Indiana Jones 5 The Dial Of Destiny

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny – Review

Let’s start by showing y’all trailers, shall we?

Spoiler-Free Rundown:

Yeah, so this movie? This movie hurt.

As a huge fan of Indiana Jones, this one wasn’t just disappointing — it felt like betrayal. I’ve loved this character my whole life. I rewatch the originals, I can quote scenes, I’ve defended Crystal Skull more than once. But Dial of Destiny? It broke something in me. It made Crystal Skull look like Citizen Kane.

Gone are the religious artifacts rooted in real-world myth. Gone is the mix of grounded supernatural and pulp adventure. This movie replaces them with time travel math and portal GPS. Where’s the Ark of the Covenant level of wonder? The Holy Grail weight? The Kali cult weirdness? Nowhere. This movie forgot what franchise it’s in.

The villains? Completely forgettable. Every Indy movie had villains with personality — whether it was Toht with the burned hand, Mola Ram with the heart-ripping rituals, or Elsa and Donovan with their greed and betrayal. But here? Voller is just a sad Nazi with a stupid plan and zero presence. His sidekicks are walking clichés.

Sallah (John Rhys-Davies) is also back… sort of. He’s now just a glorified taxi driver who drops Indy off at the airport like he’s headed to Vegas. And that airport scene? Indy is a wanted fugitive. Why is he walking through TSA like it’s no big deal? Shouldn’t the FBI be swarming that place?

Also, James Mangold might be a competent filmmaker, but it sure doesn’t feel like he understands Indiana Jones. His version of Indy is tired, broken, bitter — and not in a meaningful way. Just hollow. Like someone checked boxes from a Wikipedia page.

And let’s talk about the music. They had the audacity to reuse John Williams’ iconic themes lazily, like they were background noise. No punch. No power. No sense of occasion. Just “eh, slap it on here.”

Indy doesn’t even work at Marshall College anymore! He’s suddenly at some random college in New York. Why? No explanation. Even though he was promoted at the end of Crystal Skull, that’s gone now. Along with his family. Mutt Williams? Killed off-screen. Marian? Divorced. Indy? Alone.

Oh, and visually? The whole movie is just tinted orange. Like someone looked at the posters and thought, “Ah yes, orange = Indiana Jones.” It’s a muddy, digital mess. No warmth. No contrast. No sense of adventure. Just… orange.

And that opening train sequence? It felt like they saw Dead Reckoning Part One and said, “Hey, we can do that too.” But worse. It’s fast, loud, messy, and has none of the tension or clarity. It’s just noise.

The characters are chasing after the Dial of Destiny — an ancient artifact created by Archimedes. It’s said to hold power, but we don’t really get told what kind until later. Indy’s not even trying to find it at first. He’s just trying to unframe himself because apparently, he’s now wanted for a murder he didn’t commit. No, seriously. That’s a subplot. And then it… goes nowhere. It’s completely dropped by the second act like someone forgot it existed.

Meanwhile, Helena wants the Dial for her own selfish reasons and lies her way through everything. The villains want it too because… Nazi stuff. Yay.

Character + Actor Breakdown:

Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford) – A legend reduced to a depressed, tired man in boxers yelling at the neighbors. He’s barely active in his own story and spends half the film being dragged around like someone’s bitter grandpa at Disneyland. This isn’t the Indy we know — this is sad, doofy sidekick Indy. Total character downgrade.
Helena Shaw (Phoebe Waller-Bridge) – Insufferable. There’s no better word. She’s smug, rude, self-absorbed, and repeatedly screws Indy over. Leaves him to be arrested. Turns everything into a snark-off. And then the movie pretends she cares later? Please. She’s not charming. She’s irritating.
Teddy (Ethann Isidore) – Dollar Store Short Round. Has zero personality beyond being Helena’s tagalong. He somehow flies a plane despite never flying before. Yup.
Jürgen Voller (Mads Mikkelsen) – A Nazi scientist whose entire personality is “what if Hitler, but better.” That’s it. His plan is to kill Hitler because he thinks he can do fascism better. Bruhhh.
Klaber (Boyd Holbrook) – Happy trigger finger. Literally just likes shooting people. That’s his whole thing.
Hauke (Olivier Richters) – Big guy. No lines. Drowns.
Sallah (John Rhys-Davies) – Wasted. The man shows up for one taxi ride and one emotional quote. That’s it. Why even bring him back if you’re not gonna use him?
Renaldo (Antonio Banderas) – Criminally underused. The man shows up for a boat ride and gets shot in the leg and then offed within ten minutes. Just like Uncharted, they wasted Antonio Banderas again. You bring in a legend like him, and all he does is dive in a wetsuit, say a few lines, and die? Cool cool cool.

Here’s a con but what’s the point? This whole films a con but this con is something I want to separately point out.

🧠 Inconsistently Written Indy – The One-Sided Friend Who Forgets His Own History

One of the most frustrating issues in Dial of Destiny — and honestly a problem that started back in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull — is how the film rewrites Indiana Jones as a one-sided, dismissive friend who forgets everything he’s experienced.

Let’s break this down. Indy is a man who has literally witnessed the Ark of the Covenant melt faces, watched a high priest rip a still-beating heart out of a man’s chest, saw the Holy Grail heal his father’s wounds, and watched a Nazi age into dust after picking the wrong cup. He’s been neck-deep in the paranormal, the supernatural, the unexplainable. His entire career is built on chasing myths and turning them into discoveries.

