Star Wars Outlaws: Let’s start off with showing y’all the trailers shall we?

So where do I even start? Well firstly I guess that I should start with the fact that Ubisoft has been on a never-ending decline….every game they release seems to get worse and worse compared to the previous game. So the million-dollar question is this Star Wars game actually good?

Well let’s find out shall we, but first let’s get the rating out of the way then we can get into spoilers. Overall uhhh no this game is definitely not worth it, especially with the hefty price they ask for…I kid u not Base game costs $70. The Deluxe edition costs $120, yeah let’s be real here who in their right mind would spend that much on this game?

Well I guess I’m not in my right mind because I did that, but I also wanted to play it so I can review, so I can let y’all know if it’s worth buying or not…glad to say it’s definitely not, btw there’s no praise I’m giving this game…well except for one, I like the idea of this game on paper…

But that’s really all the compliments I can give this game because the rest is oh boy….for example the main story in this game is such a generic, over-told, cookie-cutter story u seen already happen….u will probably end up being bored halfway through the game.

Also, IDK if I made this clear already but this game’s AI sucks ass, no wait sorry my bad calling them AI is insulting to AI. IDK what to call them, They are so brain-dead in this game that u can walk up to an enemy while crouched and somehow they don’t spot u……this is a quadruple-A game that costs $120 let that link in.

Also this game’s budget was somewhere around 300 million, yes 300 million. Ok I have a theory Disney is just wasting this much money on these projects for money laundering, try proving me wrong. Because ain’t no way this game co

So overall this game gets a solid 2.5/10, warning spoilers ahead y’all have been warned.

BTW the controversy for this game was dumb, people refused to get this game because get this the main character is a woman….how dare they put a woman in Star Wars, right so I guess we’re just gonna completely forget about,

Princess Leia?

Padme?

Ahsoka?

Rey?

Rose?

Mon Mothma?

Bo Katan?

Satine?

Merrin?

Ventress?

Mother Talzin?

Knight Sisters?

Oh yes never were there any badass female characters in Star Wars, no sir…zero none nada. Sigh, I really hate Fandoms.

This game opens up with showing us the villain named Sliro (what kinda of name is that is beyond me) anyways he gathers all the crime board men together for a dinner…where he has his men shoot them after he tells a story about how he has a brother who is gone now.

How brother would always eat his dinner after eating his own…he always came first, and Sliro says I was always starving…..the crime boss men think he wants an alliance which Sliro says haven’t u been listening? I’m starving, I want it all to myself…..ok talk about a badass opening.

Wonder how long it will be before they make him pathetic.

So in this game u play as a female like Han Solo named Kay, with her trusty Pet named Nyx….no idk what NYX is, he’s some animal in Star Wars we’ve never seen before…and probably will never see again.

Also, she’s a character with barely any personality, it really feels like her character was written up by a committee of corpos….instead of actual scriptwriters.

She lives in a room above a bar run by a father figure to her…. Anyway, she lives on Canto Bite….yes that God-awful Casino Planet from The Last Jedi, remember that movie! Anyways she wants off the planet (yeah so do I). Also, her mom abandoned her as a kid, wow wonder where we’ve heard that one before.

BTW before I Continue giving a rundown of the plot it’s time to nitpick this beginning….oh boy this beginning is awful, it was off to a bad start since the game just launches u in and only tells u that u need to get currency to buy a spare part from someone.

The game neglects to tell u the player who’s new here that u can use Nyx to jump onto Guards and steal their money (unfortunately u can only steal money from guards or imperial officers) yet ur character is a smuggler….

Or u can find scrap and sell it or u can find info on a race and bet on a race….yeah the game neglected to tell u any of that so I ran around like a headless chicken for 30 min just confused, I had to look up what to do….yeah not off to a great start are we.

BTW If ur wondering what handy tools Kay has? Well glad u asked because all she has is.

A lock-picking tool that she keeps in her hair bun.

Nyx her pet.

A handgun.

And the ability to smack someone against the head with her bare hands even though they are wearing armor and a helmet.

No that’s about it, that’s all this game gives u…..oh lord keep that in mind for later.

BTW sometimes thr dialog in this game is awful….for example during this opening where Kay is talking to her father figure, he points out that u have no crew or a ship…u go into jobs alone and it always fails…which Kay responds with “if u want to get the job right, u go in alone” ummm Kay listen did u not hear what he said? He said u going in alone keeps leading u to fail the missions.

So u clearly going in alone isn’t the right way to do things.

Anyways so eventually Kay gets herself in trouble, she gets partnered with a group who says Hey let’s go rob this Sliro guy he’s rich we will get money….turns out what they are after is a friend of theirs who’s in the safe….they work for the rebellion, btw did I forget to mention this game takes place in between Empire Strikes Back and Return of The Jedi? Because it does.

