🟨 PANIC. SPLAT. REPEAT.

🧠 So What Even Is This Game?

Okay so: De Blob.

Who remembers this weird little fever dream? Anyone? No? I’ll wait.

It started on the Wii (RIP that beautiful plastic rectangle), but now it’s on Switch, Xbox One, and PC.
Still feels like a Nintendo game, so that’s how I’m filing it in my brain.

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🎬 Let’s Start By Watching The Trailors, Shall We?

🏙️ The Plot (a.k.a. “We Hate Joy: The Game”)

Here’s the story:
A fascist group called the INKT Corporation shows up and decides that color isn’t just annoying—it’s the bane of their existence.
They drain all the color from the city, enslave the people, and turn everything into this dull gray nightmare. No music. No fun. Just grayness, tanks, and surveillance towers. They turn citizens into “Graydians.” Subtle.

And who’s gonna stop them?

A blob.
A bouncy, paint-filled blob with no arms, no face, just vibes.

You are that blob. And your job? Splatter the joy back into the world.

Also, tell me how this game got greenlit. Because you play it and you’re like…

“Wow. This is Nazi Germany: The Game… starring a beach ball.”

🎨 What Do You Do?

Okay, so here’s how it works.
You’re a blob. You bounce into these little robot things, and they fill you with paint—like a weird paint sponge with legs. (Except you don’t have legs. You’re a blob. Whatever.)

Your color meter starts at 0%. You ram a robot, it goes up. And then? You just start painting everything. Buildings, walls, streets, random citizens. The whole city turns from dead gray into color-pop chaos.

But of course, it’s not that easy.
Oh no.

There are missions—like “Paint this specific building orange.” Cool.
Except there’s no orange paint. You have to mix red and yellow first.
But the robots that give you those colors? They’re on opposite sides of the map.
And if you accidentally bump the wrong one? Congrats—you’re purple now. Good luck fixing that.

Also? The blob has momentum.
Like, you slide. A lot.
You’ll try to paint one building and instead skate across three, smearing blue all over places that definitely weren’t supposed to be blue. (Sorry, City Hall.)

The “helpers” in the game? These weird Picasso-looking resistance people?
They’re like: “Here’s how you paint red.”
Bro. I am red. Why are you tutorialing me?

And let’s not forget the people.
You paint enough buildings and suddenly gray zombie citizens just pop out like “Oh wow, I’m alive again.”
Where were you hiding?! Why did painting your apartment unlock your soul??

And yeah—you have to paint them too. Because saving the world wasn’t stressful enough.

⏱️ The Timer Hates You

And just when you’re vibing, the game’s like:

“Here’s a timer. You’re on the clock now.”

Every mission has a countdown. You can buy yourself time by painting citizens or completing side objectives, but the clock’s always running. It’s not enough. It’s never enough.

You’ll be in the middle of painting a building and suddenly it’s like:

“15 seconds remaining.”

And now you’re racing to find a robot, mix colors, paint a building, dodge ink, and not cry.

☠️ Stuff That Tries to Kill You

There’s ink everywhere. On the ground. On buildings. Probably in your dreams.
Step in it? Your health drains until you explode like an overripe fruit.
Touch a building while you’re ink-covered? It wipes out all your paint work. Gone. All of it.

And the only way to fix it? Find a pond. Jump in. Full reset. Back to blob zero.

Also, sometimes buildings have these random waterfalls pouring off the sides. You’re sliding across a wall all smooth like “yeah I got this,” and then—BAM—color’s gone mid-slide. Hope that wasn’t part of your mission.

Enemies evolve too. They start as annoying blobs but later turn into these aggressive nightmares that chase you like you owe them rent. And then there are fire panels. You land on one, and now you’re button-mashing like a maniac while the timer screams at you.

And yeah, the timer keeps ticking through all of this.

Of course it does.

⏳ The Real Boss: These Levels Are Long

These levels? They go on forever. 20 to 30 minutes, no mid-level saves.
You can’t pause and come back. You either finish or start over.

So if your mom calls you for dinner mid-run? That’s it. You’re choosing between family or progress. There is no third option.

And the camera? Works fine—until it decides to take control mid-jump.
You’ll be aiming for a ledge, and suddenly the camera snaps to some random piece of geometry or a wall corner.
Your focus shifts, your jump goes off-course, and boom—De Blob launches himself into space. Goodbye combo. Goodbye timer. Goodbye sanity.

🎷 The Music???

Okay, so the soundtrack? I don’t know what genre this is. It’s funky, jazzy, kinda like if a Saturday morning cartoon did an acid trip.

The better you play, the more instruments it adds. It’s like:

“Congrats! You painted a park! Here’s a saxophone!”

It’s absurd. And it totally works.

🟨 Final Thoughts

This game is messy. It’s chaotic. It’s kinda brilliant.

It makes you panic about painting—which I didn’t even know was a thing you could do.
But when you see that city go from gray misery to full-blown rainbow explosion? That hits.

Yeah, it glitches. Yeah, it’s stressful. But also?
Yeah, I’d do it again.

🎯 Final Score: 8/10

💧On the Jarrodism Meter, this one is a Solid Moisty