⚡ Review a.k.a. “Don’t Put Babies in Microwaves (Even if You’re Ezra Miller)”

The Flash: before I get into the controversy around Ezra Miller, let me show yall the trailers

🧠 Opening Thoughts:

Before we go any further—yeah, we have to talk about the Ezra Miller situation. The whole thing. The arrests. The accusations. The cult rumors. The headlines. WB’s choice to still release this film like everything was fine. It’s uncomfortable. So let’s just acknowledge that controversy exists, know that a lot of us are side-eyeing this movie because of it, and move forward—because this is a review of the film, not a legal breakdown.

That said…

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📖 Non-Spoiler Plot Rundown (Part 1):

So we open with Barry Allen (Ezra Miller) being called in by Batman and Alfred to help stop a robbery. Except Barry’s not ready—he’s waiting on a sandwich at a café like the world isn’t collapsing. The guy making the sandwich is moving slower than Barry in civilian clothes, so our hero sprints to the bathroom, suits up, and heads out.

Batman’s chasing robbers in a truck, and Flash’s job? Clean-up crew. He’s told to save people from a collapsing hospital. Cool, except the hospital is literally disintegrating. And falling out of it are:

• A nurse
• A dog
• And like eight CGI babies
  All in slow motion.

Now when I say CGI babies, I don’t mean “eh, they look kinda fake.” I mean they look like rejected characters from a PS2 cutscene. The dog? Equally cursed. It’s like WB forgot how rendering works.

Instead of saving them immediately, Barry takes time to… grab a snack from a vending machine mid-air. He literally fuels up before helping. He even tosses a pastry in a microwave—yes, a real microwave—and later puts a baby in there to protect it from debris. Yeah.

A baby. In a microwave.
You can’t make this up.

And after everything Ezra’s been accused of?
Y’know what—nope. Not touching that. But whoever approved that scene at WB… bold choice, man. Real bold.

Anyway, Barry saves everyone—somehow—and joins Batman on a bridge to stop the crooks, but guess who shows up to help? Wonder Woman. Because apparently, this is The Justice League featuring The Flash. She grabs the lasso of truth and saves Batman while also forcing everyone to awkwardly confess their deepest feelings:

• Batman says he’s “too manly” to show emotion
• Barry blurts out he knows what sex is… but he’s a virgin
• The audience collectively asks, “Was this necessary?”

Shortly after, Barry heads to work and bumps into Iris West, the girl he saved in Snyder’s Justice League. He’s falling for her. Barely knows her. But, sure. Romance. Check.

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🌀 And Then… Time Travel:

Barry gets home and accidentally discovers he can travel through time. He blinks back to the baby-saving hospital scene like it’s a Flashpoint blooper reel. So he calls Bruce Wayne to tell him, because clearly, that’s what you do when you accidentally shatter the rules of physics.

They meet outside over pizza like it’s casual, and Barry suggests going back to save his mom. Bruce says no. The timeline’s fragile. Past is the past. Mistakes are part of life. This is your standard “great power, greater consequence” speech.

Barry suggests going back to save Bruce’s parents. Bruce hits him with: “We can’t fix the past. We can only move forward.” Then walks off, saying maybe they’ll grab a drink next time. And that’s it. That’s the final goodbye to Batfleck. Just… pizza and pain.

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🕳️ The Speed Force (aka: Cutscene Hell):

No shocker—Barry ignores Bruce and jumps into the Speed Force to save his mom. This is where we get hit with the ugliest CGI you’ve ever seen outside of a 2002 bowling alley commercial. Floating characters. Dead-eyed digital versions of other DC heroes. The whole scene looks like someone’s bad VR nightmare.

Suddenly, a dark monster knocks Barry out of the Speed Force and hurls him into a version of the past where his mom is alive. Aww, sweet moment.

Until another Barry shows up.
A younger, more annoying, even goofier version of Ezra Miller. It’s Ezra… playing Ezra… turned up to 100.

To sneak away from the dinner table, Barry literally stands up and says:
“Ohh shit… I gotta take a shit.”
Oscar-worthy.

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⚡ Barry vs Barry: The Power Transfer Fiasco

OG Barry takes New Barry to recreate the accident that gave him powers, because of course he does. But New Barry has a date with Iris and doesn’t want to risk being electrocuted. Great priorities.

They go to the lab. Lightning hits. Chemicals fly. Except this time, New Barry gets powers… and OG Barry loses his. Love that for us.

OG Barry tries to phase through a wall and fails miserably. Tries to run. Trips. Screams. It’s giving slapstick. It’s giving “I miss Grant Gustin.”

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🔥 Barry Gets Naked (for… reasons?)

New Barry races through the city testing his powers. But his clothes burn off mid-run and we get a full-on Flash butt shot. He also causes a blackout and several car crashes. This is treated as comedy.

He returns home naked, Barry lectures him about clothing friction, and then they crash. Next morning? New Barry wakes up in bed after having sex with a coworker he hates. His current roommate is a dude Barry also hates. So OG Barry is now traumatized by an alternate version of his own life. Fun.

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❌ Where Are the Heroes?

Barry starts Googling for Wonder Woman, Aquaman, and Cyborg. Nothing. Doesn’t exist. But he does find Bruce Wayne.

Congratulations, Barry—you broke the multiverse and landed in a world with no metahumans. Except one…

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📺 Zod Returns + Burton Nostalgia

As they head to Wayne Manor, Zod’s invasion plays out across every TV at a diner. Yep. Michael Shannon is back as General Zod, but he’s just… there. Doesn’t bring anything new. Says the world will end unless the humans give up the Kryptonian. But plot twist—he was gonna destroy the world anyway.

Yay. Thanks, Barry.

