Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (2017) 🛣️🤦‍♂️

Let’s start by showing y’all the trailers shall we? 🎥

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Non-Spoiler Plot Rundown:
Greg Heffley is back—or so the studio claims. This time, the Heffley family embarks on a chaotic road trip to attend Grandma’s 90th birthday party. Along the way, detours, disasters, and a bizarre pig subplot derail their plans. It’s supposed to be a quirky family comedy about bonding and growing closer through the mess… but really, it’s just a string of slapstick gags loosely tied together by “road trip” as an excuse.


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Character Breakdown:

Greg Heffley (Jason Drucker) – The smart-mouthed middle-schooler we know… except he feels more like a rebooted clone who’s still figuring out Greg’s voice.

Rodrick Heffley (Charlie Wright) – The biggest recast misfire of them all. Gone is the chaotic, somehow lovable band dude from the earlier films. In his place is… well, a guy who seems like he got lost on his way to a completely different movie. This Rodrick has none of the charm, charisma, or comedic timing—just awkward delivery and questionable hair choices.

Frank Heffley (Tom Everett Scott) – Dad is here, but the comedic spark from before? Missing.

Susan Heffley (Alicia Silverstone) – Overly peppy mom energy cranked to 11, sometimes to the point of feeling like a parody of the original character.

Manny Heffley (Dylan and Wyatt Walters) – Still Manny. Still getting away with everything.



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Pacing:
The movie tries to keep the energy up, but the pacing feels like a kid hyped on soda—chaotic, directionless, and exhausting after a while. It also can’t decide if it wants to be a “zany cartoon” or a grounded family comedy, so it ends up failing at both.


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Pros:

A few visual gags that might get a chuckle if you’re in the right mood.

The pig is cute… I guess? 🐖



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Cons:

The recasting is a huge downgrade across the board, with Rodrick being the most painful casualty.

Chemistry between the new cast members is nonexistent, making family scenes feel forced.

The humor often relies on gross-out jokes or unfunny slapstick rather than the sharp, awkward wit of the books.

The plot is barely a plot—it’s more like a sequence of skits taped together.

Feels disconnected from the tone of the earlier films, alienating longtime fans.



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Final Act Thoughts:
By the time the movie shuffles into its final stretch, it’s clear that The Long Haul isn’t here to add anything meaningful to the Wimpy Kid series. It’s an unnecessary reboot disguised as a sequel, banking on the brand name while delivering none of the charm. The third act is as forgettable as the rest—one last slapstick mess before a hollow “heartwarming” wrap-up that feels unearned. It’s the kind of ending where you can almost hear the studio saying, “Yeah, that’s good enough,” and moving on.

Final Rating: 3/10 😬


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Spoiler Warning 🚨

The “plot” is basically a chain of random disasters:

Greg becomes a viral meme after an embarrassing incident at a family restaurant.

The family constantly gets sidetracked thanks to bad planning, Rodrick’s idiocy, and Greg’s schemes.

They win a pig at a country fair, which somehow becomes their travel companion.

The infamous “Dad’s van in the mud” scene is dragged out like a sketch that overstays its welcome.

Greg ditches the family to attend a video game convention, which blows up in his face.

Manny, the toddler, somehow saves the day multiple times (because apparently toddlers can drive heavy machinery now).

In the end, the family still makes it to Grandma’s birthday, Greg’s “big plan” fails, and the pig gets left behind in a “heartwarming” but also weirdly rushed goodbye.


It’s less “road trip adventure” and more “a list of random inconveniences loosely related to travel.”


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