Oh also Sliro turns out to be an imperial officer, sigh and this is where the game starts to lose me….I was intrigued by this villain, I was saying hmm can’t wait to see a lower-level crime boss leader….but nope y’all at Ubisoft couldn’t even do that.

U just had to make him a part of the empire because of reasons I guess, anyways Kay gets left behind…she gets knocked out by the rebels……btw Kay has never heard about the rebels….so Sliro investigates her and asks her questions about the rebellion….

She offers a chance to help him hunt them down for him….now as a sane person who wants to give this game a chance….what choice out of these 3 do u think the developers picked? Do u think it’s,

A. She offers to help Sliro out and they come up with a deal for her to hunt them down, both so she doesn’t get on his bad side and to get revenge on them for leaving her.

B. Make a deal with Sliro to hunt them down, but eventually comes to the realization that she shouldn’t be working for the empire. And has a complete character progression where she learns to change sides for the greater good, or.

C. She runs away, which puts a massive bounty on her head, and the only way she can buy her freedom is if she does a heist on the man who put the bounty on her, in order to pay the man who u, who u stole from in the heist to remove the- what?

CAN U GUESS THE CHOICE THEY WENT WITH!

Bro Ubisoft, are u guys inept? Y’all can make a good story u know that rift? Anyway Kay escapes by stealing Sliro’s expensive ship…she finds herself on some new planet….btw time to mention the rest of the planets this game gives u where u will be exploring on.

Toshara Moon. A Savannah-like moon, and home of the Pyke Syndicate.

Tatooine. In the infamously lawless desert world where Anakin Skywalker was born and Luke grew up, here you’ll find Mos Eisley and Jabba the Hutt.

Akiva. A jungle world with numerous droid factories.

Kijimi. A frozen city that’s run by the insectile Ashiga Clan crime family. (U know that random snowy planet we saw in Rise of Skywalker, one of the worst Star Wars films ever)

So this game gives us,

2 crappy planets from 2 crappy Star Wars films.

2 new planets that are exclusive to this game.

And Tatooine (which is being overused at this point).

Yeah to say the planets in this game are underwhelming is an understatement…time to nitpick the rest of this game.

Also even though 2 of these so-called planets are new, they all still feel generically the same when it comes to Star Wars these days, I mean think about it.

A planet with rocks.

A jungle planet.

Hmmmmmmm, yep totally original nothing out of the ordinary here folks…..jeepers even with their new planets, they still can’t seem to do anything original, they just end up using the same generic cookie-cutter layout for each planet design.

Plz answer me this, is it impossible to do any form of originality when it comes to Star Wars? Plz Disney and Ubisoft for the love of God this is just getting to a point where this is boarding on satire…..a very sad depressing satire but still.

So here’s the thing (starting on this planet) u will get introduced to this crime syndicate system where u can rank higher or lower in each crime syndicate….

In this game there’s.

The Pykes. (Seen in The Clone Wars. And Han Solo Film).

Crimson Dawn (seen in the Han Solo film).

Jabba The Hutt.

And some bug people.

Take a guess which one I picked? No really.

Anyway, it doesn’t matter if u pick one….all it gets u is some clothing with perks and weapon skin. Also, the system is so busted that u can find a loophole in this system….u can legitimately max out ranking great in each syndicate if u want…

So what’s the point of this system them? Because the game will give u choices to betray a team or don’t, all that ends up leading to is specific areas on the map being forbidden for u to enter without getting attacked….but if u rank max great for all syndicates then every area (minus the empire areas) will be urs to enter..

Trust me I go for making them out because having areas forbidden means u will get attacked a lot…

BTW this brings me to another issue, ain’t nothing intimidating about our main character…..at all. Heck I don’t buy that the fact everyone is keen on giving her a job, she gets kicked out of the Pyke room when u sneak in and right away a random woman offers her a job….huh why? Why her?

Also to give u an idea of how much of a nothing of a character she is….or how timid she is….in one scene u get offered a job by a random guy and this is how the conversation goes…

Guy: I have a job for u that will pay.

Kay: half now or no deal.

Guy: u will get paid once the job is done.

Kay: that works too.

Sorry huh? Who wrote the dialog in this game? A kid? That conversation basically went like this.

I got a job for u.

Pay me now or I’m out.

U will get paid when ur done.

Yeah ok.

What? Why did she cave in as if they had come up with some arrangement? There was none there!

Also, this game gives u a speeder that sucks ass….if u hit a rock or small items or animals or ride off somewhere high u will fall off and deal damage…..but get this u can turn off fall damage in settings it just that it does nothing for u….even still falling from heights and off ur bike hurts u…..so what’s the point of the setting?

Also, u can’t shoot your gun while on the speeder, while enemies who are driving speeders can shoot u…..how fair is that? Oh, wait u can shoot them but only when u use ur dead eye ability that takes time to load up and u have to mark each individual enemy for it to work….sighhh.

