res, but paired with stiff 90s animations they look worse.

Gore has been neutered. Zombies don’t explode in satisfying chunks — they poof into ash. Kids in danger from the original? Replaced with adults, but they kept the child voice lines. Lazy and creepy.



—

🔊 Sound

New voice acting? Awful. No camp, no fun, no charm. Just flat.

Original soundtrack finally returns — and thank god, because the new remixes are lifeless.

Sound mixing is all over the place, with gunfire drowning out music unless you fiddle with settings.



—

✅ Pros

Full game faithfully recreated.

Original soundtrack option is a lifesaver. So this game by default is 1 point above the 2021 remake, by a point.

Still fun in short co-op bursts.


❌ Cons

Controls are atrocious on console.

Missing content & nerfed extras.

Overly dark visuals strip away personality.

Bad voice acting kills the camp.

Technical hiccups: crashes, frame drops, texture pop-in.



—

📝 Final Thoughts

This should’ve been a slam dunk — it’s The House of the Dead 2, not Shakespeare. But somehow the remake team found a way to make it less fun, less stylish, and less memorable than a 27-year-old arcade cabinet. The first remake was bad, but this one is barely an improvement.

If you want real fun, dig out a Wii and HOTD 2 & 3 Return. Leave this remake in the grave.

Rating: 4/10
Nostalgia without soul is just necromancy.


—

⚠️ Spoilers

Branching paths and bosses are all intact, but stripped of impact.

Civilians in danger? Adults dubbed with child voices — immersion ruined.

Boss fights (Magician, Strength, Judgment, etc.) look more detailed, but play exactly the same. Just with clunkier controls.

Goldman’s final scene — the famous suicide jump — is here, but without the goofy camp it feels hollow. No iconic “It’s time to make a move” delivery. Just flat.

Multiple endings remain, but with weaker cutscenes that lack the original’s weird