And yet… the moment his longtime friends Oxley (in Crystal Skull) and Basil (in Dial of Destiny) come to him begging for help, terrified of the strange artifacts they’ve found, Indy doesn’t even try to understand. He doesn’t offer support, research help, or even basic empathy. Instead, he hears them say “alien” or “time rift” and instantly taps out like they’re the crazy ones. This isn’t just out of character — it makes him look like a terrible friend.

Oxley begged for Indy’s help with the skull. Indy took one look at him and basically went, “Yeeeahhh okay, buddy, I’m gonna go ahead and leave you here in Crazy Town.” Basil reached out, fearing the dial’s dangerous power, and Indy’s reaction? “That’s dumb. You’re dumb. Bye.” He never sees Basil again. Doesn’t destroy the dial like he promised. Just ghosts him. That’s cold.

This kind of writing makes Indy look not just skeptical — but like he’s lost all curiosity, all compassion, and frankly, all logic. How does a guy who has seen gods and miracles and ancient deathtraps scoff at theories about aliens or time travel? At the very least, he should’ve listened. Investigated. Been there for his so-called “best friends.” Instead, he leaves them to spiral alone, calls them crazy, and walks off like it’s not his problem.

It’s a massive disservice to his character. Indy is supposed to be the bridge between belief and doubt — someone who questions but doesn’t dismiss. Here, he doesn’t even try. And it damages the emotional weight of the story because it’s hard to feel for Indy’s journey when you’re watching him abandon the people who once believed in him.

Final Thoughts:

This movie doesn’t just stumble — it straight up trips over its own franchise legacy. It forgets what made Indiana Jones special: the sense of wonder, the supernatural weight, the character-driven adventure. Instead, we get a mess of hollow action, boring villains, and a lead character who’s sidelined, broken, and lost in a film that’s supposed to celebrate him.

It’s technically better than Crystal Skull in the CGI department, sure. But spiritually? Tonally? It fails harder. Indy deserved better.

RATING: 2/10

Warning: spoilers ahead y’all been warned.

Let’s start with the opening.

Indy is tied up and about to be hanged. A bomb drops into the building, explodes, and somehow every Nazi dies but Indy survives by swinging a little. BULLSHITE. Then he gets slammed into the ceiling of a tunnel at full speed and comes out with zero broken bones. Is he made of cartoon rubber?

Voller? He’s introduced here too. Gets whacked in the face with a metal pipe and falls off a train. Still survives. Sure.

Then we cut to present-day Indy: drunk, sad, alone. His son is dead. His wife left him. He walks around shirtless in his underwear yelling at neighbors. This is how we reintroduce Indiana Jones. Not heroic. Not legendary. Just… pitiful.

And Helena? She manipulates him, uses him, gets him arrested, and steals from him. But don’t worry, the movie wants you to root for her anyway. Bruhhhh. She’s just mean. Not fun, not chaotic neutral. Just awful.

Let’s talk about the artifact — the Dial of Destiny. It’s not magic. It’s not ancient godly power. It’s a time travel calculator. Literally. It tells you when a time rift in the sky is going to open so you can fly through it. That’s the big mystical object. A time GPS.

Voller’s genius villain plan? Use the Dial to go back to WWII and kill Hitler because he thinks he can win the war better. I’m sorry, WHAT?! Even the Nazis in the flashback think his ideas are too dumb. They were right.

The boat scene? Indy brings in Renaldo — played by Antonio freakin’ Banderas — to help dive for an artifact. Renaldo has maybe ten minutes of screentime. He gets shot in the leg, says a few words, and then Voller offs him. Just like Uncharted, they bring in Banderas and waste him like he’s a guest star on a CW show. The whole scene is pointless. Helena’s there, Teddy is there, Indy gets swarmed by eels (which the movie tries to pass off as the new snake moment), and then boom, Renaldo’s dead. On to the next location. Nothing gained. Nothing learned.

Later, Helena literally asks Teddy if he can fly a plane, and he says no — he’s never flown one. Five minutes later? He’s flying one. By himself. While a full-grown adult pilot is SLEEPING in the seat next to him. I’m sorry, what?!

Then comes the big ending. Voller flies his Nazi plane through a rift in time and ends up in the Battle of Syracuse — and then starts shooting Romans with a machine gun while yelling at them and calling them pigs. A literal Nazi in the middle of a Roman battle screaming at centurions while mowing them down with future tech. This franchise has lost it. Completely unhinged.

And how do they find Archimedes’ tomb? Just… slightly left. In a tunnel. In a tourist area. That’s it. No riddles. No clever map. Just “Oh look, it’s over there.”

And Voller? He figures out they’re headed to Syracuse because he sees them go left with binoculars. Apparently, if you turn left in the Mediterranean, the only place you could be going is Syracuse. Movie logic!

The ending? Indy gets shot and ends up in ancient Syracuse with Archimedes himself. And he wants to stay there. He’s broken. Done. He literally says let me die here. And then Helena — who’s spent most of the film dragging him — punches him in the face to knock him out.

That’s his goodbye. That’s his arc. Begs to stay. Gets punched out. Wakes up in bed.

Then Marian walks in like it’s a sitcom finale. Sallah pops up. Discount Short Round is there. They recreate the “where doesn’t it hurt?” scene from Raiders. We’re supposed to feel closure.

But it’s fake. Because nothing got resolved. Indy didn’t choose to come home — he got knocked out and dragged there. His grief? Ignored. His legacy? Disrespected. His final moment? A hat grab.

This one goes out to a friend of mine named Lucy (she’s not dead, we’ve separated) Lucy and I saw this one together, back when things felt a little easier. We’ve gone separate ways since then, but that memory still means something to me. I hope she’s doing alright. This is a little thank you to her.