Also if u hate stealth missions, I’m sorry to say this but this game’s missions are mainly stealth missions and this is what I absolutely hate….sometimes they force u to do stealth, as in missions are locked behind stealth…

If u get caught it will restart u from ur previous checkpoint making u have to redo that all over again, oh don’t worry it only gets annoying the first time that happens.

Now since the game makes u do stealth it must mean the times the game gives u is enough right? Ohhhh no no definitely not. For u see something becomes abundantly clear all u have to do is stay bent behind an object and send Nyx to do ur work for u…

Yes that’s right u dont do much of anything. Nyx can,

Distract guards by playing dead (that’s his only animation he has to trick guards, it starts getting repetitive) also how dumb are the guards? Because they fall for it.

Can turn off panel alarms.

Can set off explosive canisters which are laid around for no reason whatsoever.

Can pull the lever for u to open a door.

Yeah, how thrilling is that? U get to sit bent down while ur imaginary game pet does the work for u, I spent $120 on this game!

Anyways if that wasn’t bad enough, most often than not the AI sucks ass…..sometimes they won’t even spot u even though ur standing in front of them…..or they will walk past u when ur in their view.

But other times they can spot u from the back of their heads as if they have eyes in the back of their heads….yeah did anyone test-play this game before releasing it?! I’m legitimately wondering! Because this is concerning! Btw here are montage videos of glitches and bugs in this game, oh, and showing how dumb the AI can be. Enjoy I guess.

Yes, this is a quadruple A game if u can’t believe it, this is the same company that gave us Skull and Bones earlier this year, also the same company that said that was a quadruple A game as well.

$120 for this game? I want u to keep in mind this is the same company that said we need to get used to not owning the games we buy, well after seeing the way this game plays like….I think I’m absolutely fine with that.

But don’t worry the game gets worse, remember how I alluded to u can take down enemies by punching them? Well, I wasn’t kidding u can take down enemies by punching them…..u can go up to a stormtrooper and smack them on the back of the head which knocks them out. Huh?

Yeah, I’m not even gonna try to make sense of that logic….stormtroopers already look stupid as it is but it seems Disney keeps making them seem more stupid and inept.

Oh did I forget to mention to escape from enemies from attacking u all u have to do is go hide in some tall grass….they will lose sight of u even if they are right beside u!

Also, the animations for this game are horrific, sometimes u will get actual movie-style animated cutscenes that look amazing….but then u will get cutscenes where the animations don’t look great….heck Kay in both versions of the cutscenes looks like 2 completely different people….I’ll put a side by side comparison here so y’all can see.

Also sometimes the AI animations in cutscenes look stiff, again was anything tested?

Oh, and the game gives u a pistol to use against enemies who have bigger guns…womp womp, u can upgrade the gun in ur ship….but the issue is it’s still a handgun…also it has a stun ability but the issue is it’s only useful once then it takes 5 min to cool down to use it again…so not helpful during stealth missions whatsoever. Got it.

Oh, but u can also pick up enemies’ weapons it’s just as soon as u do anything such as. Use lock-picking panels. Opening doors, interacting with objects, climbing ladders, getting onto ur speeder, or climbing up….u always drop the weapons as If u have butter fingers.

So u can’t take a sniper gun and move positions to a higher area, again I spent $120 on this game and this is the content the game has? It feels like this game is in beta mode.

BTW remember how I talked about the stealth missions? Well, u can change in settings the difficulty of the gameplay but it always seems the stealth missions are locked behind the hardest difficulty ever….why’s that? IDK, all I know is it will get frustrating to anyone (like me) who’s not good at stealth missions..

The game doesn’t give u the option for going in guns and blazing, and when it does…well it’s not the best gameplay.

BTW the gameplay does get repetitive….it mainly just involves u,

Lock-picking doors/chests.

Doing parkour/climbing on the sides of walls and cliffs.

Stealth missions

Shooting

Driving speeder

Driving ship

And I’m already bored now, I wanna go play some Battlefront 2 2005 plz.

Also, space exploration is ehh. All u can do is go into space and do missions such as cargo missions…..so basically Lego Star Wars The Skywalker Saga all over again? Oh, remember how this game is promoted as the first-ever open-world Star Wars game? Well, even I don’t think that’s true because the maps aren’t fully open world….

There are areas the game just doesn’t let u explore, the maps are kind of small in a way but also big at the same time if u catch my drift.

Also, Kay meets a Rodian who becomes friends with her and helps her fix her ship…spoiler alert he betrays her, he wants the ship for his own….wow go figures.

Anyways eventually u gets saved by a robot named ND5 who’s a reprogrammed Assassin Droid from The Clone Wars Era…..he works for a guy named Jaylen Vax who’s totally not a secret bad guy at all…no sir idk why u would ever think that. Is it because he has the cliché haircut villains have these days?

