Gollum: Let’s unfortunately start off with showing y’all the trailers shall we?

Ohhhhhhh boy we’re in for a wild one today.

So fellas today’s review is gonna be slightly different, since there’s so so so many glitches and graphical issues I’m instead gonna just mention the plot very quickly then we’re gonna break down each screenshot I took. Frame by frame, just to show y’all how bad of a game this is!

Literally I can’t fathom how this game was made and released, keep in mind folks this game came out last year in 2023, along side with The Walking Dead Destinies. Which was another horrendous game.

If y’all are curious on my thoughts on that game I recommend checking out that review.

BTW this game costs $70, yes that’s right 70 dollars. 70 dollars! Who in their right mind would fork over $70 for this game!?

Also, I’ll be mentioning the so-called apology letter they posted, trust me it’s a doozy. But for now, all u need to know for now is ain’t no one corrected any spelling errors because why do that when u can be lazy?

Oh and not too long ago the company/devs who worked on this game shut down for good. They went bankrupt, hmmm I wonder why! Oh, wait a minute!

Also, I’ll be mentioning the gameplay while we go along on this journey of hell that’s called Gollum, but for now, let’s get the rating out of the way. It’s a 0/10, like what we’re u expecting? We’re u expecting a 1? Hahahahahahah Hahahahahahah hahahahahahah!

Giving this game a 1 would be way too generous of a rating! No this gets a 0/10, enough said I’m done I’m out of here see y’all in spoilers! Hahahahahahahah Hahahahahahahah hahahahahah! Anyways join me in the spoilers as we break this game apart.

So the plot of this game is Gollum has been captured by Sauron and his Orks, yep that’s right this game for about the next 89% of this game will take place in the mines of Mordor. Where u will be doing ur 9s to 5s by waking up every morning and doing tedious chores such as.

Locate (insert amount) of dog tags off of dead bodies.

Breed a bird.

Hurd animals back in cage.

Walk and talk to ur leaders.

Go back to sleep in cage and wake up and repeat the whole cycle over again.

Oh yeah doesn’t that all seem fun? Quick question who in their right mind thought that breeding birds has anything to do with Gollum? Oh yes that character Gollum, legs have him breed birds.

Better yet who thought any of this sounded like a good concept for a game? Hey I have an idea let’s have the audience fork over $70 for a game where they will be playing a walking/climbing simulator all the while doing tedious chores! As If ur doing ur 9s to 5s job every day!

Also who thought a game about a Crack addict doing tedious chores would be a fun game!? Anyways u eventually break out of Mordor with ur bird, because guess Gollum now is associated with breeding birds!

U make ur way to the elf kingdom where u will be doing the exact same stuff over and over again, which consists of.

Hiding.

Sneaking.

Climbing.

Yeah no that’s really about it, oh and trying to make it past the glitches in this game

Oh don’t worry y’all it gets worse, did I forget to mention that there’s an option at the end for u to either kill ur bird or let it live? Yeah, why the hell is that an option!? Who over at this brain-dead company, (Well what used to be a company because they went bankrupt) would think oh hey here’s an idea let’s give the players the opportunity to kill an infant bird!

Were the people who made this game high? Oh right, this game has choices u can make, where u argue with yourself or as it’s called convince yourself to do the thing u picked. Yeah Smeagel argues with himself as in his Gollum self.

Great on paper but it was horribly executed which I’ll explain why later. Oh btw some of the dialog in this game is abysmal or downright funny. For example, there’s a part of the game early on where ur about to jump across a medium sized cliff and Gollum I kid u not says this line “It’s the long jump again precious”

It’s the long jump!!? THE LONG JUMP!!! HAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAH! (exhales) HAHAHAHAHAH! Who the hell! HA HA HA HA HA! Who the hell approved and wrote this dialog!? Never in my life would I ever expect to hear Gollum from Lord of The Rings say the long jump again!

BTW here’s some images of this game, try spotting the issues.

Where do I even begin?

Well for starters why is there lightning coming out of the mountain? Yeah turns out from any direction u move ur camera the lightning appears! Even if that’s the side of a mountain!

Why do the Orks look like they have Dicks and Balls are a suit?

Why does Gandalf have a black beard and black hair?

Why’s Gollums hair glowing orange? Why’s his eyes glowing green?

Why does Gollum look like he has the Mo haircut?

Also as for that apology letter, oh dear lord that apology letter. Oh no they don’t apologize for their own game The Lord Of The Rings: Gollum, no they apologize for The Lord Of Ring: Gollum.

Whatever that game is, must better. I want to play it

Couldn’t even fax check their own message before posting, that’s wonderful.

They also state that they want to take feedback and make this game better to it’s full potential. I disagree this game is already at its full potential unfortunately.

U can polish the game yes, fix thr glitches. But the game is just essentially a walking simulator with some jumping and talking. There’s no fixing that.

The only way they could have fixed this game was by scrapping this game and not releasing it.

Also last thing then I will end this review, because ranting on about this game all day would be pointless.

But the last thing, the game just has a lot of jank to it. There’s no other way of putting it, also the Dick Armor Orks pound u on the back of ur head when u get caught, this game is truly bizarre.

Did I forget to mention if u want lore-accurate dialog in this game u have to purchase a DLC!! Yeah, a DLC for lore-accurate dialog! Shouldn’t the base game already come with that built into it?

Also ring wraiths do appear in this game but for some reason they walk extremely slow as I’d they are a serial killer from a horror movie.

Yeah because ring wraiths are just so well known for doing that! Also, last thing if I haven’t mentioned already there’s a character named the CandleMan in this Game!

Ohh, watch out for CandleMan! Be frightened because he’s coming! Don’t turn ur lights off! Hahahahahahahah!

Anyways hope y’all enjoyed this review, plz do me a favor don’t go buy or play this game. It ain’t worth the time or energy, especially if ur a die-hard Tolkien fan.

Also heads up next review might get me some controversy, oh well. Anyways see y’all then.

Also if y’all want to see footage of the game/full walkthrough/commentary. Then I highly recommend this YouTuber and his video, it’s over 2 hours long but it’s absolutely funny.