Snake Eyes (2021) 🐍🎥

“The origin nobody asked for… told in the most boring way possible.”

Let’s start by showing y’all the trailers, shall we?

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The Story (Or Whatever This Was Supposed to Be)

Snake Eyes is supposed to be one of the coolest, most mysterious characters in the entire G.I. Joe franchise. He’s silent, masked, deadly, and dripping with badassery. Naturally, Hollywood looked at all that and went: “What if we take away literally everything people like about him?”

So here, we get Henry Golding as Snake Eyes. He talks. He whines. He pouts. He has daddy issues. He trains with ninjas. He takes his mask off every two minutes. Scratch that — he doesn’t even wear the mask until the last 5 seconds of the movie. The rest of the runtime he’s just Henry Golding with a sword.

The story? Paper thin. Snake Eyes is out for revenge against the guy who killed his dad. He gets roped into the Arashikage clan, trains to be a ninja, does a bunch of tests that feel like rejected Mortal Kombat challenges, and then — wait for it — he betrays the clan halfway through because… surprise! He was working with Cobra all along. Don’t worry, he changes his mind at the end and decides he’s actually a hero. Real inspiring.


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Characters & Actors Breakdown 🎭

Snake Eyes (Henry Golding) – Supposed to be stoic and mysterious. Instead, he’s emotional, whiny, and basically a Fast & Furious reject with a katana. The only thing “silent” about him is how fast audiences stopped talking about this movie after release.

Storm Shadow (Andrew Koji) – The best thing in the film, hands down. Loyal, conflicted, and with actual presence. Naturally, they waste him.

Kenta (Takehiro Hira) – The Arashikage clan’s rogue cousin who teams up with Cobra. Supposed to be the “big bad,” but he has all the menace of a tax accountant.

Baroness (Úrsula Corberó) – Cobra’s femme fatale. She’s here to sneer, chew scenery, and remind us Cobra exists. The problem is she barely feels threatening — more like cosplay at a comic convention.

Scarlett (Samara Weaving) – G.I. Joe cameo duty. She shows up just so the studio can remind us, “Hey, this is totally a G.I. Joe movie, promise!”

Arashikage Clan Elders – Plot devices disguised as characters. They exist to throw Snake Eyes into more “ninja tests” that look like bad video game side missions.



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The Designs 🛡️

Snake Eyes’ iconic black suit? Looks fine… for all of 5 seconds. Because the movie REFUSES to let him wear it. The rest of the time, he’s just a guy in a hoodie swinging swords. Storm Shadow at least looks solid, but by then you’re too checked out to care. Baroness looks like a cosplay version of herself, which doesn’t help the tone at all.


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Pros ✅

Andrew Koji as Storm Shadow. He actually feels like a character.

The action could have been good if the camera stopped shaking like it was filmed during an earthquake.



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Cons ❌

Snake Eyes won’t shut up.

He doesn’t wear the mask until the final seconds (what even was the point?).

The “tests” he has to go through are dumb filler. One of them literally involves CGI snakes judging his soul. 🐍

Cobra is barely in this, but the film still wants you to think they’re the big threat.

Any sense of mystery or coolness from Snake Eyes’ lore? Completely gone.



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Final Thoughts 💭

Snake Eyes (2021) is the definition of a movie that fundamentally misunderstands its own character. Instead of a stoic, masked badass, we get a talky, whiny mess with daddy issues. By the time the movie finally throws us the bone of putting Snake Eyes in his proper suit, the credits are already rolling.

At first you sit there annoyed, then by the end you realize: “Oh. This was never a Snake Eyes movie. This was a generic ninja flick with a G.I. Joe sticker slapped on top.”

⭐ Rating: 2/10


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Spoilers 🤐

Let’s expand the disaster:

Snake Eyes begins the film working with Cobra. Yes, the guy we’re supposed to root for — the silent badass from G.I. Joe lore — is actually helping the villains. Why? Because daddy issues. He wants revenge against his father’s killer, and Cobra dangles that carrot in front of him. So he lies his way into the Arashikage clan, earns their trust, and then betrays them. Our “hero,” folks.

Kenta, the Arashikage’s disgraced cousin, is the one helping Cobra and driving the evil plan. He uses Snake Eyes’ betrayal to grab the clan’s magical MacGuffin jewel, which can cause mass destruction. And guess what? It’s literally just a glowing rock that shoots laser beams. That’s the best they came up with.

Of course, Snake Eyes flip-flops back to being the good guy because… friendship? Honor? The script doesn’t really bother explaining. He teams up with Storm Shadow, who rightfully feels betrayed. Their alliance is temporary, and in the end Storm Shadow leaves vowing never to forgive him. At least that sets up their rivalry, but it’s all rushed.

Meanwhile, Baroness hangs around like she’s about to crash a Comic-Con panel, and Scarlett randomly parachutes in because Paramount wanted to remind us this is “connected” to G.I. Joe. Neither of them matter to the plot.

And then, the cherry on top: after two hours of talking, whining, and betraying, Snake Eyes finally puts on the mask. For about five seconds. The camera pans dramatically, music swells… and then the credits slam you in the face. That’s it. That’s your payoff.

If I was in the theater? The second Snake Eyes pulled that mask on at the literal last breath of the film, I’d have stood up, clapped once, and walked out muttering:
“Cool. Wish the movie was about THAT guy.”