Then—nostalgia bomb. They arrive at Tim Burton’s Wayne Manor. Old gothic architecture. Classic vibes. Inside, they meet a disheveled gray-haired guy who kung-fu flips out of a cabinet and attacks them with kitchenware.

It’s Michael Keaton, baby. Batman ‘89 is back. And somehow… knows all about the multiverse. Because reasons.

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🍝 The Spaghetti Multiverse

Keaton Bruce gives a multiverse lecture using spaghetti and pasta sauce. Yes. This is real. It’s weirdly charming. He mocks the idea of “Superman” being too on the nose as a name. Barry claps back with “you call yourself Batman.” Bruce counters with: “Yeah, but not Super-Batman.” Touché.

Barry asks for help. Bruce says no. Then immediately changes his mind after overhearing Barry’s sad speech to the Batcave cameras. Classic.

Cue the nostalgia shots:

• The 1989 Batmobile under a tarp
• Joker’s laughing bag
• The Batsuit wall reveal
• Suiting up Keaton-style
  It’s fan service—and yeah, it kinda works.

Batman lowers the Batwing—yes, that Batwing—suspended from chains like a chandelier from your childhood trauma. He steps out, all cool and gravelly:

Batman: “I’ll help you get your Superman… then you’re on your own.”
Barry: “You’re… you are…”
Batman: “Yeah. I’m Batman.”

AND I SCREAMED. I CHEERED. I THREW MY POPCORN. It was everything.

This scene? This moment? This is the kind of fan service I’m okay with.

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⭐ RATING: 6/10

Because let’s be honest… this movie has moments. Michael Keaton Batman is a gift. Ezra as Barry? Hit or miss. But the rest? Oof. That third act goes so off the rails it loops back around and hits itself in the face.

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⚠️ SPOILERS AHEAD – YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED ⚠️

Okay. Time to dive into the Speed Force dumpster fire that is the final act of The Flash.

So Barry and Barry break into a Russian base thinking they’re about to rescue Superman. Surprise! It’s Supergirl locked up in a tube. No sun, no food, just vibes. And for some reason her full superhero outfit is just sitting nearby like a folded hotel towel. Okay sure.

Once she gets sunlight, she goes full Kryptonian and demolishes the guards—but passes out. They take her to Wayne Manor to heal up. She initially refuses to help because “I hate humans,” but of course later agrees to join the fight after Barry guilt trips her.

Meanwhile, Barry wants his powers back. So Bruce Wayne becomes a science fair project: he straps Barry to an electric chair, surrounds him with chemicals, and hoists a bat-shaped kite into the sky to attract lightning. What is this, Ben Franklin: The Dark Knight Edition?

The lightning fries Barry, nearly kills him. But Supergirl (who JUST shows up at the exact right moment somehow) flies him into the sky and boom—Speed Force unlocked again. He’s got his powers back, baby.

They suit up. Barry gives Barry his old suit. Other Barry modifies a Batman costume with duct tape and red paint. The team is ready.

And Batman drops this cringey, out-of-nowhere line:

Batman: “Wanna get nuts? Come on… let’s get nuts.”

NO CONTEXT. NO LOGIC. JUST FAN SERVICE GLUED IN WITH A STAPLER.

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THE FINAL BATTLE: AKA “LET’S KILL THE FUN”

The crew heads to the desert (don’t ask why they’re there and not in a city—this film gave up explaining things 40 minutes ago) to face Zod. And wow… it gets DARK.

• Batman fights Kryptonians… with 1989 gadgets. He dies in a fiery crash because of course he does.
• Supergirl confronts Zod. He stabs her through the chest with his arm blade. Wait, I thought Kryptonians couldn’t be hurt by anything but Kryptonite? NOPE. Script says otherwise.
• Barry rewinds time. Tries again. Batman dies again. Supergirl dies again.
• Repeat. Again. And again. And again.

Turns out this is a fixed point in time. No matter what Barry does, they always die.

But Other Barry? He refuses to believe it. Keeps trying. Becomes obsessed. Slowly transforms into that creepy dark speedster we saw earlier. Yeah… it’s HIM. Future Evil Barry.

The reveal hits hard: the villain is literally Barry’s own trauma loop.

Then… Evil Barry pulls a gun.

Why?

BECAUSE REASONS.

Other Barry sacrifices himself to stop his older self, and they both vanish. Our Barry finally gets it: the only way to fix this is to go back and let his mom die.

So he does. He undoes it. He pulls the tomato can off the cart so his dad will look up at the camera and be exonerated—but ensures his mother dies like she was supposed to. Bittersweet? Try emotionally numb.

He returns to the present. His dad is found innocent at trial thanks to new security footage. All seems well…

Until Bruce Wayne pulls up to court.

AND IT’S GEORGE CLOONEY.

I wish I was kidding.

GEORGE CLOONEY. As Batman. As the new “current” Bruce Wayne.

Why? For laughs? For chaos? Because someone at Warner Bros. lost a bet?

Barry’s tooth falls out. The audience collectively screams internally.

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🎬 End Credits Scene: WHY EVEN?

Barry and Aquaman leave a bar. Arthur’s drunk. Falls in a puddle. Barry: “We need to get home.”
Aquaman: “This is my home.”

…because he’s Aquaman… and water… PUDDLE JOKE!! Ha. Ha.

No setup. No teaser. No meaning. Just… a wet man and a bad pun.

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FINAL THOUGHTS (for real this time)

This movie had potential. Michael Keaton gave it his all. The story had emotional beats that almost hit. But the CGI is dreadful, the plot collapses on itself, and that ending? It’s like getting hit by a bus that’s also on fire and driven by a multiverse fever dream.

6/10. Only because Keaton was awesome. Everything else… speed-ran into a wall. anyways hope yall enjoyed todays reveiw.