Or is it the fact he comes off completely untruthful in his motivations to u? Or is it that we’ve seen too many plot-twist villains that we can sense it from a mile away?

Anyways eventually u become friends with ND5, well I say u become friends but it’s done poorly….for the majority of this game they don’t trust each other…but halfway through the game ND5 has a malfunction, and needs a new part to replace an old part so she goes out of her way to go do that for him because they are friends now?

I’m sorry did I miss something here? Oh btw if ur wondering, Kay ends up getting her own team and her own ship (which is Sliro’s ship) wow that oh-so-unique storytelling. We’re really breaking new ground here with this game.

One of her team members ended up being her deadbeat mother btw who Jaylen forces Kay to work with…..bet y’all can see from a mile away how this plays out, yep that’s right u got the cliché story telling of the daughter doesn’t want to work with her deadbeat mother because she abandoned her, and now holds resentment against her mom.

Wow we’re clearly just playing things safe and by the books, I’m almost half expecting her dead father to come back and be the guy who saves the day, kind of trope.

Anyway let’s just move on with the rest of the game, so this game keeps getting worse….there’s a cutscene of Sliro and guess who comes to talk to him? Lord Vader…..jeepers can modern Star Wars games stop using Darth Vader? Do they feel like they can’t stand on their own 2 feet without adding Vader into the mix?

Also, what does Vader add to this story? Nada nothing, he’s irrelevant to this story, and there’s no reason to add a space wizard into a story about scoundrels….this reminds me of that pointless cameo from Darth Maul in the Han Solo film.

Btw here are the cutscenes he appears in. Trust me it’s bad.

Oh right, speaking of I do need to mention his voice acting….it sucks ass, so get this and this just makes things so much more confusing….they got the voice actor who voiced him in the last 2 Jedi games….who did a phenomenal job at voicing Vader….

Yet here this doesn’t sound like him at all, it sounds like they got the Dollar Store knock-off version of Vader…..his voice doesn’t have that rough low voice that James Earl Jones had (may he rest in peace) instead for some reason here he has a slightly pitched up voice….I don’t get why.

Did they not have the rights to James Earl Jones? They would since this game is being funded by Disney/Lucasarts…….but unfortunately, we got whatever this hell this is….this ain’t lord Vader.

BTW on a side note idk if I’ve made this clear or not but I used to care so much about Star Wars, that I’d watched the original 6 religiously. But now I don’t even consider Star Wars in my top 10, it’s all thanks to Disney for ruining that for me…thanks a lot Disney, I feel so appreciated.

Anyways so come to the end of this game (spoilers ahead, but really who cares) turns out Jaylen Vax is a bad guy (wow what a shocker) my expectations have been so blown.

Oh and get this he’s Sliro’s brother, ahhhhhh double gasps…..wow Disney plz stop ur spoiling me too much with these great plot twists.

Anyway he cuts a deal with Lord Vader, also Vader basically in a way fires Sliro….in front of his men on his star destroyer nonetheless, btw take a guess where this leads to? If u guess Sliro gets killed by his brother then ur right….yeah wow so creative, we’re really breaking new ground here fellas.

He is mad at Sliro because he thought they would rule together, yeah coming from the man who always came first in everything including eating dinner then proceeds to steal Sliro’s dinner away from him so he can starve.

Anyways so guess what, Kay is there…she snuck in wearing stormtrooper armor….reference reference reference! Is this all this franchise knows at this point?

Anyways so Kay tries killing Jaylen but he turns ND5 against Kay because he has a remote controller…..u know that cliche, so this entire ending becomes this tedious mission where u have to sneak around, pull levers, stay out of sight from ND5 or else he’ll kill u…….u will be doing this multiple multiple times to the point u just start questioning ur choices of games u buy.

Anyways u eventually use some lightning to subdue ND5 and short circuit the control thing on him, saving him from his slavery.

Just then Jaylen shows up and grabs one of Kay’s teammates, and aims a gun at him…he tells ND5 to kill Kay, but ND5 drops the crushed circular control device that was on him and he says no…then he shoots Jaylen.

Pffft good riddance, also unfortunately Kay and the team did not even end up getting paid anything even though Jaylen promised to pay them…..guess the real prize was the friends Kay made a long way.

Get the Fuck out of here game with that mumbo jumbo.

Anyways the freaking end, thank the lord it’s done. Now I don’t ever need to touch this game again, what’s that? I can play on any planet afterwards? Tough shit! Sorry, not sorry I have no interest.

Anyway if y’all couldn’t tell I don’t like this game, well ok I don’t fully hate it but I also don’t love this game either.

I hope y’all enjoyed this review, here’s a tease for the next review I’m working on, till next time.